Why the youth of America is lost… or am I just fucking that old.
Maybe I’m some old ass guy now, but this past weekend I went to a music festival in Irvine, CA. The tour was called Bamboozle Left, it was a 2 day band fest with well over 100 bands playing between the 2 days, if anyone has been to Warped Tour, this is very similar. I have a couple of things to say about kids now days, and the shit that they do.
Let me start by saying that I’m not some 30 something guy who does young people shit, I am 26 years old, well under the age to go out and still do crazy shit or stupid shit, hell, I went and got into a bar fight with some Mexican gang banger just last night. I am a down to earth, not douche baggy guy, I don’t have high lights in my hair, I don’t paint my nails black, and my jeans aren’t tighter than my fiancés. However… for the first time in my life I really felt out of place and disconnected with young society.
So me and Heather (fiancé) roll up to the Irvine Amphitheater expecting some good music and greasy junk food, what we encounter is far from that. As we enter the parking lot I can already tell that I’m going to get advertising shoved in my face for the next 2 days.
Notice the “Wonka”? fancy huh?
We go through security, which is laughable at best, because all the guy told me was “empty your pockets”. So I took out my wallet, and showed it to him, and he waved me on, didn’t once pat me down, didn’t ask “is that all?” Just “move along” needless to say I could have stashed anything in my pockets… drugs, booze, more drugs, a tiny little Asian hooker, but it didn’t matter, this guy was getting paid 6.50$ an hour and could care less.
The concert starts and kids start showing up, dressed in what I can only describe as something the 1980′s threw up. Maybe I’m not in touch with my style side, but my fiancé was a fashion major, who has her degree in fashion, and she was dumbfounded by this retarded look. It’s no EMO, which is absurd in it’s own right, but I’ve come to except it as a way to find gay kids, however this new look is something else all together, Let me see if I can describe it to you;
First you start off with typical track running shoes that look to be out of the early 80′s (fuck you Juno).
Next you have tube socks, white with a colored stripe at the top, pulled all the way up to your knees.
Then you have old gym shorts, odds are they will cost you 89 $ and will be brightly colored, as to draw more attention to your amazing style. Or you could go another route with some kind of metallic stretchy half pants.
Then we work our way up to the shirt. Odds are this will be ripped, possibly holey, and you will have overpaid by 100 $ at hot topic, because your shirt probably has the fucking Kool Aid man on it saying “Oh yea!”
Lastly we come to the oh so amazing glasses, they will be Neon in color, and either be flat against your face, thus making it look like you are part mongoloid, or big and round, thus making you look full mongoloid.
Oh yeah! Forgot to mention the finishing touch, this next part is only forprofessional morons, what you can do is take a Tutu, neon colored of course, and wrap it around your waist.
This picture is not the best I could find, but it should do the trick to help youspot these idiots.
Anyways, so me and my girl are watching these kids wander around the festival, looking retarded. Then we come across the most peculiar thing, a MAN… Dressed in woman’s apparel… surrounded by about 100 people waiting to meet said person;
bootyfull isn’t IT?
Now… I pride myself on knowing what’s going on in today’s society, knowing the ins and outs of what’s cool, and what’s not. I try my best to always push to find out what’s the next hip thing. The reason for this is because I always told myself as a child, that when I get older I won’t be one of those lame ass parents that still says “diss” or “clown”. I want to know what’s going on in the cool circles, even if I don’t agree with it, or don’t understand it. After seeing this … “thing”? Named Jefferee Star, I decided to throw that all out the window. Honestly I don’t’ care anymore… I’m 26 and am more than happy being naïve to this retarded fashion and these homo erotic celebrities.
Now, not only did I see all these kids following this thing, I actually saw it confront a kid. Yes, while walking there was a kid, no older than 17, with his buddy walking by, and he screams “what the fuck? That shit is gross”. What happened next can only be described as… fuck-dic-ulous. This beast, all 6’4 of him/her, strutted over to the child and said “what the fuck did you say!?” And the kid didn’t know what to do, so he sat dumbfounded looking at what could only be described as the combination of every moronic, retarded, homo erotic, dress up, abused little boy, thing ever to come into the world, basically this person represents that little shit stain that’s left in the toilet after you take a massive dump and flush it. So anyways, the kid doesn’t know what to say, so the thing says “That’s what I thoughy, you wish you were as great as me” at that point he/she placed his/her Yao Ming sized paw on the kids face and shoved him, thus setting in motion this poor young boys eventual trip into killing himself 2 years from now by masturbating while choking himself.
Whew, that was a mouth full…
So, after all this I actually had a long look inside myself, and the person that I am, and have decided that kids today are fucking insane.. Maybe I’m old, maybe I don’t “Get it”, shit, maybe I do get it, but getting it isn’t cool anymore… fuck I don’t know, but really it doesn’t matter anymore. I guess when we were kids we had stupid shit too… but I will tell you one thing, when I went to go see the Ninja Turtles Live in concert, they certainly were not being followed by a man dressed like a woman in neon clothes, metallic pants, a tutu , and fucking retarded neon glasses..