By:Steve Neville

Facebook Etiquette: A standard that is comprised by rules in Social Media that invariably determines your status as a douchebag or not.

Everything I am about to write is neither opinion nor conjecture. It is a fact.  There does exist a website as to which 25% of the world’s traffic flows through. It is the most popular website in the world, and it does  require compliance with an unwritten set of rules in order to successfully navigate it.

The site: Facebook.
The rules: Facebook Etiquette.
And below are the four most popular ways to turn a great way to connect with friends into an amazing way to acquire black eyes.

First Rule: Remember, no one cares about your baby except you!

OMG? No way? At three months into your pregnancy your baby is developing tiny hands and feet? Wait, what? Your baby just, no way, cried and kept you up all night? Your baby has the cutest smile and the most adorable ways of being funny? That’s just TOO precious!

Well, just so we are clear. It’s a baby, right? And it’s doing well? So the natural stages of prenatal development, and its subsequent actions after birth are the same as the 400 babies born per second, yes? So this is probably is not interesting to anyone except you, correct? Ok, just making sure.

Second Rule:  Dear non-living entity

This is my biggest pet peeve on “the book.” The letters written into statuses that are addressed to non-living entities that could never respond, ex. “Dear Weather, you are cold and I am so over you.”  Awesome, it is cold, but why did you write that to the weather as if it could respond in your status: “Dear User, so totally right but this cold front has my patterns by the balls. FML.” Get over yourself. Everyone knows its cold, think of something else to say that doesn’t require a pretentious and clichéd way to seem original. Or just stick to the classic, “At the store, man it is cold outside,” and I am pretty sure people will still get the point that you are a pussy.

Third Rule: Spam/Linkage person

You know this person. It’s your friend that finally got a job for the first time in their life, so now everything is “Stop in for three dollar drink specials at the shitty bar I work at tonight!” or “15-Ways to increase your stock portfolio by mid-November.” Or, “Is your business operating like my business? Because it should be and here’s why!” I know a guy, Tim Moneybell, who is the epitome of linkage guy and about to be defriended due to his douchebaggery. But I won’t name names…

…wait.

Fourth Rule: Vague status person

Common signs of VSP are seen in statuses such as: “FML,” or “Not again,” or “Ok, I am seriously over this.” And you know what they want, too. You to respond with “Oh No! What’s wrong?” And it is always something ridiculously stupid as well, like “I have been stuck in traffic for an hour!” Or “I just texted Brad about pizza night, but he wasn’t suppose to know. Woops, lol.” Not once have I ever seen a conversation like this:

USER: “FML.”

USER2: “What’s wrong?”

USER: “I just found out I have A.I.D.S. and my mom was mugged by a Mexican walking to the store.”

USER2: “OMG?!? Are you okay?”

USER: “No, I am seriously considering checking myself in for professional psychiatric help.”

USER2: “Call me and I can drive you there, you need all the support you can get right now!”

No, they go like this.

USER: “FML.”

USER: “How did this happen?”

USER: “I can’t believe this happened…”

USER2: “What’s wrong?”

USER: “Angry Birds keeps switching off again and again.”

So, there you have it. Of course, there reside other rules. Like keep statuses to a 3-per-day minimum, don’t post baby photos (See: Rule 1) and many others. But if you stick to avoiding these four, you should be able to keep a good profile on Social Media and stalk that hot girl from class without her ever knowing your existence.

This article isn’t simply out of the blue, but because I keep hearing about so many different instances where a girl gets harassed to the point of killing herself because of her ‘girlfriends’ harassing them to the point of death.  I mean, Jesus Christ ladies.. are so many of you so insecure that ripping on another chick because shes different makes you feel better?

I read an interview with Kelly Valen and her book, and she explained that “88% of these women told me there’s a darkness lurking beneath all the good stuff, an undercurrent of aggression, competition, and negativity”.  Us guys are simple creatures, we don’t have any ulterior motives when we ask for food, beer or sex.. we just want food, beer or sex.  If we have an issue with another dude we go face them and either get into a fist fight or get it all out in the open then get over it.  These issues are also worth confrontation they aren’t just someone wearing the same outfit, or having a new goofy hairstyle.. I have seen women take something like that and run with it almost to the point of personal destruction upon another chick.  If one girl is hotter than normal, smarter, or has a better fashion sense they better be prepared for fucking war.  Hell even if one girl has done NOTHING, another chick might destroy her simply out of boredom or just simply because she can.

Ive gotten pretty hard on lady vs. lady relationships, and the fact is dudes can do pretty ugly shit too.  The fact is, we aren’t conniving and manipulative enough to purposefully set out to do it for trivial means.  We might want revenge for something done to us, or unintentionally lose control of our weener and have sex with multiple women while in a relationship. The fact is guys might hurt a woman from time to time, but women can scar your soul.  Women posses an ability that men don’t, a whole ambiguous language that we cant comprehend and when that gets turned on each other it can get pretty damn ugly.

I don’t know what my exact goal of this article is, but Ill tell you what its not.  Im not just releasing some deep seeded misogyny or bad mouthing chicks for the hell of it, im trying to figure out why women do the things they do.  To themselves, to other women, and to poor unsuspecting guys like myself.  Women can be a hundred times kinder than men, and a hundred times more evil than men and Id like to know how to keep myself with the kinder version.  Id also like to get some discussion on this… am I totally blowing smoke out of my ass?  Are women truly more capable of evil?  Are guys more evil?  I want to know.

Uhhh, I’ll take money…

But greedy, self preserving asses like myself have driven Mexico further and further down into fear and poverty with corruption and crime every where.  Mexico is like the worst case scenario post apocalyptic movies, with the corrupt running everything.  Governing officials have fled, residents hide, and even priests who are the leaders of the municipality are gone. Yet in the face of all this malicious crime… one lady is standing up.

Marisol Valles Garcia is a 20 year old married woman with a child who has accepted the position of police chief of the municipality of Praxedis G. Guerrero in Chihuahua, Mexico.  A 20 year old woman with a spouse, and child has taken a job in one of the most dangerous municipalities of Mexico. Not only is there a huge fear of death, but shes getting paid almost nothing, while disarmed and with no bodyguard.  This is something out of a kids hero movie..  In the face of death, in the most dangerous part of an already dangerous country she is taking on the role of police chief when shes not even legally eligible to drink alcohol in the U.S.  Im already this chicks biggest fan… something about standing up for good ideals, and fighting tyranny hits me right in the heart.  Maybe little kid hero nostalgia, maybe learning that there are still decent people out there, I really don’t know.  I just think this chick is bad ass.  Did I mention Jesus Manuel Holguin, one of the preceding chiefs of police was killed on May 1st, 2009. SHE IS BAD ASS.

This woman is driven by what she says is a huge effort to strengthen the family and the youth while promoting greater social development, as opposed to a full on assault which has been their strategy for years now.  Instead of attacking the crime that already exists she is going to the source and trying to help kids, and the up and coming population create a life for themselves to fight the ongoing corruption.

I salute this chick and hope she turns things around for her country because she is in the ultimate underdog/dangerous position imaginable.  I know its real life, but in a climate where most heroes are anti-heroes, or have massive flaws, or fall victim to some sort of corruption, I want to believe in this lady Marisol Valles Garcia.

So we’re one vote away from weed for everybody! Right!?

Nope.

Sorry potheads, even if the state proposition passes the federal government says ‘go F yourself’ (verbatim), your not getting what you want.  Attorney General Eric Holder, or General buzzkill has adamantly said despite any vote on state legalization they will still enforce federal laws.  Anyone who grows, distributes or sells marijuana will be in violation of general assface’s ‘federal laws’.

Attorney General Holder has even sent out letters to the DEA about prop 19.  Explaining this “Let me state clearly that the Department of Justice strongly opposes Proposition 19. If passed, this legislation will greatly complicate federal drug enforcement efforts to the detriment of our citizens.”  Why!?  Why should it complicate a damn thing you prick!?  State citizens have the ability to vote for their own well being and if they vote to legalize marijuana, then leave it the hell alone!!

The Attorney Generals explanation is that the federal Controlled Substances Act forbids the possession and sale of marijuana, so he will continue to uphold this obsolete and ridiculous Act to the detriment of voting citizens.  Yet I cant say this for sure because the vote hasn’t happened yet, this is hypothetical… If the proposition passes, I can guarantee you its not the beginning of legal pot…  Its only the beginning of a continuing legal battle between prop 19 backers and the federal government.

Im not a pot smoker, but I definitely support legalizing it.  Id legalize all drugs if I could..  It would literally remove 90 percent of profit making capabilities of the crime world.  There would still be gambling and hookers, but drugs easily beat out both.  If it was all legal, then more tests could be run as well and there would be no thrill of doing something ‘bad’.  Even if people still go bananas on crystal meth or heroin, they’ll be dead pretty quickly any way.  Also, being that we live in California if marijuana was legalized it would help generate tax revenue to get out of debt, and it would help with the insane corruption and killing just below the border in Mexico with its massive weed business.

What do you think?  Legalize weed? Yes? No?

This article has come about from the Rutgers student suicide after he had his gay encounter streamed online.  Now because of this, U.S. Senator Frank Lautenberg is proposing a new legislation against bullying.

Bullying every day in the same fashion for years on end is pretty ridiculous.  Eventually people move on, times change, and people aren’t kept around a bully forever.  In the rare case it does go on for a long time then the anti-bully law looks pretty good on paper.  But in reality… I could be charged with harassment and bullying for photoshopping my friends face into a gay photograph.  This… IS UNACCEPTABLE!

Couple people kill themselves because they cant handle bullying.. repeat,  A COUPLE..  Or we leave it how it is so I can continue giving friends shit, and ‘bullying’ them as they define it.  This kid didn’t kill himself because of bullying.. he committed suicide because a deep secret was broadcast on the internet.  This is fucked up, Im not going to lie and if they want to outlaw this kind of invasion of privacy, and enforce it on the kids that did it to him… Im all for it.  But Im completely against any ‘bullying/harassment’ law that can be abused by pussy ass people who cant handle being made fun of.  Sure it might hurt your feelings, so go away!  Political correctness and pansy ass people are going to pass a law hurting my freedom of speech.  I will not allow this…

Clementi’s suicide has created a large nation wide discussion about gays and bullying. Rutgers had its own event, organized by the university and the gay rights activist group Garden State Equality.  Do I think its ok that some kid had his gay encounter webcam taped and thrown on the web?  No.  I don’t.  Do I think its ok to create an anti-bullying law? NO, I don’t.  People get made fun of for their differences, they get mocked, and they get satirized.  It’s a check and balance to the world and creating a law against ‘bullying’ when it includes making fun of people is horseshit.  I want to make gay jokes, racial jokes, gender jokes, religious jokes etc… so where does it end!?  Is a religion going to try and pass a law on bullying people who openly believe their religion is Jedi!?  (which is true, there are Jedi churches and a belief structure)

Please for the love of god don’t let raw emotions of this suicide let you get manipulated… This law is bullshit, and if anything there is already a code of conduct and policing of harassment in schools and in workplaces, we don’t need a FEDERAL LAW!

Apparently in the 1940’s the U.S. performed experiments on oblivious Guatemalans giving them both syphilis and gonorrhea.  Wellesley College professor Susan Reverby discovered this upbeat piece of American history and her discovery explained how the project was sponsored by the U.S. Public Health Service, the NIH, the Pan American Health Organization and the Guatemalan government. Part of her discovery also explained how these experiments were done on male prisoners and female MENTAL HEALTH PATIENTS.

