Remember growing up and seeing vampires as fucked up, soulless monsters that wanted nothing more than to murder you while drinking all your blood? Anyone ever see the Tarentino flick “From Dusk Til Dawn”? That’s what vampires are supposed to be dammit… psychopathic killing machines out to possibly rape you and positively kill you. You weren’t out to talk to them, or date them, or have bizarre fetish parties with them. You needed to load up a super soaker of holy water, carry a cross, and sharpen a pool cue into a steak. THAT WAS VAMPIRE MOVIES.
Now, I see a vampire of today and want to shoot myself. They don’t want to murder you and drink your blood any more… they just want to be the prettiest they can be while causing high school like drama. Vampires arent scary any more.. it would be more appropriate to dress like a vampire in a gay bar than on Halloween. Im more frightened by Lady Gaga, than I am by vampires now.
Twilight, and other vampire faggotry (yes that’s a word) have made me slam my palm to my face in disdain several hundred times the past few years. Seeing a commercial for The Vampire Diaries is about as painful as passing a kidney stone. What the hell is going on!?! The O.C. slapped vampire fangs on its pretty people cast and repackaged it all over again. I HATE YOU WORLD!!
Remember in the early 90’s when goth kids started to emerge in America?
When nerds/ugly people got really angry and really depressed… they went goth. They smeared on the pale makeup, massive amounts of face jewelry, and refused to conform to anything… except conforming to being goth of course. They listened to anything that yelled into a microphone inaudibly, and disliked everything and everyone. Over time they killed themselves, or they went on school shooting rampages etc. Goth kids were then recognized as fucked up and nobody wanted to mess with them after those extremes. So Goth got established as psychotic, but the world started pussyfying men, and those same awkward nerds that were depressed weren’t as insane any more, so we got…
…“The Emo Kid”.
Emo, and the idea of pussyfying something psychotic has gotten so popular, that they castrated the badass vampire. Never have I wanted a subculture of human beings to kill themselves more, but the group was basically created to avoid killing themselves and others. They just cut themselves or cry. Fucking pussies.
This new Emopire (not misspelled) we live in is sad for me to see. Not only are people getting dumber, but they’re getting pussier too. This vampire craze is just capitalizing on both of those aspects of people. Recycling the writing and storylines that were retarded 5 years ago, and making those same pretty people in that writing, have fangs.
Vampires have become emo, boring, overplayed, and the weakest plot device out there. Why is it so popular? What the fuck has made the vampire trend explode!? Someone tell me..
Im assuming from what I can hypothesize, that its popular because the vampire guys have good manners, they’re pretty, and they do nothing but cater to their girlfriend. When in real life heterosexual guys aren’t like that. You can find a guy with 2 of the 3, but not all three. He’ll be pretty, and have good manners, but he’s not thinking about his girlfriend all the fucking time! SORRY. Or maybe he’ll have good manners and care about the girl and cater to her, but he wont be pretty! So with this fictional male being a centerpoint in the new pussified vampire saga’s Im assuming this is why so many females, and emo’s are showing up in mobs to see Twilight.
Someone please kill off this trend, for the love of god. And take the emo’s with you too. To find an “Emo”, look for skinny jeans, tighter than any chicks you’ve ever seen… with a lack of penis bulge. Along with tight t-shirts which often have the name of a shitty emo band, or studded belts and black wristbands. These persons should be slapped in the face and given a tshirt that reads “I wish my lawn was Emo, so it would cut itself”. Ending the emo’s ends the pussy vampires, and thus restoring them back to monster like creatures of the night and not sparkly fruitcakes.
I’ve been saying the same thing for a while now. Vampires in this day and age just fricken suck and I’m not referring to their eating habits. The only good non monstrous vampires were Leslie Nealson and the ones in Scooby Doo. The rest of the vampires nowadays need to start acting like real vampires and causing some chaos and carnage and death.
Breaking Dawn comes out in 9 days!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Oh Rob, choose me, love me, want me! Kristen is an awkward bitch! I would be so good to you! I want to give you vampy, blood sucking, diamond shiny babies! SUCK MY BLOOD ROBERT! SUCK MY BLOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Ali Fernandez is a nut job. Whoever she may be.
Great article though Mitch, holy crap that was funny. That brokeback mountain picture almost made me choke with laughter. Fuck pussy ass vampires and emo douches.
