Why the youth of America is lost… or am I just fucking that old.
Maybe I’m some old ass guy now, but this past weekend I went to a music festival in Irvine, CA. The tour was called Bamboozle Left, it was a 2 day band fest with well over 100 bands playing between the 2 days, if anyone has been to Warped Tour, this is very similar. I have a couple of things to say about kids now days, and the shit that they do.
Let me start by saying that I’m not some 30 something guy who does young people shit, I am 26 years old, well under the age to go out and still do crazy shit or stupid shit, hell, I went and got into a bar fight with some Mexican gang banger just last night. I am a down to earth, not douche baggy guy, I don’t have high lights in my hair, I don’t paint my nails black, and my jeans aren’t tighter than my fiancés. However… for the first time in my life I really felt out of place and disconnected with young society.
So me and Heather (fiancé) roll up to the Irvine Amphitheater expecting some good music and greasy junk food, what we encounter is far from that. As we enter the parking lot I can already tell that I’m going to get advertising shoved in my face for the next 2 days.
Notice the “Wonka”? fancy huh?
We go through security, which is laughable at best, because all the guy told me was “empty your pockets”. So I took out my wallet, and showed it to him, and he waved me on, didn’t once pat me down, didn’t ask “is that all?” Just “move along” needless to say I could have stashed anything in my pockets… drugs, booze, more drugs, a tiny little Asian hooker, but it didn’t matter, this guy was getting paid 6.50$ an hour and could care less.
The concert starts and kids start showing up, dressed in what I can only describe as something the 1980′s threw up. Maybe I’m not in touch with my style side, but my fiancé was a fashion major, who has her degree in fashion, and she was dumbfounded by this retarded look. It’s no EMO, which is absurd in it’s own right, but I’ve come to except it as a way to find gay kids, however this new look is something else all together, Let me see if I can describe it to you;
First you start off with typical track running shoes that look to be out of the early 80′s (fuck you Juno).
Next you have tube socks, white with a colored stripe at the top, pulled all the way up to your knees.
Then you have old gym shorts, odds are they will cost you 89 $ and will be brightly colored, as to draw more attention to your amazing style. Or you could go another route with some kind of metallic stretchy half pants.
Then we work our way up to the shirt. Odds are this will be ripped, possibly holey, and you will have overpaid by 100 $ at hot topic, because your shirt probably has the fucking Kool Aid man on it saying “Oh yea!”
Lastly we come to the oh so amazing glasses, they will be Neon in color, and 
either be flat against your face, thus making it look like you are part mongoloid, or big and round, thus making you look full mongoloid.
Oh yeah! Forgot to mention the finishing touch, this next part is only forprofessional morons, what you can do is take a Tutu, neon colored of course, and wrap it around your waist.
This picture is not the best I could find, but it should do the trick to help youspot these idiots.
Anyways, so me and my girl are watching these kids wander around the festival, looking retarded. Then we come across the most peculiar thing, a MAN… Dressed in woman’s apparel… surrounded by about 100 people waiting to meet said person;
bootyfull isn’t IT?
Now… I pride myself on knowing what’s going on in today’s society, knowing the ins and outs of what’s cool, and what’s not. I try my best to always push to find out what’s the next hip thing. The reason for this is because I always told myself as a child, that when I get older I won’t be one of those lame ass parents that still says “diss” or “clown”. I want to know what’s going on in the cool circles, even if I don’t agree with it, or don’t understand it. After seeing this … “thing”? Named Jefferee Star, I decided to throw that all out the window. Honestly I don’t’ care anymore… I’m 26 and am more than happy being naïve to this retarded fashion and these homo erotic celebrities.
Now, not only did I see all these kids following this thing, I actually saw it confront a kid. Yes, while walking there was a kid, no older than 17, with his buddy walking by, and he screams “what the fuck? That shit is gross”. What happened next can only be described as… fuck-dic-ulous. This beast, all 6’4 of him/her, strutted over to the child and said “what the fuck did you say!?” And the kid didn’t know what to do, so he sat dumbfounded looking at what could only be described as the combination of every moronic, retarded, homo erotic, dress up, abused little boy, thing ever to come into the world, basically this person represents that little shit stain that’s left in the toilet after you take a massive dump and flush it. So anyways, the kid doesn’t know what to say, so the thing says “That’s what I thoughy, you wish you were as great as me” at that point he/she placed his/her Yao Ming sized paw on the kids face and shoved him, thus setting in motion this poor young boys eventual trip into killing himself 2 years from now by masturbating while choking himself.
Whew, that was a mouth full…
So, after all this I actually had a long look inside myself, and the person that I am, and have decided that kids today are fucking insane.. Maybe I’m old, maybe I don’t “Get it”, shit, maybe I do get it, but getting it isn’t cool anymore… fuck I don’t know, but really it doesn’t matter anymore. I guess when we were kids we had stupid shit too… but I will tell you one thing, when I went to go see the Ninja Turtles Live in concert, they certainly were not being followed by a man dressed like a woman in neon clothes, metallic pants, a tutu , and fucking retarded neon glasses..