Dear god.  Just when you thought shock therapy and lobotomies were the worst thing we did to mental health patients back then..

On top of that, the people infected were encouraged to pass the disease on to the rest of the patients in order for everything to be studied.

Good lord, its amazing what comes to light half a century after the American government does something incredibly fucked up in collusion with corporate America.  But honestly, whos going to do shit about it now?  You just do something insanely cruel, cover it up, and keep it hidden for 50 years and meh, its not big deal.  Just like something else the government and corporate American did in 1954 to Guatemala.

With the go-ahead of then president Dwight D Eisenhower, the CIA got involved in the coup that overthrew President Jacobo Arbenz Guzman.  Why did America go in to help with a coup?  Because the president of Guatemala at that time introduced a land reform that would have put the United Fruit Company (a U.S. corporation) in jeopardy.  The United Fruit Company owned about half of the countrys land, the entire telephone system and the majority of railroads.  SOOOO, time to overthrow that bitch.  Because previously the US government friendly dictator Jorque Ubico didn’t even charge the company Guatemalan taxes, and the new guy was going to reform the whole deal, so bye-bye.

Ridiculous misuse of American power overthrowing a dictator who didn’t give the American company tax breaks and also purposefully giving people STD’s for study.  Pretty sick and twisted shit that you would more likely hear about Nazi Germany, not the U.S.  BUT, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton did apologize on behalf of the ones behind the experimentation… so everythings ok now.

Havent you been slammed with back to back commercials from Eharmony and the white background?  “I never thought I could find this much happiness online… blah blah blah” Ive been tempted to punch my television because of those commercials.

Online dating is every where, hell, Ive got 2 friends that married from an online date. Once the trend caught on you got the niche’ dating sites that almost make you laugh when saying the name out loud… like sugardaddy.com, and millionaire mate.  Dear god people suck.  Yet these dating sites have grown pretty prosperous, and continue to grow.  Growing to the point where there is an actual dating site called GameCrush. Well its not technically a dating site because all you do is pay to play a game with attractive women.  Im serious.  For just $ 0.60, A MINUTE, you can play attractive women at such amazing games as connect 4 or… checkers.  Someone just shoot me and end it…

Admitting to online dating 10 years ago, usually got someone to look at you with a weird face.  It might even have them warning you to meet the other person in a public place and bring a knife.  Nowadays, people can find a dating site for just about anything… Do you like women to stomp on your balls while you wear a clown costume?  Then head over to clownsmasher.com, and enjoy.  Or maybe a large Indian man to dominate you, head over to Tamacock.com. (not real websites, sicko) Times have changed and the internet has provided just about everything you need for romantic or sexual satisfaction.  Dates just a click away, or even if you cant score there you’ve got porn just about everywhere.  You may even combine the dating and boning into a site like adultfriendfinder.com, or the old ‘adult’ section on craigslist.  The adult section was canceled this month.. unfortunately for men looking to get some sex who wouldn’t normally be able to get some sex.

Ill come clean, Ive tried the online dating world and had dirty, dirty lovemaking 500+ times..  (it was with my hand, on porn sites)  When it comes to the online dating world the main premise is to create a profile about yourself from vital statistics, to favorite TV shows.  Then you upload some pictures, and either start emailing people your interested in or sit back and wait for emails.   Some sites have tried other techniques, whether its webcam dates, gameplaying dates online, or eharmonys ‘scientifically proven survey for matchmaking’.   Honestly, I think 80% of people in the future might be meeting online.  It eliminates psychos, weirdos, whores, uncomfortable pick up lines etc.

All in all I see online dating as a good thing.  It helps you avoid date rape in a bar, (most likely), you find someone you already know has similar interests, and you could get 10 dates in a week without going to the gym twice a day or be born with magical hotness genes.  There are a lot of positives, but negatives are there too.  Theres still the possibility we see an ‘Eharmony killer”, or “The Match.com rapist” because people are fucking bananas.  But when you think like that, theres a possibility of a “Bar pickup murderer” too.  When you step back and look at things its not a bad option…  What do you think?

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They hired several hot college girls to wear red sweats and a t-shirt promoting the new Double Down sandwich while they handed out coupons.

GENIUS.

Not only is the Double Down aimed almost specifically at younger guys, but college dudes who have almost no money and need all their daily calories in one cheap sandwich.  Sex sells and KFC knows it… Its perfection.

So what could possibly go wrong?  Feminists… that’s what.

The National Organization for Women is already going all PMS on KFC for doing what Hooters, Beer, and any car commercial already do… Use women to sell the product.  Apparently offering poor college chicks $500 to wear sweat pants with a logo on the ass and a logo on the shirt is just so horrible.

Lets break this down shall we?????

KFC is having them wear sweatpants… not a fucking thong bikini.  Sweatpants that look eerily similar to another brand of sweatpants girls wear any way with its trademark name on the ass… PINK anybody?  And $500 bucks!?  To pass out coupons!?!  SIGN ME UP.  Couple hours, $500 bucks… some hookers don’t even get paid that well.

Now maybe if they used their old slogan “finger lickin good”.. I could see the argument.  Not agree with it, but at least recognize your stance.

Overly feministic organizations are going bat-shit over this whole ass-vertising fiasco that college girls are doing of their own free will and yet, chicks in the middle east are forced to wear clothing from head to toe, get executed for looking at another man, and sometimes get their clitoris’ ripped out so they aren’t tempted to cheat on their husband.  Go find a real cause and shut the fuck up.

Once the completely oblivious morons who began the protests realized the alternate meaning for “teabagging”, the name magically changed and we were given ‘The Tea Party.’

In the beginning it was just people that were pissed off about the economic mess the United States has been in, and was quickly mutilated by Freedomworks (read my old article for more information).  Then ultra rightwing conservatives started jumping all over the tea party bandwagon, and it slowly evolved.  It started to encompass actual politicians and other right wing media faces like Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh.  The group was generating attention and support for their disdain of the new federal laws including the stimulus package, and health care reform bills.  Then the protests gave birth to actual tea party candidates like Christine O’Donnell, who has been prominently featured in the news since winning the Republican Party nomination in the Delaware  Senate election, oh.. and for her statements about practicing witchcraft.  Yes.  Witchcraft.  She also has old TV footage of her calling masturbation ‘adultery’.  Basically shes fucking crazy, and a religious nut job… or dumb as a stick.

In one arena, I understand why so many people are blindly jumping to the Tea Party.  Because the Tea Party is promising change when things are so shitty.  It’s the Obama effect, he promised change and bam.. got elected.  The Tea Party unfortunately has the worst possible people behind it.  The actual printed beliefs of the tea party aren’t that insane… According to the Tea Party “Contract From America”, there are 10 items that they would like any candidate seeking office to abide by…

1. Identify constitutionality of every new law
2. Reject emissions trading
3. Demand a balanced federal budget
4. Simplify the tax system
5. Audit federal government agencies for constitutionality
6. Limit annual growth in federal spending
7. Repeal the health care legislation passed on March 23, 2010
8. Pass an ‘All-of-the-Above’ Energy Policy
9. Reduce Earmarks
10. Reduce Taxes

None of these really offend me or have bizarre agendas.  So even someone slightly intelligent enough to know these may even be interested, not just the redneck / religious nut / conservative that has been going out to tea party rallies.  It doesn’t take much more time or effort to uncover that the people involved, and the politicians they want to back may have slightly biased views and agendas.

According to multiple polls from the bulk of Tea Party goers… self-described Tea Party supporters are overwhelmingly white, married, older than 45, more conservative than the general population, and likely to be more wealthy and have more education than the general population.  Boy! That sounds like the bulk of America. (whack off motion)

On top of not representing America as a whole, the protestors and faces behind the Tea Party have had multiple racial ‘issues’.  One including Dale Robertson, the founder of Teaparty.org, holding a sign that read “Congress = Slaveowner, Taxpayer = Niggar”.  Yes, im not kidding and it was even featured on the official Houston Tea Party website until it was digitally altered for obvious reasons.  Another incident occurred with Springboro Tea Party founder Sonny Thomas’ posting something a smidge insensitive on his Twitter.

“Illegals everywhere today! So many spics makes me feel like a speck. Grrr. Wheres my gun!?”.

Woopsy!  As a result of his moronic post, multiple politicians set to speak at his Springboro Tea Party rally canceled.  Then there was another incident when Tea Party Express leader Mark Williams referred to Allah as a “Monkey God”.  Yes… ‘A MONKEY GOD.”  Ouch…  Needless to say, a whole lot of Muslim leaders didn’t like that too much.

All in all, the people behind the Tea Party are not the brightest or best folks out there.  The Tea Party may want the image of change and readjustment of everything that’s wrong in the country, but they aren’t.  Right wing media faces, and political ultra conservatives are merely using it as a springboard, and that list of ten things the Tea Party want accomplished… don’t mean anything…

Do yourself a favor and don’t let the Tea Party idea seduce you, because the ideals are very interesting, but if the current Tea Party politicians get in, we might as well be putting a gun to the head of America.  We’ll have a Coca-Cola logo on the white house roof, a corporation (or soulless machine) running our country, and morons in the crippled government.

Along with these sweet possibilities, the Tea Party media coverage strategy now… is to not have any media coverage.  With beyond ridiculous comments, retarded debates, and flat out stupid explanations to anything… this might be the best move.  If you can remember back to when Mccain announced Sarah Palin as his running partner, she COMPLETELY disappeared as soon as that announcement party was over.  Where’d she go?  Into MASSIVE media-coaching sessions… The Republicans couldn’t have their face for the presidency spouting out retardation.  Yet that coaching clearly didn’t take… One clearly horrible interview with Katie Couric resulted in much less television time for her from that point on.  Yet after a few years playin the game, shes developed into a figurehead for republicans and the Tea Party.. despite being a high functioning retard.  So with the ‘don’t talk to the media’ strategy working for her, expect O’Donnell to go bye-bye for a little while.

All in all, for god sakes think for yourself when trying to be sucked in by the Tea Party/ Tea baggers.  Even if you’re a republican, vote for a regular republican.. not a Tea Party politician.  For the love of god.

Question… in a regular sit down for TV time, have you been able to go a whole session without seeing some kind of male sexual pill?  Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, Extenze etc.?  My answer is no.. that stuff is thrown at me every 5 minutes, but to no avail because my weener is in tip top shape.  Yet have you ever seen a lady sexual pill??  I haven’t, and I found out why..

For some bizarre reason a product called Zestra just cant get on regular advertising time. Zestra is an arousal oil that sends more blood flow down to the ladys nooner thus more turned on, pretty straight forward right?  Well not really because the women that created the product have money for advertising but are getting turned down everywhere.  The networks they have spoken with will only allow Zestra ads between 11 pm and 4 am. Radio stations ask for certain word removal like ‘sex’ or ‘arousal’, and WebMD straight out said NO.

So with this, I ask.. what the hell??  Im not really a female rights crusader, nor will I ever be but, if ladies want to be able to get off and theres a male equivalent advertised every two seconds then I say let them advertise it.  Male sexual enhancement is so prevalent I can almost recite the damn side effects.. Dizziness; ‘flushing’ (eww); headache; heartburn; nausea; upset stomach… toss in rectal bleeding and you’ve got a full load.  But I digress, Im just confused at why something that annoys me on a constant basis isn’t allowed a female equivalent to at least show a commercial with some hot chick rubbing oil on her vag.. now that’s hot.

