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As a filmmaker, writer, actor, animator, podcast extraordinaire, and creator of over 20 websites Mitch Higgins has spread his seed to every form of media that would have him, even if that media would not have him, he force-ably penetrated his way in.

No Fattys Allowed at Harry Potter Land

VillageRemember the days of going to the carnival, throwing ping pong balls into fish bowls, chucking baseballs at solid steel bottles, and being scared shitless by clowns?  Aww the chilling memories.  Most kids also remember walking up to the most awesome ride in the park, and not being tall enough to ride. So devastating.  Now American kids have a whole new embarrassment to endure.

If you make your way to the “Wizarding World of Harry Potter” amusement park, make sure you’ve done your ab crunches and jumping jacks, cause FATTY’S AINT RIDIN’!  That’s right, the genius’ behind this business endeavor built an amusement park in the fattest country in the world, just to have their “Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey” ride shoo away fattys.

Universal Studios new park was recently opened and upon arriving at this particular ride, the staff or “Wizard” service representatives are stationed in front of the ride with test-seats.  These test seats allow folks to see if they’re too fat to sit in the seat, then if they’re too fat to fit in the restraints.  If you are larger than they would like, then wizardboy is going to escort you to the “Hogwarts cafeteria” so you can have some cake.

hqdefaultSo, make rides that cant accommodate fat kids?  In the fattest country in all the world?  Maybe the park is trying to promote weight loss and physical activity? Negative. Every corner has a churro stand, every food shop has pizza, burgers, and soda. Hell, maybe even a Goblet of Fire snack, filled with spicy deep fried nachos.

When asked about the refusal to let fattys ride, Universal just explained that they don’t have specific weight limits for the rides.  They only require that a person fit into the test seats to ride and be at least 48 inches tall.  Oddly enough the park has other rides which have special cars reserved for others with “larger girth”.  Whats more embarrassing?  Sitting in a test seat in front of a line of people just to have someone escort you away for being fat?  Or standing in the “Special cars” line for fattys.  Dear god…

Do I think Americans need to lose weight?  Yes.  Yes I do.  We are too fat, and im right there with the fattys, but come on, you didn’t build this park in 1960 when the average man weighed 166 pounds.  You built it now, when the average weight is 191.  Instead of making the ride accessible to all shapes and sizes, they are going to turn away customers.  Hell, do like the airlines do and make the fat ones pay for 2 seats!  At least give the little porkers an option.  Instead your turning away all the fat kids that are going to run home.. I mean, ride their motorized cart home, and talk a whole bunch of shit on Harry Potter Land in any online forum they can get to.

If this embarrassment gets some fat kids to lose weight, then bravo. I will applaude Universal for doing this.  Yet, I see more kids going home and dominating 4 polish dogs, and washing it down with mommys bottle of Xanax.


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21 Responses to “No Fattys Allowed at Harry Potter Land”

  1. Mr. Angry Eyes #

    GOOD! About dam time us skinny people get a ride of our own! No longer do I have to yell “DOWN IN FRONT” while some prepubescent fatty tucks his stomach into his pants! If you have to apply deodorant to multiple places of your upper body and I can hear you breathing from anywhere on the ride AND YOURE 13 YEARS OLD then I dont want to be near you! Get off my plane! Besides its probably because no food or drink is allowed on the ride and we all know that little fat kids are stuffing liter o’ cola under their boobs! Go pray for a magic wand that can remove your fat! Oh wait! Its out already! Its called a scalpel! The only down side is fatty is gonna go crying to mommy and mommy will sue the park but we all know shes the actual bad guy cuz she tried to smuggle ding dongs in her ass!

    June 25, 2010 at 11:19 pm Reply
  2. Troy #

    Dude. This is fucked up. Some chubby 9 year old cant go on a fuckin harry potter ride? Fuck this park.

    June 26, 2010 at 10:33 am Reply
  3. eric lindgren #

    HAHAHAH aww man this article was funny. LOLZ all day. This was the kicker, “Instead your turning away all the fat kids that are going to run home.. I mean, ride their motorized cart home” Your a man amongst boys Mitch.

    June 26, 2010 at 10:51 am Reply
  4. Luke #

    I heard about this, I couldnt believe in this day and age a brand new park would not make seating large enough for fatass Americans. Just seems like such a stupid business move like you said but maybe it will invoke some people to lose weight. We shall wait and see.