LMFAO!! That was hilarious.. I am 26 with a 2 year old girl. I don’t get it either and I feel soooo OLD! I hope that when my daughter is a teenager, I wont have to make fun of what she wants to wear. Great article!
Jeffree Star undressed me with his/her eyes.
So when goth kids evolved into pussies, we called them emo… so what the hell do we call this new species of fucktard kids?
i think we call them “Tremo”
cause they are retro ADN emo..
pronouced Tree-Mo
Haha! That is too funny, but so true! That’s exactly how it was; those silly little kids. I don’t get why you have to dress like a ‘tard to go rock out to some good music. It is not “cool” , trust me. Oh, you forgot the neon orange fishnets
allow me to explain to you people whats going on here….
i’m 20 about to be 21 in a couple months so i’m not that far from these dbag childern in age. now to explain my street cred on the subject i was in a hardcore band for about a year and a half. if you are confused as to what hardcore is there is hardcore,brocore( aka brutal hardcore just like hardcore but with more breakdowns everyone is like 24 or older dress like wanna be thugs and sing about kickin’ someones ass),deathcore(death metal/hardcore) ,metalcore (heavy metal/hardcore), happy core (hardcore/pop punk). if you want to get an example of these bands from each genre here they are: for hardcore listen to final fight or comeback kid, for brocore listen to hoods or winch mob, for deathcore listen to job for a cowboy or suicide silence, for metalcore listen to as i lay dying or bleeding through, for happycore listen to new found glory or set your goals. for more clarification hardcore kids often get confused for emo kids by the ignorant hardcore will wear tight jeans but not nearly as tight as emo kids. emo kids also have chick hair and makeup and just straight look female. now theres another little doppleganger running around called the scene kid which look like an emo except listen to deathcore and hardcore dance ( look it up on youtube). these kids desrcibed in the article with the 80′s throw back gear are called indie kids and they are a bunch of bastards. they try and find out about all the newest underground movies and music and act like their elite over all. these kids were born out of the scene i helped create (hardcore). they were unwatned by the emo and scene kids anbd got there asses kicked by the hardcore kids. their music sounds like techno rock and other bands are just indie rock bands examples are: wolf parade, animal collective,thom yorke and chromeo. i could honestly go on forever about this do to the fact there are about a thousand subcategories for every style of music i mentioned. so in closing yes you are all old except it its not a bad thing. if you have any more question in reguards to the up and coming trends in music scenes and the wave of dipshits following them contact mitchell and he will contact me and i will answer the question or request that i have my own articles on this website haha. im full of music knowledge i promise.
Well gary informed you are..
however, i don’t know if i should make fun of you for knowing so much about this nonsense,
or worship your knowledge..
it’s the tightrope that we all walk called life.
Obviously…
you should make fun of him.
your not the only one who doesnt get it.. personlly i dont want to get it. every generation of kids has their own type of style or different type of lingo, and im fuckin cool with my generations type of style and lingo. i dont want to be chilaxin and sayin what ev.. fuck finish that fuckin word its short already..i saw some chic in the store who was wearing neon pink tube socks, neon green tank with neon blue tank over that, with some kind of big ass neon pink hair tie.. and yes i agree the fuckin 80′s thown up is what it looks like
I now realize that 27 is ancient because I feel a million times more lost after reading this article.
AHHHH… that shit is hilarious.. these kids look like a fucked up version of blossum… and saved by the bell mashed up with a dash of retard.. and dumb fucks.. kids these days only wanna be apart of what everyone else is doing.. they think by using what other people created and manipulating it slightly makes them unique… when really its quite the opposite.. i mean.. shit im no 30 year old man.. shit im 22.. and yeah ill admit that my pants are slim.. but im a skinny fuck… i end up looking like DJ Qualls…… which isn’t good. but all in all … fuck those kids…. i like the music.. but the scene is wayyyy to saturated with crap!.
80′s vomit sums it up pretty good. yet even in the 80′s some pink haired tranny wouldnt have FANS.
“moronic, retarded, homo erotic, dress up, abused little boy, thing ever to come into the world, basically this person represents that little shit stain that’s left in the toilet after you take a massive dump and flush it.”
long winded, yet oscar worthy writing
Man, I wish I had me some $89 old gym shorts. Totally worth it.
Wow, kevin, you damn near said it right. i love going to warped tour and seeing new bands but the fucking crumb-snachers are everywhere acting like tools. but seriously that kid should have kicked the “it” in the balls/crotch/tranyparts/whatever.
FUcking Hypsters…. thats what those kids are called, and they all ride fixed bikes around town with their man purses. fucking hypsters… jesus
Why do we have to segregate fags? Cant we just stick to “fag”.
Emo kid, Scene kid, Goth kid = F.A.G.
Haha, i said fag 4 times. I love this website.
Website
“and we love you jake”
This was a extremely good post. I want to hear more. Possibly your guests will like my website with goth and emo pictures.