So when you dig down deep obviously men are superior in all ways.. but some things are just too retarded.  Such as most insurance companies covering male sexual prescriptions but not ladies birth control.  Kind of odd.. I mean ladies can still have sex without a birth control pill or an enhancement pill and men cant have sex with a wet noodle.. but what the hell, ladies should get some fun too.

The Kinsey Institute, which is all knowing in sex, says that only about 29 percent of women ALWAYS have an orgasm with their partner.  That’s less than the odds of a damn coin flip.  When the inventor of the product, Rachel Braun-Scherl talks about her product and advertising she explains

“Every woman needs help. Women on antidepressants have low libido. Women in menopause have low libido. Women who are stressed — which is pretty much the world — have low libidos. It’s basically universal, and yet, time and time again, we came up against ‘We don’t cover your category.’”

So, something that helps women get off… making my job easier… is banned from TV during regular hours, but Im still subject to ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’?  FUCK THIS!

So right here and now, Im advertising for Zestra!!  Ladies, go out and snag some Zestra and have yourself a good time in the sack.

Does it make anyone else sick that a rich person can just buy the power behind a government office?  Of course this has been the way of the world forever, but I haven’t had a public platform forever.

In comparison to her opponent democrat Jerry Brown who has spent less than a million dollars for his campaign, she just looks like a hog.  The race isn’t even over, and if Meg Whitman continues ramming money into her campaign as she has, she will add another 13 million a month until its over.  By the way, its not over for about another 50 days.

Before I continue on, I am obviously opposed to Meg Whitman being the governor of my state and hope people can see past her trash.  To help, Im going to point out some little fun facts…

In her career she has been a part of several board of directors, including eBay, Proctor & Gamble, and good ol Goldman Sachs.  Goldman Sachs, for those of you unaware… has received mass criticism because of its employees and consultants going in and out of high level U.S. Government positions.

- On April 16, 2010, the Securities and Exchange Commission sued Goldman Sachs for allegedly misstating and omitting facts in documents for a synthetic CDO it created.  Basically, the suit was because Goldman Sachs lied to investors saying their independent agent reviewed a mortgage package for credit default issues, but didn’t tell anyone that a hedge fund ‘Paulson & Co’ was trying to short the package.  And actually helped select the specific mortgages which they were going to bet against.

- On April 30, 2010, the US Attorney General launched a criminal investigation into Goldman Sachs.

- On July 15, 2010, Goldman agreed to pay $550 million to both the U.S government and investors in a settlement with the SEC. Part of the settlement also required the change of some of its business practices regarding mortgage investments, including the way it designs marketing materials.

Even though they paid $550 million, the complaint actually stated that Paulson made a $1 billion profit from the short investments.

So maybe you say Goldman Sachs did those things right, Not Meg Whitman… Well, in 2002 she actually resigned from Goldman Sachs due to controversy that she had received shares in several public offerings managed by Goldman Sachs.  So her relationship with the company ends there, right?  Well, actually Goldman Sachs has donated $100,000 to Whitmans campaign, and still manages a piece of her fortune.  So I guess she wouldn’t do shady business creating a conflict of interest right?  Well as the CEO of eBay shes earned just shy of 2 million dollars resulting from a practice known as spinning… where executives who did business with Goldman Sachs could gain profits by getting early deals before the public on hot IPOs offered by the bank.

Still not connecting dots?  Right now Meg Whitman has several million dollars at stake in 21 different investments.. managed by Goldman Sachs…

Take that as you will…

Outside of incredibly suspicious business dealings, her new political campaign is also incredibly sketchy.  She has put out ridiculous double talk such as a Spanish-language television ad during the World Cup soccer games, with one ad stating “The Latino kids attending public schools in California today will be tomorrow’s doctors, engineers, businessmen and teachers.”  Then when you look at Whitman’s policy papers it shows that she supports “policies that will not allow undocumented immigrants admission to state-funded institutions of higher education, such as UC, CSU and community colleges.” HA!  How two faced is that!?

She will also go to any lengths and step on any toes she feels like, simply to further her campaign… Like releasing an ad against Jerry Brown containing copyrighted images from failblog.org. (An awesome website filled with hours of entertainment)  Basically trying to recreate a FAIL, in the form of Jerry Brown.  Yet as soon as Ben Huh, the founder of Failblog, found out they had stolen images his company demanded an apology and removal of their copyrighted works.  Then I can get as blatant and straight forward with a statement from factcheck.org stating “Meg Whitman’s attack ads fail to tell the truth”.

As its been relentlessly advertised… Meg Whitman gained her fortune by running eBay as CEO, yet 75% of her ads have been smear ads, criticizing Jerry Brown any which way she can.  Some of which even criticize his ‘overspending’ going into the governors office with a surplus and leaving with a deficit.  Wow. Meg Whitman has just made the record books on ridiculous spending for a political campaign, and unlike faceless, soulless corporations the government is for the betterment of their governed area… not profits.  Her ads have gotten on the air because she has been able to cite incorrect news reports and false statements such as lost jobs under Jerry Brown, and taxes being raised by Jerry Brown.  When he actually created near 2 million new jobs, and cut 4 billion dollars in taxes.

More than Meg Whitman being a horrifyingly bad choice for governor, you’ve got Jerry Brown whos proven he can turn things around.  During his time in office as CA governor he created one of the largest budget surpluses in California HISTORY.  He served as a representation for efficient money budgeting and even declined the governors mansion and limo, renting an apartment in downtown Sacramento and riding in a compact sedan, Plymouth Satellite.

For god sakes look into this election… Don’t just take my word for it, look into Meg Whitmans past and the blatant falsehoods in her smear campaign. Look into Jerry Brown and what hes done in his political past.  California is in one of the worst financial problems it has ever faced, and we cannot put someone in as governor that cant handle the issues.

*** I will not be placing an advertisement at the bottom of this article for fear that Meg Whitmans money machine will buy the placement to go here.***

Know why?

Because manager Brenda Armes has taken it upon herself to develop a new policy which is solidified with a sign in their window stating “Screaming children will not be tolerated.”  This is the best restaurant policy Ive ever heard of, and I want it in place at every restaurant except Chuck E Cheese and other ‘kid friendly’ locales.  Actually, fuck it.. this policy should be every where.

But my magical dream of dispatching screaming, bratty children is now being attacked by unbelievably pussy whiney douchebags under the curtain of calling it “discrimination.” A certain mother by the name of Kelly Chambliss, has a stick up her ass about the sign and the restaraunts policy.  Apparently her son is autistic, and autistic children are prone to screaming uncontrollably and basically going bonkers at any time.  Shes putting up her banner of disapproval citing the ‘Americans with Disabilities Act’.  Ok, first off lady she didn’t put up a sign that said “No autistic’s allowed”.. Second, you roll the dice any time you pop out a kid, and you crapped out.  Sorry your kid is handicapped, but you wanted to a be a parent now you get to deal with what you got.  Not the other 50 people trying to enjoy a drink and a nicely prepared meal without your kid going apeshit.  Your kid is not getting singled out, every stupid little kid that wont shut the hell up is being treated the same.

If I was in North Carolina, looking for a place to grab some grub and I saw a sign that said “Screaming children will not be tolerated”, then I dont care if they were serving steaming piles of dog shit, Id be going to THAT RESTAURANT.  The quiet tranquility of a restaurant is part of the reason I pay extra money for the meal… When I see some little spawn of Satan jumping around a booth yelling randomly at everything that moves, while a couple of parents just stare down at their plate of Salisbury steak not doing a damn thing.. THAT PISSES ME OFF.  You cant lie to me and say youve never been having dinner when a family comes and sits down in the booth next to you with some little hellspawn child that wont shut up, and you roll your eyes or use your hand as a fake gun to signal to your friend that youd rather blow your brains out.

If a privately-owned restaurant wants to ban psychotic screaming children that cant be controlled by hippy parents, then sign me up for that ban!  Let the stupid parents who cant control their kid, or cant handle their kid with a ‘disability’ go to a damn child dedicated restaurant or get a poor unsuspecting babysitter to watch the little terd.

So opposed to me throwing the kid out the window like a shotput, and getting so angry, how about a policy of no stupid loud, and obnoxious children!?  Take your little ball of insanity to a Mcdonalds playland asshole, and quit ruining my time out. Kelly Chambliss is trying to avoid having her child discriminated against, which I cant knock her for.  What I can knock her for is the fact discrimination is defined by dictionary.com as ‘treatment of a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit’.  So, when you see the sign “Screaming children will not be tolerated.” The sign doesn’t say ‘this certain class of children will not be tolerated.’ It says ‘ANY’ screaming child.  Which applies to an autistic or retarded or psychotic or hungry or ANY child. All children will be treated the same according to the sign.  So your discrimination complaint is garbage…

http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/3EFBFFFF01F5E97A0017010F9755/

Go here, give the video a thumbs up and if its possible, leave a comment.. ANYTHING YOU CAN DO!  Post it on facebook, tweet it, put it in your own blog!  I have this in a one week competition to possibly win a chance to be on Comedy Central!!

In my projects Ive also done some cartoons, and finally with the budget to do so, I went ahead and had a new cartoon animated.  I wrote the script, and designed the characters, and then went ahead and asked my old writing partner Kevin Rogers to come in and record some character voices…

After 6 weeks with an animation studio, its here and its ready to rock and roll.

In order to get as much exposure as possible Ive created a censored and uncensored version.  Censored versions are on submission sites like Youtube, and newgrounds.com.

The more positive reviews and high ratings I get there, the more exposure I get for my websites, and my media.  Then the uncensored version goes on Thethirdbrand.com, hopefully driving some traffic there to get me money from my advertisements.

As far as the cartoon itself, its about a hamster world.. yes, hamsters.  But not the retarded Kia car commercial hamsters, which blow.  These are more human like with all the aspects of hamsters added.  The story is based mostly around hamster cops that fall into cases ranging much like cases on Law and Order, or CSI, but in a spoofy comedic way.  The main characters include Gizmo Murphy, and Squeekers Johnson… Gizmo is a veteran with a recently deceased partner whos getting a new partner at the beginning of the series in rookie goodie two shoes Squeekers Johnson.  Their personalities are being developed more, but youll get the jist when you see the first part of the episode.

All in all, im stoked to see what happens with this cartoon and the future of The Third Brand and thishotfire, and with the help of my friends and fans, maybe I could hit the catalyst Ive been working for, for so long.

Feel free to check out thethirdbrand.com for some other projects.

I first heard about the different theories on what happened September 11^th 2001 when I was in college in the fall of 2005.  Another college filmmaker like myself living in New York had the idea of making a fictional film that the 911 attacks were engineered by the United States itself.  Once they started researching for the writing of the movie they said the information they found was so disturbing and unusual they went from fiction, to non-fiction.  Firmly believing they stumbled upon information that 911 was an inside job they were some of the pioneers of the 911 truth movement which has really spawned a gigantic following online.