    June 26, 2010 at 11:37 am Reply
  5. I’m sooooo not surprised – too often, in amusement parks (theme parks included) around the world, attendants turn away a lot of fat-apes who can’t ride Roller Coaster NF (the initials for non-fatties). Heck, I even wrote an article on that issue! Fortunately, there’s glimmers of hope – many people, like Orlando theme park employee and former Cast Member Banks Lee used the ride you mentioned to motivate themselves to lose weight!

    June 27, 2010 at 6:51 am Reply
  6. Umberto #

    Man, my cousin was tellin me about this. Try and go out for a day at the amusement park and go home embarrassed and depressed. SOUNDS LIKE FUN HOMES!

    June 27, 2010 at 11:23 am Reply
  7. Obesity is rising The Southern states for this U.S. have a number of the highest rates of weight problems from the complete us nation. Income disparities may possibly contribute to this trend of being overweight being prevalent within your South, you guys perfect luck.

    June 29, 2010 at 12:46 pm Reply
  8. David #

    Um, Mr. Angry Eyes, f*** you. Most kids who are overweight, its not because of their own choices, its because parents let them become that way. And while you have some anorexic or bulemia disorder, these poor kids are unable to think any other way because their parents let them think that way. OH and by the way, if you do have bulemia, its like I learned in psychology, you won’t get any skinner than you are ugly b****, you’ll continue to be fat so why dont you stfu. And if you are anorexic, not bulemic, you wouldn’t know what fat is cuz you’re mind tells you otherwise. Otherwise, you’re a fatass and you’re talking about someone else to make yourself feel better. No one who was in a healthy weight would talk bad like this, oh wait unless you have some other problem with yourself. Why don’t you grow up and stop making fun of other people and stfu.

    June 30, 2010 at 12:35 am Reply
  9. SHANIQUA #

    I’M NOT GIVING UP MY LATE NIGHT TWINKIE SO I CAN ENJOY THE HARRY POTTER RIDE!!!! HAHAHA!!!

    June 30, 2010 at 12:53 am Reply
  10. This is actually the 2nd instance I have noticed your blog in the last few weeks. Appears like I ought to bookmark it.

    July 18, 2010 at 5:46 pm Reply
  11. M #

    This is freakin horrible! Poooor fat kids can’t enjoy the ride ;( It is the parents fault for making them that way! Buying Taco Bell and Mcdonalds everyday of the week!!!! The people who designed this ride are STUPID… They could of put a few LARGER seats on the ride like they do at other amusement parks!

    July 20, 2010 at 8:22 am Reply
  12. Matt Spears #

    Damn, I want me that goblet of fire filled with spicy nachos

    July 22, 2010 at 1:03 pm Reply
  13. crystal arreola #

    My friend went there and said she witnessed this first hand. Might as well put a stamp on their face that says TFTR (too fat to ride)

    July 22, 2010 at 3:42 pm Reply
  14. Niema #

    Do you get to ride Emma Watson on this ride?? If so I guess ill have to avoid that 5th double cheeseburger.

    July 23, 2010 at 3:14 pm Reply
  15. Eric E #

    Well damn. that would be embarresing to go through. But if the kids is as big as one of the kids in the picture, wouldn’t it be hardening to their health to ride something that screwy? Hey im just saying. lol If i was a morbid obese kid i would be scared to be thrown around on a roller coaster.

    July 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm Reply
  16. Hey, I just wanted to say what a fantastic website. I thoroughly enjoyed it and found it fascinating reading. Awaiting your next post!

    August 27, 2010 at 9:41 am Reply
  17. hannah #

    omfg this is mint!

    February 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm Reply
  18. Duncan Anderson #

    I agree this is fucken retarded! I’m skinny but my gf kinda fat and if they said she couldn’t ride, I’d cus them out! Tht place is fucked up! I’m never spending my money there ever! But a goblet of fire with spicy nachos does sound good

    May 17, 2011 at 7:07 pm Reply
  19. K Fellows #

    You can’t fit a square through the cirle whole, mate.

    There no such thing as a ride with a label saying ‘ONE SIZE FITS ALL!’

    Sorry fat people, but stfu. Like hell can there be a ride specifically made for you. You are the minority, and therefore won’t make the park as much money.

    June 25, 2011 at 1:04 am Reply
  20. Mike #

    Fat people need to die. Its called exercise people… I’m glad all you porkers cant ride a ride. fat people have feelings my ass. an hour of physical activity a day is all it takes. I workout every day… I used to be fat so dont give me some bullshit that idk how you all feel. Well you know what I say: “Fuck you All, been there done that, now im running marathons so Fuck all you fatties your all just LAZY PIECES OF SHIT!!!!!

    August 7, 2011 at 11:29 pm Reply

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