OMG RPATT is my future husband, I dont care what your article says!!
Hey Ali… is “Dawn” codeword for pattinsons rectum?
VAMPIRES ARE SHEXYYYYYYYYYYYY
I’d do him
and his werewolf enemy.
MMMMMMmmmmmmMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Omg ughhhhhh total twihard moment but it’s Eclipse that’s coming out in 9 days and I dont care if you make fun of me
Oh shut up and let us enjoy our sissy vampires! That are HOT. Werewolves too! They can ravage me anytime they want! lol
so im trying to figure out whether the pussy vampire trend is because women are stupid, or because gays are taking over, or both. Thoughts?
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hey homie my girl is all about this gay shit. Im postin this up on my facebook right now, maybe i wont be forced to go see this shit wit her. lol
THISHOTFIRE IS THE BUSINESS!!!!!!!!
Brokeback mountain picture FTW. ROFL!
Ali Pattinson! Robert + Ali = Together Forever!!! That’s a cute nickname for his rectum Mitch, thanks! It’s OK Troy, you probably feel that way because you’re ugly.
HOW DARE YOU Ali Fernandez!!
My mother tells me im pretty every day. So, eat it!
How do you really watch shit this stupid!? Really? Are you like 13? Then MAYBE I can excuse it.
Wow bro, these bitches dont like you! Well thats good because I dont like them! We are teaching future generations to ignore their instincts passed on to them from a hundreds of years of mythical stories! When you see a cannibalistic carnivore (something that eats the meats of its own species for you stupefied gaysapians, see what i did there?) you fucking run the other way!!! Not fall in love with it! And certainly not spread your legs for it! unless you wanted a good rape followed by swift death and eternity of agony raping then killing people; not necessarily in that order. Furthermore….wait….that sounds fun… no wonder people like these snuff new vampires…
Mitch, they say the day you realize youre old is when the next generation confuses you and pisses you off… “Get a haircut, hippie” now means “hurry up and fucking die you point toothed fags!”
Dude, you gotta look at this. Twilight fans are fucking crazy.
http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.reuters.com/twilight-fans-camp-out-days-ahead-premiere-reuters?nc
Fascinating…certainly food for thought. I hope you do not mind if I send this on to a few other friends I know.
Me and 2 of my friends went to see Twilight Eclipse 4. Paul Jarrett as Mr. Biers was just cool.
I and 4 of my friends went to see The Twilight Movie 3. Iris Quinn as Mrs. Biers was just amazing.
Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan in The Twilight Sage Eclipse rocks.
Hi there could I use some of the content here in this blog if I link back to you?
Hello can I quote some of the information from this post if I provide a link back to your site?
Hey may I reference some of the content from this post if I reference you with a link back to your site?
If there is a link back… Then feel free to reference my article.
Their paying those 3 actors $25 million a movie for the next two. I dont hate on twilight, but come on they are not really good actors, decent but do not deserve that cash. In the end it does not matter thought, because if people pay to see it the demand is there. Best acting in the movie is Dakota Fanning. I just wonder what their gonna do when the world realized that they can’t act that well….oh well they got millions of dollars. That being said twilight is hugely popular, but hey enjoy the ride. What are you ladies going to do when its over and their no more movies? What happens if the guys secretly come out and say their gay after their career is over? Will you be crushed? Not hating just curious lol…..I would like to see mitch write for twilight!!!! and star in it!
omg eclipse was such a good movie!
Thank God! Somebody sees it like i do! Vampires aren’t even scary anymore theyre a total joke now. Vampires are supposed to explodes or burn up or something when theyre in the sun not go all sparkly if i see anybody go all shiny when they go into the sun the first thing i’d do is sell them to a jewelery store because i would think they were made of diamonds or something. Vampires have fangs not sharp teeth. and they don’t give a crap about how they look. By the way edward is a total fag (i know his real name is patterson don’t try and correct me!) and kirsten looks like a transvestite donkey witch!
p.s. get off the comment page twilight freaks
Hahahahaha! Dude these articles are almost always spot on. I fkin hate these shows too. Funniest shit ever = “Never have I wanted a subculture of human beings to kill themselves more, but the group was basically created to avoid killing themselves and others. They just cut themselves or cry. Fucking pussies.” Lol. I think the tone you use in your articles is hilarious. Cruel, lol but hilarious! lol
Allyn Valenciana made a good post btw.