If your curious about Dylans film, feel free to check out his site.  His film and site include more facts than I can remember about the 911 attacks.  http://www.loosechange911.com/

To me the 911 truth movement was very thought provoking in 2005 before it became more main stream.  Then things the movement began saying were almost completely circumstantial and hearsay.  ‘A pod came off the plane as it crashed’ which quickly was disbanded and edited out of Dylans documentary.  Or certain politicians were notified not to fly on September 11^th because of a possible terrorist attack (they say this with no proof but online articles). Yet some things they stumbled upon were definitely scary.  News footage from the day of 911 had multiple people saying they heard explosions before the collapse of the world trade center towers, multiple news anchors flat out stated ‘Explosions have been reported from inside the twin towers’.  The pentagon airplane crash is just a big hole with no marks from a planes tail section, or wings, or engines, with almost no plane wreckage.  Looking, and seeming almost exactly like a missile impact.  The plane crash in Pennsylvania left literally no debris, vaporizing the plane.  By the way, a plane has never ‘vaporized’ upon an impact with the earth leavin no bodies, or debris except this one time.  These aren’t just things people in ‘the movement’ have said or pushed forward in their agenda, they are just facts sitting right in front of your face.

Does some of this info say without a doubt the US, or other secret organization attacked itself to push forward monumental change in foreign and domestic policies?  I can honestly say I don’t know.  I cant say yes, but in good conscience cant say no either.  There are way too many coincidences, and way too many perfectly executed reactions to 911.  There are records and proof that massive amounts of put-options were purchased a week before 911 on several different airlines.  A put-option is basically a stock purchase saying a company is going to have massive losses, and business difficulties.  The owner of the World Trade Center also took out a massive insurance policy on the towers just weeks before specifically covering terrorist attacks.  These things are readily available to view as part of public domain, and the coincidences are fucking insane.

So the question is, what the hell happened on 9-11?  I wont pretend to know… But what I do know is that things don’t add up, and there are too many ‘coincidences’.  Just because Im undetermined on what happened doesn’t mean I believe every psychotic crackpot conspiracy theory.  Which is what many media outlets want people to believe for some reason.  Anyone that questioned 911 soon after the attacks was anti-American… Anyone that questioned 911 a few years after was a rebel, and stumbling upon massive amounts of unusual information.  NOW, you’re a fucking whack job.  People are displayed as whackos with schizophrenia or something because they question the actual story.  Im not out there in peoples faces screaming CONSPIRACY.. I simply question the hole-filled story we were given.

There are many people capitalizing on the Truth movement and writing articles, making films, organizing protests etc and for some reason they are overly aggressive, and sound dumb.  Its almost like its staged at times… But if you do get curious and try to wade through all the bullshit that’s come out the past couple years, you find facts that really make you think.

The Discovery Channel and History Channel have both aired different specials taking on the 911 conspiracy theorists and their ideas.  After knit picking out certain aspects of truth movement beliefs, they disproved multiple ideas, and oddly enough everything they happened to choose was disproved.  Yet they didn’t tackle every fact or bit of information, merely the science of the attacks.  Like the jet fuel heat, the freefall of the towers, etc.

I like to get all the information I can with something this huge, but we have only scraped the surface.  The JFK assassination is all but true in most peoples eyes…  I have a feeling 911 may develop into its own folklore.

Tell me what you think… what are your thoughts?  Is it all bullshit?  If so, why?  You have more to add?

The scientific name of the fungus is Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, and when observed in ants it has shown that once a chemical is released inside the body the ant will leave the colony.  ANTS DON’T LEAVE A COLONY… that’s like saying I decided to flap my wings and fly.  If anything gets in their way they’ll fight to the death… and beyond!  The fungus controls them now in life and death.  That’s zombie shit my friend!  The purpose of this particular fungus is to get the ant to a certain level in between the forest floor and high in the canopies where humidity and heat suit the fungus best.  That’s right, the fungus completely controls the ant until its death when the fungus forces its victim to lock its mandibles into a central part of a plant.  Once locked into place perfectly for the fungus it begins growing and sprouting literally right out of the ants head and body.  This sprout begins growing a pod of spores that can carry the zombie fungus across the forest floor to infect another creature.

The team of scientists was led by Harvards David Hughes and discovered what is being called the first and probably only example of behavioral manipulation.  Now that this ridiculously insane information has been found they plan to study what makes the parasitic fungus take over the brain and muscles.

Look… Call me paranoid.  But what seems like the most non-threatening thing in the world?  A plant, you say?  So if America was able to manipulate this parasite to attack humans, and then drop a box of these ‘non-threatening’ fungus plants on Al Qaeda? Yet during scientific trials something goes horribly wrong and begins infecting Everybody!?  BAM!! Mother fuckin zombie apocalypse son.  After all the movies, theories, and ‘zombie survival’ joke books… Its coming.  Zombies, Are, Coming.

The legislation in Santa Clara only applies to unincorporated areas and doesn’t affect ALL restaraunts.  Whats being proposed in San Fran would affect everything, not just Mcdonalds hapy meals.  Jack in the Box, Burger King, Taco Bell etc.  The reasoning behind this was explained further by the biggest sponsor of the legislation, Eric Mar… “It will help protect the public’s health, reduce costs to our health care system and promote healthier eating habits.”

The ‘Healthy Meal’ legislation (haha, see not ‘happy’, but ‘healthy’.. those clever bastards in the governement) wants to set specific nutritional standards for any meals that come with toys.  So when Fatty Mclittlekid, throws a tantrum with mommy and daddy for a Happy Meal, hes getting a meal with veggieburgers, and fruit.  Say bye-bye to fries…

Not much to do with anything... but it still makes me laugh.

So what are we supposed to think about this??  Happy that kids may eat healthier through fast foodrestaraunts? Or pissed off that government is tightening the noose on our freedoms neck?  In one hand kids are obese and developing ridiculous fat related diseases by puberty and the parents arent doing shit about it and most likely suffering from diabetes themselves.  People have low self control… if they can get away with collecting an unemployment check, eating fast food daily, and not moving from a couch, THEY WILL.  Do I think government should tell us what we can eat?  Tell us if we can smoke? Tell us if we can or cannot perform sodomy on a consenting adult?   NO.  We are supposed to be free and able to make our own choices.  If a kid turns into a blimp, then take the fucking kid away!  Put him in a fat camp/foster home.  Parents should be taking care of their kids, and helping them avoid a steady diet of lard, soda and fast food.  If they cant do that, just like if they cant stop them from doing drugs, or leaving them in dangerous situations, then take them away until the parent gives a shit.

All in all, if they outlaw using toys to entice kids to eat at fast food spots its no sweat off my sack.  It may help little kids, and avoid the marketing trap that fast food companies have cleverly created, but at what cost?  Trans fats have been made illegal, soon kiddie toys in meals, people are suing companies for ‘making them fat’… it’s a double edged sword, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.  Could this lead to governments monitoring peoples food intake and waist lines?  Who knows?  What do you think?

I know.. I know.. But hear me out…

Earlier this week Jennifer Aniston stated that “women don’t need men to start a family or be good mothers.”  For Christ sakes.. way to glorify single motherhood when you’re a fucking 41 year old millionaire who can hire 100 different people to take care of any kid she creates with a fucking turkey baster.  Women don’t need men for that, that’s like saying I can go pee with a shard of glass rammed in my dickhole.  Sure I can do it!  But is it good for my weener, or good to leave the infection to spread!?  NO.  Just like raising a kid with one parent hurts the kid.  You can do it… sure, but for a normal woman struggling to get along working two jobs AND tking care of a kid all by herself?  Is that fair to the woman?  Or the kid?  No.

These were my thoughts when first hearing about it… then I caught word that Bill O Reilly had.. the same opinion… as me.. It was like stumbling into the twilight zone.  Up was down, black was white, Lindsay Lohan was a nun… I was bothered to say the least.  Mr O Reilly explained that “She’s throwing a message out to 12-year-olds and 13-year-olds that, ‘Hey you don’t need a guy. You don’t need a dad.’ That is destructive to our society.”  Sure its over the top and still sounds whacky, but if you wade through the bullshit, hes got a point.  He went along to explain Aniston was glorifying being a single parent, and with a society that has worshipped Paris Hilton, the Kardashians, reality TV, and Lindsay Lohan THAT’S DANGEROUS.

Aniston dim wittedly made these comments and went on to explain how times have changed and women don’t need men to be good mothers.  No shit Aniston, you can just have a vagina and a decent personality and you can be labeled a “good mother.”  Does that make you a good parent? A good provider? Or able to provide a stable and childhood?  NO.  Sorry woman, but if your raising a kid by yourself, that states right there you don’t know shit about men or life or compromise enough to even have a relationship, let alone be a parent.  A good single parent is an oxymoron, you cant be a man and a woman, you cant have 2 personalities, and you cant teach a kid about life and the world from one perspective.  You can do it, Im not arguing that.. its been done and keeps being done.. but people are huffing WD-40 too, that doesn’t make it good.

The men that do try hard, that love their children, or the pregnancy was a mistake and the guy sticks around.  Those are some tough bastards, and her statements just diminish that and might as well provoke dudes to leave when they knock some girl up… Cause Jennifer Aniston said they can do it just fine by themselves!

Of course O Reilly ended the show by challenging Jennifer Aniston to go on his show, which was inevitable because O Reilly doesn’t care about the message or the reasoning, he just wants ratings and money.  We may have slightly agreed on one topic but, don’t count on that happening again any time soon.

So why the hell am I talking about doomsday bunkers?  Hell I don’t know, I saw unusual information criss crossing and coming up over and over again online so Im writing to figure it out a little more.

Maybe there is a 2012 conspiracy… maybe theres an asteroid coming… maybe some crazy rich guy is developing a super virus to ‘cleanse’ the planet.. Maybe a James Bond villain is about to poison our atmosphere so we all have to live under the sea.. I DON’T KNOW FOR SURE.  All I know is that different engineering companies and shelter manufacturers are turning in record sales numbers in the heart of the biggest recession in my life.  SOMETHINGS GOING DOWN!! My moneys on zombie apocalypse.

Hardened Structures of Colorado, Utah Shelter Systems, Radius Engineering in Texas, are just some of the companies manufacturing ‘doomsday shelters and they are all reporting record profits.  People be scared son!

Catastrophes are inevitable.. I wont lie.. an earthquake might turn LA into an island, a hurricane might finish off Louisiana, but these businesses are creating structures meant to survive for years underground.  Its not like, oh hey, I wanna have a cool doomsday structure, im gonna build one… DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT.  These things can accommodate 5 to 2,000 adults underground for one to five years with power, food, water and filtered air.  It takes serious time, and serious cash ($400,000 to a $50 million) to make these bunkers.

My research kept turning up one particular organization, The Vivos network. The Vivos network is not the only organization offering shelter from the apocalypse, but for some reason the most highly mentioned online.  The network offers something similar to timeshares, except in underground survival land.

Some critics are saying the Vivos network is capitalizing on peoples fear.  Guess what morons?  America is a capitalist country.. Theres a need, and they’re filling the void.   Although their website does show a countdown to December 21^st 2012, or the end of the Mayan Long Count Calendar.  Along with a list of multiple global catastrophes that would require an underground bunker like solar flares, massive volcanoes, asteroids, etc.  Both which made me laugh.  That’s just good marketing!  Let them capitalize on peoples fears and make some money before the world ends.

But I digress, this isn’t about capitalism and banking off peoples fear… Its about doomsday bunkers thriving in sales.  What is doing this!?  Middle class people are too poor, poor people are definitely too poor.. so that leaves the elite upper class.  Why now?  Is the 2012 Mayan crap another Y2K?  or is the apocalypse coming?

Your thoughts?

