Remember the days of going to the carnival, throwing ping pong balls into fish bowls, chucking baseballs at solid steel bottles, and being scared shitless by clowns? Aww the chilling memories. Most kids also remember walking up to the most awesome ride in the park, and not being tall enough to ride.. so devastating.. Now American kids have a whole new embarrassment to endure.
If you make your way to the “Wizarding World of Harry Potter” amusement park, make sure you’ve done your ab crunches and jumping jacks, cause FATTY’S AINT RIDIN’! That’s right, the genius’ behind this business endeavor built an amusement park in the fattest country in the world, just to have their “Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey” ride shoo away fattys.
Universal Studios new park was recently opened and upon arriving at this particular ride, the staff or “Wizard” douchebags are stationed in front of the ride with test-seats. These test seats allow folks to see if theyre too fat to sit in the seat, then if theyre too fat to fit in the restraints. If you are larger than they would like, then wizardboy is going to escort you to the “Hogwartz cafeteria” so you can have some cake, because YOUR NOT RIDING FATASS!
Really? REALLY? Your going to make rides that cant accommodate fat kids? In the fattest country in all the world? How fucking stupid. If you think im out of line, and maybe the park is trying to promote weight loss and physical activity.. think again. Im sure every corner has a churro stand, every food shop has pizza, burgers, and soda. Hell, maybe even a Goblet of Fire snack, filled with spicy deep fried nachos.
When asked about the refusal to let fattys ride, Universal just explained that they don’t have specific weight limits for the rides. They only require that a person fit into the test seats to ride and be at least 48 inches tall. Oddly enough the park has other rides which have special cars reserved for others with “larger girth”. HAHAHA. Whats more embarrassing? Sitting in a test seat in front of a line of people just to have someone escort you away for being fat? Or standing in the “Special cars” line for fattys. Dear god…
Do I think Americans need to lose weight? Yes. Yes I do. We are too fat, and im right there with the fattys, but come on.. you didn’t build this park in 1960 when the average man weighed 166 pounds. You built it now, when the average weight is 191. Instead of making the ride accessible to all shapes and sizes, they are going to turn away customers. Hell, do like the airlines do and make the fat ones pay for 2 seats! At least give the little porkers an option. Instead your turning away all the fat kids that are going to run home.. I mean, ride their motorized cart home, and talk a whole bunch of shit on Harry Potter Land in any online forum they can get to.
If this embarrassment gets some fat kids to lose weight, then bravo… I will applaude Universal for doing this. Yet, I see more kids going home and swallowing mommys bottle of Xanax after dominating 4 polish dogs.