The first time I heard about Justin Bieber I was told ‘some new faggy little kid is making twilight fans cream their pants.’  I thought that meant he was in a new twilight movie, but my friend was actually just talking about the retarded fan base of twilight and Justin Bieber being the same.  Quickly he went from annoying little kid to chillin with rappers and becoming a female jailbait temptation.  I never thought Id see the day that some poppy little white kid would be kickin it with hip hop artists… what the fuck happened to NWA rappers that rapped about shooting white people and slappin hoes!?  Some say its culture maturing in a melting pot, I say fuck you.. pussies.

Ive had many poppy douche bag pretty boys take the hearts and vaginas of women in my lifetime, with their synchronized dancing and girl like voices… Ricky Martin, Lance Bass.. oh wait, they ended up being gay.  Hmmmm…

Although Ive experienced boy bands, and multiple homo-erotic male pop stars Ive never seen something to quite the extent of the Bieber.  Hes going to start shooting a 3D biopic starring himself to be released next Valentines day, and hes working on a memoir (hes 16 by the way).  So some little toolbag kid with fruity looking hair explodes off youtube and now hes doing all this!?  What the hell!?  And 14 – 15 year old girls cant get enough, they might even kill another human being just to meet this kid.

Did you know Bieber has a “swagger coach”?  Whats a swagger coach you ask?  Ryan Good is Biebers “SC” and before any event Bieber throws together an outfit, and emails a photograph of himself to this guy to get approval.  I shit you not.  A 16 year old boy is sending photographs to an older man for fashion approval.  Take that as you will… Hes also heavily into Twitter… Some say he tweets twice as much as any celebrity on the site.  Do you follow him?  Don’t lie.. you want to keep tabs on the Bieber, DON’T YOU!?  Apparently he engages in actual conversations with fans, and not just random posts placating them, so sign up ladies!  And creepy dudes…

It was just 13 months ago that Bieber was just some douchey little kid getting filmed by his mommy for youtube, and now hes selling out arenas and is recognized as a full on pop culture sensation.  How the hell!?  Once you have the passion of young teenage girls behind you, anything is possible these days.

The only good thing about ridiculously effeminate male pop stars is the hilarious pranks and jokes about them.  The online campaigns by 4chan have been fucking hilarious…  One involved getting the Google Trends Hot Searches list to have the top search be “Justin Bieber Syphilis”.. HILARIOUS.   Or doing mass pushes of news rumors that he joined a cult, and/or his mom got paid to do a Playboy spread.  My favorite has to be when his tour website asked fans to vote for his ‘bonus’ tour location, and a campaign started through 4chan to vote for the heavily communist and anti-American, North Korea.  Which WON.  HAHA!  That’s solid gold.  Although the tour organizers wont send him there, and deny it was a prank.

All in all, Bieber is here to stay for awhile and even elaborate pranks to send him to his death in North Korea or try to convince internet users he has Syphilis or hes joined a cult wont stop this effeminate freight train.  Ha… I just copyrighted that phrase for Bieber.

So, if your anything like me, your wondering… whats the catch?  Is this all for some bigger reason than “the greater good”.. Is their some hidden, nefarious reason being passed off as charity donations?  Well after some research I had a tough time figuring out what the hell it could be…  Although I did find out that this campaign asks billionaires to give away, at minimum, half their wealth but the donation will occur during their lifetime or after their death, not immediately. Yet they do make it clear that the billionaire needs to publicly state their intention with a letter explaining their decision to donate. The organization putting together this pledge has clearly stated “The Pledge is a moral commitment to give, not a legal contract.”  So take that as you will… Of course there will be massive tax breaks for these donations, but Gates and Buffet explain this is not a reason for the donations.  {whack off motion}  Yea, but they will still take those tax breaks wont they?

Still, Im confused.. I cant help but think there is another agenda.. something else going on..  Maybe the worlds richest people are putting their money into a fake charity that’s building special colonies on the moon, or Mars because the Earth is about to be destroyed.. Or maybe they need to build special ships 2012 style to survive the end of the Mayan calendar.  THERE IS ANOTHER REASON DAMMIT! And im going to find it!

Any ideas?  Anybody know anything?  You can feel free to take a look at the billionaires joining the pledge and see their letters on www.thegivingpledge.org.   Tell me your opinions!

Back in my days of disgusting cafeteria food, I remember meals having some potatoes or hashbrowns then they turned the leftovers into mashed potatoes once they went bad.  Then some kind of smashed and reheated frozen meat, followed up with a fruit cup or tapioca.. It was always gnarly when I was a kid.  Luckily my parents felt my pain and packed me a lunch for school.  I got away lucky… but most poor bastards don’t these days.  Public school lunches used to just be disgusting piles of slop, then through backdoor deals and arrangements with food product companies they become edible chemical loaded slop.  Heaps of soggy overly oiled and salty French fries, fake sugar filled juice, and other processed and preservative loaded meals.  Its pretty bad.  Then to add some salt and lemon juice to that open wound… Prisoners are eating better then the young minds of America.

More reports keep hitting the media on how murderers / rapists / gang members / child molestors and others are eating better than Americas youth.  Prisons, unlike public schools, normally prepare meals from scratch as opposed to dropping a frozen brick of chicken nuggets into a deep frier.  So whats on the menu in prison?  Balanced meals prepared from scratch by a government employed chef.  Normally prisoners are provided breakfast and dinner and have the option of lunchtime snacks.  Some one who could rape and murder then possibly rape the dead body again is eating better than Americas children in public schools.  What the FUCK!?

So maybe you think.. well, its got to be a matter of money.  WRONG.  Schools receive a budget estimated around $2.70 a meal while most prisons get away with meals from scratch made for less than $2.  Yet by some magical ability… prison budgeters and chefs are able to still get balanced meals and the necessary servings of fruits, vegetables etc. to prison inmates.  All the while little jack and Jill at Bear Valley elementary eat a daily dose of processed Chicken filets, and repurposed meats with a side of full fat chocolate milk and Kool Aid. Prison meals are also screened and most of the time submitted to a dietician or nutritionist for approval.  Public schools… Nope.

So viewing all this information.. how do you feel?  What is your take on the government run system allowing our kids to eat like prisoners, and prisoners being fed balanced meals approved by certified dieticians?  Why is this ass backwards!?  Someone help me here!!

This time around it didn’t happen to involve young boys.. it happened to older boys.  An Italian magazine has released a report on three priests in Rome going on a homo sexy time bananza. The reporter Carmelo Abbate, went out and used hidden cameras, and other investigative means to compile the story. On top of secret cameras Abbate also had an accessory follow him and the priests to several gay clubs, and even set up the accessory to do the hibbity dibbity with one of the priests.. you know.. for more credibility.

The people behind the magazine claim this story is not to create a controversy, or to just sell copies… HA! my asshole… they explain that they wanted to expose a certain sect of the church.  Which sect, im unsure of… But I do know its making everyone from the pope to any ol priest in the Catholic Church look like a freak job.  Maybe the father of the church should carry around a leather S&M mask and anal beads.. just to be prepared.

Although gay guys are hiding in a religious corporation that does not condone homo’s, I still think secretly videotaping people in their private lives is pretty awful.  Your not a church inquisitor, or an investigator for the Vatican, who these gay preists turned themselves over to… what gives this douchebag reporter the right to follow around, secretly videotape, and then entrap them with a gay buddy?  I know reporters can sink pretty low, but god damn.. somebody resurrect Walter Kronkite.

Even though the current Pope doesn’t have the best track record in dealing with sex scandals thus far, he has explained that they are now starting a “rigourous investigation to find persons unworthy of priestly life.”  Well Id rather you find the child molestors before the purely gay ones Mr. Pope, but hey, whatever gets you people off your ass to find the NAMBLA members…

Once diving a little deeper into the story I found a smidge of information very interesting and that is.. many in the Vatican, and the rest of the Catholic Church, believe child molestation is due to the behavior of homosexual priests.  What!?!  Being gay doesn’t make you rape little boys.. SORRY CHIEF.  They may have disgusting butt sex with another dude, but that doesn’t evolve into rubbing little kids… To back me up there is almost no scientific basis for a conclusion like that, but it’s the Catholic Church so science is the devil.  The mass exercise of child molestation came from cover ups by bishops and other priests, and lack of prosecution.

Ok, so from my jumbled ramblings you can see this whole thing is just one big sloppy clusterfuck.  Three priests got caught red handed, or red assed if you will, and a slummy reporter caught them.  Are they the first priests to partake in hypocritical undertakings?  NOPE.  Yet their lack of control and love of weener has cast an even bigger and uglier shadow on other faithful priests and religious figures which is really unfair.  This whole thing unfortunately is going to lead to a witch hunt of sorts to out the gay priests yet probably leave child molesters to carry on.  Because if theres one thing the catholic church has taught me, its that being gay is waaaay more evil than destroying the psychological health and well being of a kid.

8. Ultimate Alliance
-The movie is coming soon; but, what will unite Marvel’s Ultimate Alliance? I think the story
from the second game is a good start! I would just prefer not to see the predictable aliens or
everyone vs. Hulk….Wait this game had aliens…dammit! The reason I suggest this is more to
the hopes that more established characters would be in the movie, I hate Wolverine now but I
would still like to see him in this movie.
7. Ghost Busters
-Ghost Busters franchise was made 20 years ago and yet this game takes place 2 years after
it. The essence of Ghost Busters was shockingly preserved like it was in carbonite, these guys
still have and I want it! Ok so the game itself wasn’t as fun as watching the movies. The best
part is that even though the technology does evolve during the course of the game it still looks
McGuyvered by Egon.
6. Fallout
-Once again the main aspect of this game that makes it so great is that it’s free roam, which can’t be translated into a movie very well. The saving grace for this choice is the incredible story that has you emerging from a fallout shelter into a nuclear wasteland which is full of interesting
locations and characters; A major city in the game is a repurposed naval battleship and inside you can find ghouls! An interesting irony is that this story set in a distant future which emulates the 1950s.
5. Warcraft
-This movie has been in the works forever but it’s on this list because it’s not a movie yet!
It’s the story we have all seen before, a bunch of people get together and oppress another race and said race must band together under one leader and achieve freedom. The characters of this story are similar to Lord of the Rings in that one side has Human races while the other side of the
battle has humanoid races, but the “bad guys” aren’t really bad and they’re actually not drones.

Hopefully Blizzard will acknowledge the Horde this time, unlike the South Park episode…

4. Assassins creed
-Assassins Cree not only gave us a new way to view our ancestor’s memories it also introduced
new interpretation to religious historical truths. The story opens your mind to new ideas and
gives us something to debate, I find myself preferring what was presented in Assassins Creed
instead of what I read in the Bible. To make it better the games are building to a conclusion with
the 2012 event.

3. Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
- The Force Unleashed is an awesome game that was something new instead of the Clone Wars period that Lucas is drowning us in! While lacking the plot twists of usual Star Wars stories this game was still full of faced paced action, astonishing character development, and the inevitable
good vs. evil. Did I mention lightsabers? On top of all that awesome, The Force Unleashed was exactly that; unleashing the Force! Pushing Stormtroopers through walls is very satisfying and would translate very well to the big screen.
2. Uncharted
-Uncharted 2 was practically already a movie thanks to its full utilization of the PS3’s raw power. The graphics in Uncharted 2 were breath taking and incredibly varied! The music was unique and very fitting to each scene and emotion. Of course the characters were deep and quite
ranging…oh and the two chicks are sexy! Imagine the rich story to be a combination of Indiana
Jones, James Bond, and Rambo. The best part is how long the story is, it could easily be a 2 to 3
hour movie and no one would be bored.

1. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
-What?! 2 Star Wars games in this list? Yes, I’m a nerd and KOTOR was a no brainer for me.
Knights of the Old Republic was a perfect Star Wars story and was infinitely better than the
crap we were subjected to these past several years. Knights had everything from learning the
Force to building a lightsaber to a love interest to OMG WHAT THE FUCK OMG I JUST
SHIT MY PANTS plot twists. Unlike Force Unleashed, Knights had a unique soundtrack that
captured the essence of Star Wars without eluding the infamous trilogy’s established music.
The best part is that it’s set an even longer time ago in which it doesn’t matter how futuristic
it seems anything can happen because everyone forgets everything after a millennia or two.

Honorable Mentions: Halo, Infamous, Arkham Asylum, God of War, Red Dead Redemption,
and any of the Pierce Brosnan Bond games because they’re all better than his Bond
movies…well except Goldeneye of course! I didn’t a lot of games because I probably never
played them. If I missed any then please let me know with some angry comments, or you could
be nice and just add to my list.

Stay tuned for my list on Movies That Should Be Games…if done correctly.

That’s right, you read that title right.  Mel Gibson isn’t the psycho, racist, abusive, monsterbeast the media keeps portraying him as.  For god sakes, leave the fucking guy alone.  Did you know his EX WIFE, the bane of some mens existence, has backed him up through all of the crap the media keeps putting out there?  Robyn, who was married to Mel Gibson for decades and had 7 kids with him provided an affidavit specifically stating he was NEVER abusive in decades of marriage.  Yet Mels ex-girlfriend (who in my opinion is most likely a money grubbing gold digging whore) is claiming hes an abusive monster.  When the hell does a man magically become abusive after 50 years old?  IT DOESN’T HAPPEN.  Sorry folks.  Abusive men show a past of violence not a magical decision to deck a woman in the face when hes 53 years old.  Yet when you’re a woman with no talent or ability in our world, an abusive boyfriend sure makes for a good story to tell a civil lawyer and judge.

So why is the media portraying Mel Gibson this way?  Well, the racist/ignorant part of me wants to say because he made The Passion of the Christ, which pissed off Jews who control the media into going on a smear campaign against him.  Haha, but I would never say such things.  That’s just nonsense….

Just like any other celebrity who has gone through difficult times, the media is going to town on a person when theyre wounded.  Any A list celebrity that has any kind of meltdown or bump in the road in their life gets “the treatment”.  Tiger Woods, Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Spears..  the list goes on.  So he got wasted drunk and ILEGEDLY said something anti-semitic.  Ive seen a drunk guy walk straight up to a black guy and drop the N bomb right in their face.  When your drunk you say and do stupid shit!!  Wow, sorry to bust out that revelation on you..

Now these bullshit tapes have leaked online with Mel supposedly yelling and screaming psycho garbage.  Now im not one to lose my cool too often, but I have before and Ive seen others lose it before.  You say FUCKED UP THINGS when your on the defensive and pissed off.  You go for the jugular, you want to verbally rape someone that has snapped your last string of sanity… You think of the worst possible things they would want to hear and you say them, you want to scare them, you want to demolish them.  Is this a good thing?  No, not at all.  Is it human? Hell yes its human and just because hes an A list celebrity doesn’t make him some kind of deity of perfection.

When I look at the facts, Mel Gibson has definitely said some dumbass things, and gotten a little too drunk a few times.  Does this make him the evil monster the media is portraying him as?  HELL NO.  This man has made some of the most awesome movies ever… Braveheart, Lethal Weapon, Apocolypto, Payback, Mad Max.. Hes a great actor, producer and director so let the man continue providing these awesome pieces of film.  I will watch anything that has Mel Gibsons name on it, and so should you.  What he does in his personal life doesn’t change what he does in his medium.  So this is why I say Mel Gibson is awesome… Because Im backing him up.  Mistakes or not, hes a church going man, he provides charitable donations, and hes raising 7 kids in this messed up world.  Cut the guy some slack.

Apparently there are dozens of reports going ape shit (haha, im so clever) in the Chinese media about monkeys being trained for jihad, by terrorist groups to go against US troops.  I shit you not, there are legitimate reports that monkeys are being trained to use weapons against US military troops.

The report explained, AND I QUOTE… “The militants were arming the primates with AK-47 rifles, machine guns and trench mortars in the Waziristan tribal region bordering Pakistan and Afghanistan. The monkey soldiers are being turned into snipers at a secret Taliban training base and are in turn being rewarded with ‘bananas and peanuts’.”

I realize these monkeys are being trained to kill our boys over there.. but who isn’t laughing their ass off about this right now?? Seriously.. these psycho sons of bitches are actually making sniper monkeys.  Say that shit out loud, seriously.. you laughed? Didn’t you?

These fundamentalist fuckheads make IED’s, suicide bombs, and now monkey soldiers.  I suppose paying soldiers in bananas and peanuts is less expensive than paying for enough muslim fundamentalist crap to brainwash poverty ridden folks in the middle east.  So it’s a good business maneuver, because monkeys will follow with far less brainwashing.  The US is probably working on building terminator machines to slaughter these monsters, and they are training monkeys..

Now I don’t doubt you could teach the super basic principles of shooting to a monkey, but once you teach the monkey to shoot a gun… would you want to be any where near that???  Aim cant be good.. but I guess with their belief system if they die teaching a monkey to kill the infidel, they may still go upstairs to 79 virgins.. so its WIN WIN!

The specifics of the story explain that these soldier monkeys can now operate the Kalashnikov, Bren light machine gun, and have the ability to identify and attack U.S. soldiers based on the appearance of their uniforms.  This blows my mind..  Monkeys have pretty good aim when they shit in their hand and throw it at you during a trip to the zoo, but a fucking MACHINE GUN!?  Wow.

When you dig deep into the roots of this story, its being discredited by dozens of US military sources and other online analysts, but how the hell is it spreading through Chinese media so prominently then??  I say monkeys are evolving and after they kill off the bottom of the barrel humans such as the “middle east militants” they are coming after us.  Planet of the Apes style son, and there gonna put their stinking paws all over us cause theyre damn dirty apes.

Right now the FBI has a $10,000 reward out for him, which isn’t much for an outlaw.. John Dillinger had a 10,000 reward out on him from the FBI, but that was 70 years ago.  Unlike the old school outlaws of the wild west and depression era “public enemies” Harris-Moore is a non-violent outlaw. Shauna Snyder is a private investigator and paralegal in Washington State that has helped with Harris-Moores defense in the past, and firmly believes he will not be a violent offender.  She has explained that no previous crime or personality indications show that he will commit any violent crimes.

His life wasn’t exactly happy and peaceful and he just became a whiney pussy and rebelled.  Colton grew up on Camano Island in Washington where his Dad walked out when he was 2 years old, then a stepfather came in but died shortly after his 7^th birthday.  His mom has explained in interviews that the death of his stepdad left Colton disconnected and different.  He got nailed for his first crime, theft, when he was just 12.

Colton continued to rebel while growing up and his mom has also explained that cops harassed him constantly on Camano Island and blamed him for crimes he had nothing to do with. His mother was quite poor and Colt grew up in very low income situations. Harassment and mistreatment continued for many years in his hometown and finally in 2007 he was charged with 23 different felonies.  The prosecutor didn’t go after him due to having a weak case and he got a plea bargain for 3 years at the age of 16.  Part of it in Juvy, and part in a group home.  But in 2008 while at the group home he escaped, and has been on the loose since.  Its been over 2 years since he escaped and since then he has been suspected of burglaries and thefts all over the country.  Hitting Washington, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska and South Dakota, also getting out of country into Canada and now the Bahamas.

So hes a thief.. why is he called the Barefoot Bandit?  Apparently in most of his crimes hes committed them while Barefoot… thus the name.

This guys antics have been getting noticed every where, and hes even got website fan pages that have been made for him and a facebook fan page approaching 50,000 fans.  So why is a thief and outlaw getting so much attention and love?

Ive got to think it’s the underdog story… The kid with nothing, who lived a mediocre life got tired of it and now hes able to fly airplanes, sail on half million dollar yachts, and travel the world.  Even though its all illegal it appeals to anyone especially in such god awful economic times.  His name is out there and getting bigger, but the FBI seems to be getting close to his capture.  Yet while he is out there the little guy is beating the man, the lower class is spitting in the face of the upper class and who doesn’t like that?  Sure we cant have everyone out their stealing and doing anything they want, but while Colton is out there and defying authority Ill be rooting for him.

Yet, for the music industry its in the worst shape… I believe 80% of the US gets their music illegally, and for starting bands that’s devastating. So to help out some friends Im giving you a taste of what some of my talented pals are up to in the music industry.

First up would be a couple pals Ive known since high school including “Messy” Matt Anderson, and Tim Smith.  I actually met Messy from his skiz-ills with the drums which can actually fuck your face off.  Timmy I knew as a man of every musical instrument known to man, especially the skin flute.  HA!  Got ya Timmy. But In all honesty any project these guys have been involved in has been legit and they always pump out good music.

Their band Living on Titan, forms a melting pot of musical influences and styles. Incorporating progressive rock, fusion, alternative, and blues, while leaving space for hard-hitting vocal melodies.  They put the band together in 2009 including Marcus Pugh, David Serrano, and Mr. Derek, their singer, who provides intricate yet catchy vocal lines.

They plan to do some touring all along the west coast in late 2010, and then hit the east coast in early 2011.   Check out the tunes on purevolume.com/livingontitan, or even drop them a line at livingontitan@gmail.com

My next pal is Bobby Stanley, whos been a friend of mine since escaping the vagina.  He went down a different musical path than my own hitting up different R&B music and hip hop, but has been working with it for almost a decade.

He started making ladies cream their pants when he was 15… excuse me, started singing R&B when he was 15 and even won himself Top Act at an Apollo night in good ol Stockton CA.  Stockton isn’t exactly the Mecca for getting a music career started but the mans got the heart of a lion… a lion on steroids, with a boner.  To prove that, he got himself a record deal with TreZay Records, he got a spot as a featured artist on KSFM’s “Future Flava Show” and even performed a live show at the Hard Rock Café in Sacramento.

Yet even with these accolades he took a hit when TreZay Records went under, and left his album half finished.  So he did what any intelligent person of the 21^st century does.. he hit Youtube.  Hes been hard at work trying to get his stuff out and get discovered and make millions of dollars and have sexy orgies, but the first 2 years were slow.  Then recently the mans Youtube channel blew up with his subscribers going from 750 to 2100 in just 3 months.  The attention is building up and Bobbys looking to keep riding the wave, so help the brother out and go to his youtube channel. www.youtube.com/user/bobby10digital

One of his videos has gone over 125,000 views in less than 2 months, and I expect more music crazed females to jack that up even further.  Support this man!

Next theres Mr. Dusty Schaller who is currently living the rock life and doing shit up on tour in Europe.  The name of his band is Socadia and they have a dark electronic rock sound with steady, pulsing beats, and biting vocals that ooze with dirty lustyness.  Shit makes you wanna swallow a bottle of liquid Ecstacy, rave your balls off, and dry hump everyone around you.

When I said the guys were on tour in Europe, they did it as an independent band with no label, no manager, and no booking agent.  Dusty and the other band member Stephan Martin decided they wanted to hit Europe and play music for the masses overseas and just see what happens.  That my friends is hardcore and Ive got all the respect I can give for these guys. Its tough giving it a shot and just seeing what turns out… I know.

They started out with their first album in 2008, and in 2009 they were doing legit shows at The Knitting Factory, House of Blues, and The Roxy Theatre.  Their new album ‘trees for the forest’ was released February of this year and if you want to check it out then hit their facebook page here.

So drop some acid, drink some beer and take a trip with ol Dusty & Stephan.  Check out their website for more info and music too… socadia.com.

Since Socadia paid legit people to make this music video, im giving it some more exposure.  They deserve it..

My story of learning about Stefanie started when I saw a really hot chick had sent me a friend request on facebook. After this I couldn’t help but turn whacky stalker and started looking at every picture she had on facebook and ending with making love to a hair doll I made from her hair.  Graphic? Yes.  True? Probably.

So once her beauty had taken its toll on my mind, I finally saw what she was doing which was giving recognition to great fucking music, and musicians.  Even starting Stefanies Rock Show to interview legends about their involvement in music and Rock N Roll Shenanigans.  Like making mention of a moment in Todd Phillips documentary showing a chick peeing into GG Allins mouth… Its called Hated for all you sick “water sports” fans.  In essence revealing shes bad ass, and can handle whatever you can say.  My kind of woman.  Stefanie also went to UOP for her degree in Communications, which is in Stockton.  One of the most gangsta places in America, so she knows how to handle herself.  I know, I grew up there… So don’t get any ideas, or she will cut you.

Stefanies main focus now is on her show about the Hollywood music scene. Check it out at StefaniesRockShow.com, where shes interviewed musicians from Rich Williams, guitarist for Kansas, to Rudy Sarzo of Dio, Ozzy, Whitesnake, and Blue Oyster Cult.  This chick knows good music.  Shes listed some of her favorite music as coming from The Who, David Bowie, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, and Aerosmith or harder stuff like Slipknot, Rob Zombie, Deftones, and Marilyn Manson.  After leaving Stockton for L.A. she explained to me that she knew she had to stay a part of radio or journalism, and after using her networking skills shes been able to interview some of the biggest names in Rock.  (Im still waiting for Tenacious D interview)

So believe it or not, even after taking stalking to a whole new level of creepy she agreed to answer some interview questions from me.. One question being..

“So your totally hot… Any nude photo shoots? Any published material?”

HAHA! Thank you, and I hate to disappoint, but I have never done any nude photo shoots, only bathing suits…

To which I cried with palms to face for 15 minutes, before continuing further, asking…

“Being in the metal scene, S&M gets associated with it at times, so are you all about it? Not about it? Or dabbled in it?”

I haven’t participated in it, but I have attended a neat club called Bar Sinister in Hollywood. It has S & M going on all around you and people dressed very sexy…. I dig it.

So shes not down to throw me in the dog collar and walk me down sunset.  Sad.  Yet she is a driven woman that’s trying to work her way up to the red carpet for metal/rock shows or work with VH1 Classic as a VJ.  So struggling to make it in the media industry is where me and Stefanie connected and then we decided to get married, and got married in Vegas yesterday.

Sadly, that last sentence is a lie and Im ashamed I went there.

I did ask her more questions though… After seeing everything she was able to do with the mystical power of networking, I had to find out what heights she achieved.. to which she explained a past of back up dancing in music videos, appearing on MTV, BET, and Playboy Radio XM99.  As well as gaining respect from different successful artists like Rudy Sarzo (a fucking legend) and directors like Todd Phillips and Adam Mckay (personal favorites of my own as well).

Outside of interviewing awesome people, being hot and playing with her dogs motley Crue and Mickey Moo, miss Stefanie explained her love of dancing.  Now, as a beast of a man, Im not known for my graceful movements but if I got to dance with Stefanie I would learn to dance.. and good too.  Although not professionally in tap, jazz and modern like Stef.  Well maybe jazz, but not all three.  Ive got the meanest pair of jazz hands you’ve ever seen.  She may have been in competitive dancing all her life, but Jazz hands is a magical talent you have to be born with.. and this guy.. was born with it.

Theres a lot of posers and fakes in Hollywood, just doing what they need to to get ahead and I always test those waters with anyone I might associate with for business or pleasure.  So I asked a lot of questions about Stefs passion and what she wants to do with her media goals to see if she was legit, and she explained…

I honestly just love what I do, and I’m excited to get up everyday, reach new bands, listen to 80s metal, sit down with idols, and show the world the music and artists they want to see.

Stef isn’t a millionaire for interviewing her Rock idols, but she keeps doing it because she loves it.  That’s pretty close to the definition of legit if Ive ever heard it.

Once reaching the end of the interview I had to close it out with the tough, hard hitting questions most people respect me for asking… the grinding, intellectual queries of the Brokaws, and Barbara Walters.  So I hit her with this one..

“Would you ever do porn?”

… No, never done porn. If I did, I would have a lot more cash! Hahaha. I have many friends in porn and I support their decision, it’s just not for me.

All in all, I got to converse with an awesome chick, but discovered no source of her naked, other than the real thing.  Although filled with that sadness, I still think Stefanie Heminger is a name you should remember because shes going to do big things.  Whether in music, journalism, or another form of media… she’ll be there.

If you make your way to the “Wizarding World of Harry Potter” amusement park, make sure you’ve done your ab crunches and jumping jacks, cause FATTY’S AINT RIDIN’!  That’s right, the genius’ behind this business endeavor built an amusement park in the fattest country in the world, just to have their “Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey” ride shoo away fattys.

Universal Studios new park was recently opened and upon arriving at this particular ride, the staff or “Wizard” douchebags are stationed in front of the ride with test-seats.  These test seats allow folks to see if theyre too fat to sit in the seat, then if theyre too fat to fit in the restraints.  If you are larger than they would like, then wizardboy is going to escort you to the “Hogwartz cafeteria” so you can have some cake, because YOUR NOT RIDING FATASS!

Really? REALLY?  Your going to make rides that cant accommodate fat kids?  In the fattest country in all the world?  How fucking stupid.  If you think im out of line, and maybe the park is trying to promote weight loss and physical activity.. think again.  Im sure every corner has a churro stand, every food shop has pizza, burgers, and soda. Hell, maybe even a Goblet of Fire snack, filled with spicy deep fried nachos.

When asked about the refusal to let fattys ride, Universal just explained that they don’t have specific weight limits for the rides.  They only require that a person fit into the test seats to ride and be at least 48 inches tall.  Oddly enough the park has other rides which have special cars reserved for others with “larger girth”.  HAHAHA.  Whats more embarrassing?  Sitting in a test seat in front of a line of people just to have someone escort you away for being fat?  Or standing in the “Special cars” line for fattys.  Dear god…

Do I think Americans need to lose weight?  Yes.  Yes I do.  We are too fat, and im right there with the fattys, but come on.. you didn’t build this park in 1960 when the average man weighed 166 pounds.  You built it now, when the average weight is 191.  Instead of making the ride accessible to all shapes and sizes, they are going to turn away customers.  Hell, do like the airlines do and make the fat ones pay for 2 seats!  At least give the little porkers an option.  Instead your turning away all the fat kids that are going to run home.. I mean, ride their motorized cart home, and talk a whole bunch of shit on Harry Potter Land in any online forum they can get to.

If this embarrassment gets some fat kids to lose weight, then bravo… I will applaude Universal for doing this.  Yet, I see more kids going home and swallowing mommys bottle of Xanax after dominating 4 polish dogs.

A little senator by the name of Fuckface Lieberman, oh wait, excuse me… Joe Lieberman, is trying to push a project that would place the internet under the control of the government.  The global backbone of social media, free speech blogs, ecommerce and other communications may possibly fall into the hands of the United States government.  The unrated, uncensored, uncontrolled medium that I love may be placed in the “Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset Act”.  At first the act will give the president a kill switch to the internet.

First off, what the hell gives congress the right to think the internet is the sole possession of the US!?  It’s a world entity with free information and uncontrolled content.  As opposed to TV, Film, and Print Publishing that is pretty much controlled by 6 companies.  Sorry to go so conspiracy theorist on you, but im not making this shit up… its readily available information to see that General Electric, Walt Disney, NewsCorp, Time Warner, Viacom, and CBS run pretty much everything in media.  Im not going to take up 10 pages naming all this shit, so ive included this for you to read if you want.

Media Ownership.

The Big 6 companies broken down by ownership and annual income

So, if you take the time to at least look over this, youll realize you cannot think of ANYTHING you watch or take in that is not on that list.  EXCEPT something on the internet…  But this bill wants to sneak its way into the world posing as something the president will need in a time of crisis, which is bullshit. The fact is that this is just a back door attempt to bring the Internet under the control of the Department of Homeland Security.  Yea, I know I sound like some douche bag touting ideas of world domination etc.  But unfortunately this is true, im not just a whackjob conspiracy theorist and this is fucking scary.  Our last bastion of real information, and free speech may be anally raped.

Don’t believe me? Well heres some more info on Liebermans proposition. Declan McCullagh explained:

“Lieberman’s proposal would form a powerful and extensive new Homeland Security bureaucracy around the NCCC, including “no less” than two deputy directors, and liaison officers to the Defense Department, Justice Department, Commerce Department, and the Director of National Intelligence. (How much the NCCC director’s duties would overlap with those of the existing assistant secretary for infrastructure protection is not clear.)

The NCCC also would be granted the power to monitor the “security status” of private sector websites, broadband providers and other internet components. Lieberman’s legislation requires the NCCC to provide “situational awareness of the security status” of the portions of the internet that are inside the United States — and also those portions in other countries that, if disrupted, could cause significant harm.”

So what needs to happen for the internet to be castrated and firmly controlled?  Well the main companies who control access to the internet need to sign on.  So what does Lieberman do?  He adds a clause in the proposal to give all these companies immunity from civil lawsuits.  Instead of making the companies responsible for not protecting root servers and public utilities theyre getting a get out of jail free card. If anyone is to be held accountable it is the very people that the Lieberman bill would give a free pass to.

The US does not own the internet, and it never has.  NO one entity should EVER have control of the internet. The internet was created and should ALWAYS be a borderless way to communicate and share any information available.  Whether the information is good or bad, the internet doesn’t care and shouldn’t care.  Regardless of what the shithead senator thinks, or entertainment companies think, or businesses think this new bill would destroy the last thing that is free.

“A Panic switch” for the internet is how this is being sold, but with the power of the NCCC and the regulations created the internet will become regulated.. sites will be blocked, taken down, censored.  We will lose the last uncompromised source of information…

Now, I see a vampire of today and want to shoot myself.  They don’t want to murder you and drink your blood any more… they just want to be the prettiest they can be while causing high school like drama.  Vampires arent scary any more.. it would be more appropriate to dress like a vampire in a gay bar than on Halloween.  Im more frightened by Lady Gaga, than I am by vampires now.

Twilight, and other vampire faggotry (yes that’s a word) have made me slam my palm to my face in disdain several hundred times the past few years.  Seeing a commercial for The Vampire Diaries is about as painful as passing a kidney stone.  What the hell is going on!?!  The O.C. slapped vampire fangs on its pretty people cast and repackaged it all over again.  I HATE YOU WORLD!!

Remember in the early 90’s when goth kids started to emerge in America?

When nerds/ugly people got really angry and really depressed…  they went goth.  They smeared on the pale makeup, massive amounts of face jewelry, and refused to conform to anything… except conforming to being goth of course.  They listened to anything that yelled into a microphone inaudibly, and disliked everything and everyone.  Over time they killed themselves, or they went on school shooting rampages etc.  Goth kids were then recognized as fucked up and nobody wanted to mess with them after those extremes. So Goth got established as psychotic, but the world started pussyfying men, and those same awkward nerds that were depressed weren’t as insane any more, so we got…

…“The Emo Kid”.

Emo, and the idea of pussyfying something psychotic has gotten so popular, that they castrated the badass vampire.  Never have I wanted a subculture of human beings to kill themselves more, but the group was basically created to avoid killing themselves and others.  They just cut themselves or cry.  Fucking pussies.

This new Emopire (not misspelled) we live in is sad for me to see.  Not only are people getting dumber, but they’re getting pussier too.  This vampire craze is just capitalizing on both of those aspects of people.  Recycling the writing and storylines that were retarded 5 years ago, and making those same pretty people in that writing, have fangs.

Vampires have become emo, boring, overplayed, and the weakest plot device out there.  Why is it so popular? What the fuck has made the vampire trend explode!?  Someone tell me..

Im assuming from what I can hypothesize, that its popular because the vampire guys have good manners, they’re pretty, and they do nothing but cater to their girlfriend.  When in real life heterosexual guys aren’t like that.  You can find a guy with 2 of the 3, but not all three.  He’ll be pretty, and have good manners, but he’s not thinking about his girlfriend all the fucking time!  SORRY.  Or maybe he’ll have good manners and care about the girl and cater to her, but he wont be pretty!  So with this fictional male being a centerpoint in the new pussified vampire saga’s Im assuming this is why so many females, and emo’s are showing up in mobs to see Twilight.

Someone please kill off this trend, for the love of god.  And take the emo’s with you too.  To find an “Emo”, look for skinny jeans, tighter than any chicks you’ve ever seen… with a lack of penis bulge.  Along with tight t-shirts which often have the name of a shitty emo band, or studded belts and black wristbands.  These persons should be slapped in the face and given a tshirt that reads “I wish my lawn was Emo, so it would cut itself”.  Ending the emo’s ends the pussy vampires, and thus restoring them back to monster like creatures of the night and not sparkly fruitcakes.

This article is something Ive researched for awhile now following news that the Stockton Fire Department in California would be attempting to lay off firefighters and police officers after multiple voluntary cutbacks previous to this.  You can read the article here.

In my research I looked for errors that led the city of Stockton, the state of California, and the United States into debt.  There was more information than one man can break down… Which is the first and saddest point Ill make.  When looking for the root of a problem you work up through the hierarchy of decision makers and in this instance I ran into the politicians.  You want to blame someone?  Blame the politicians.  Not firefighters, not police officers, not teachers, not doctors, and not low level public employees.

For instance, in March of this year the Sacramento Bee reported on 22,000 CA teachers being WIPED OUT, due to budget cuts.  Know what else was in that same issue of the Sacramento Bee?  Incoming Speaker of the Assembly, John Perez had just given raises to his entire staff which included his chief of staff, Sara Ramirez, who received a $65,000 A YEAR raise.  Making her BS job bring in an income of $190,000 as “chief of staff.” Think its justified by some psychotic reason?  The governor of CA makes less than that.  THE GOVERNOR of the entire state of CA, not a chief of staff for one politician.

Last year the city of Los Angeles spent 1 million dollars on a parade for the Lakers.  A PARADE for a basketball team in the middle of a recession, oh but the Lakers paid another million to “split the bill” so its ok.  The Lakers just clinched another championship, and my heroes, firefighters, are about to be laid off in massive fashion.  Yet people are demanding firefighters be laid off.  Fuck you, you ignorant sacks of trash.  Read one piece of information on our city and states debt and learn where that money is going.

In November of last year news broke that a proposed water bond was put through and that bond included a $10 million dollar nonprofit tolerance center in Sacramento.  The main supporter of this was Senate President Pro Tem Darrell Steinberg. Following its passage this politician was caught withdrawing the special funding from the bond package.

The fact is the political world and lobbyists need budget cuts, and reform.  NOT hardworking public employees.  Your tax dollars pay them TOO dumbass, stop going after people who risk their life every shift at their job.

I could give hundreds of examples on pathetic mistakes and wasted money by government.  I could also give thousands of examples on pathetic mistakes and wasted money by corporations.  There are idiots from the republican party and the democratic party, and this article isn’t meant to attack either party.  Im trying to get political change.  Issues shouldn’t have universal answers, “oh, im republican taxes are bad!”  So, what if the tax is a tax to stop a meteorite from crashing into the earth and killing everyone?  Oh, woopsy your universal approach doesn’t work so great huh champ?  But more realistically, lets say it’s a tax for getting more firefighting protection?  You could really sit there, and look anyone in the face and say you wouldn’t support firefighters?  If you could, then the fact is your either a moron, or a cold and soulless waste of humanity.  Yet to be fair; taxes, or government spending, or law propositions are normally garbled language that no one understands or wants to read put forward by politicians.  Does it help firefighters? Or does it allow banks to take legally take your child as collateral? WHO KNOWS! The political system needs reform.

Every loud mouth moron or self labeled “conservative” or republican argues against government simply for the fact it has something to do with government.  A firefighter happens to be paid by the government, so these same jackasses attack firefighters and firefighter unions.  You are uninformed, brainless drones and simply repeat what your Fox News and conservative talk radio shows tell you.  Approaching every single issue with one mind set as a democrat or republican does NOTHING.

Every issue, and every problem needs to be approached uniquely and with a new outlook on the problem.  Yet the political system rewards politicians who pay $150 million dollars to win a bid for a political position, or reward the politician who is out giving “face time” at a baby kissing carnival instead of handling their job.

Providing results, and helping the people takes a backseat to getting a “good image”.  Its disgusting, and we all pay for it and that’s why people need to get smarter and wise up.  Read a newspaper for god sakes, get some facts, stop getting your opinions and ideas from idiots like Rush Limbaugh, or Bill O Reilly or Glenn Beck… Their job isn’t to provide news, they have OPINION shows, their job is to get ratings and getting ratings involves sensationalizing everything and building passion by making you hate your opposing political party.  You want to use your passion to help something? Read a fucking book, read legitimate news, and stop blasting your moronic dribble in my face.

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

Watch an episode of ‘Mad Men’ on TV and you will be taken back to an easier, much more simpler time. A time when only men worked, and you could drink at 10:00 A.M., without being considered an alcoholic. A time when cigarettes were cancer free, women were sluts, and hippies did not exist.

But times have changed my friend, cigarettes do contain cancer now, women want you to buy them shiny stuff before you plow them, and drinking apparently causes ‘health problems.’ But, perhaps worst of all, hippies exist, and they have ideas.

Thanks to hippies, we find ourselves with a whole bunch of serious issues we are unprepared to deal with. And worst of all, they want to hold us ‘accountable’ for our actions, when we could just as easily pass these issues onto our children and let them deal with it. These issues, such as ‘global warming’, and ‘running out of energy’ apparently are big deals…to hippies, but I say they weren’t problems until these tree-huggers made them problems. So I guess the only solution is to eradicate the world of hippies, and then we can go back to drinking and smoking without consequence.

And what really are the consequences of these “problems?” Take global warming for example. I guess the deal is that apparently we are polluting, which is destroying this invisible ‘o-zone’ layer, a filter for the sun’s heat, and causing the earth to become hotter. And this is a problem? Because personally, I wouldn’t mind getting my tan on 24/7, 365.

The hippies would argue that although more sun would be awesome, because they could grow their pot 24/7, the actual problem is that more heat apparently melts the polar ice caps. This, in turn, would cause the ocean levels to rise and possibly destroy coastal states like Florida. Again, this is a problem? I am pretty sure the world would be better off without shuffleboard and alligators. Besides, I am pretty sure Mickey Mouse is a pedophile.

But still the hippies attack our way of life, insisting we reduce our ‘carbon footprint’ by reducing our use of resources and wasteful materials. Like that is going to go over well, especially in America. I mean, maybe that bullshit flies in France, but America needs those resources to do stuff other than drinking wine and painting shit. I say we shove our Carbon feet up these hippies asses, and commence to blowing shit up and partying!

Besides, I think this is all a ploy to get the government to legalize pot. I mean, once the hippies found out that no one gives a shit about hemp necklaces, and that people prefer the taste of a nice, juicy “mutant” apple loaded in pesticides and chemicals, rather than their overpriced, undersized, “organic” bullshit’, they are left with no choice but to resort to selling pot. And it would be much easier to farm and sell it if ‘Mary Jane’ was a legal citizen, but that had not been going so well in the courts. So what did they do? Made up all this bullshit and annoyed the fuck out of everyone with protesting, and ‘data’, and ‘research’, until we all just want to bulldoze the trees they’re tied to. Or give them their pot in exchange for their silence…Well played, hippies.

So I say, give them their weed and let us go back to smoking, drinking, and a having a clean earth with no apparent consequences in sight.

Yet this may be the case!  Massive homo Perez Hilton is now under some legit scrutiny for posting a picture of Miley Cyrus’ nooner on his twitter feed.  Ol Miley was getting out of a car in a skirt with no underwear and OOPS, theres underage vag.

Now posting upskirt pictures is nothing new for scum like Perez Hilton, because celebrity sites do it daily, or even hourly.. But this time theres some problems at hand.  Miley happens to be 17 years old, thus making a bearded clam picture ILLEGAL.  Not just “kind of illegal”, or “celebrity DUI hit and run illegal” but “child pornography illegal.”  Which has easily garnered 25 year sentences, or even life sentences for multiple offenders.  (Please, for the love of god let this be the case)

So this whole child porno thingy happened on Monday, when Perez posted the picture on his Twitter account stating “If you are easily offended, do NOT click here … Oh, Miley! Warning: truly not for the easily offended!”.  Man, if only all child pornography distributors were so careful.  You know, like, by posting child porn on a twitter account with thousands of followers.

So Dumbshit Hilton (Refering to Perez, not Paris) eventually removed the post, but not before hundreds and possibly thousands of pervs got screenshots of it, thus constituting “Distribution of Child Porn”.   This dumbass is going to have some massive legal issues for awhile whether or not he goes to heaven… I mean jail.  (See I called it ‘heaven’ cause dudes will rape him in the butt, thus being an enjoyable experience for the self proclaimed “Queen of Media”)

Some online writers and bloggers are saying the photo was a fake, and the nooner was superimposed.  Im hoping not because this would give reasonable doubt to the Perez Hilton defense.  This brainless fruitball needs to be stopped, and prison is just the ticket unless they give him internet access in the slammer.

If there is a god, an attorney will go after Hilton on the state AND federal level either completely bankrupting him and ending his reign of terror, or sending him to jail for 15 years with lifetime registration as a sex offender.

Sorry fella’s I don’t have the balls to post the picture.  Because unlike Perez I would not find prison like heaven, I would cry nightly and superglue my asshole shut.

So Ive been trying to find a name for this podcast and heres the choices narrowed down on the facebook fan page… (by the way, join the facebook fan page if you haven’t already.. whore.. Facebook Fan Page)

You, the fans, are going to decide what I call my new podcast.  Right here, with this vote…

[poll id="3"]

Back in the fall of 2008 our cities, counties, states and country were right in the heart of the greatest economic downturn since the great depression.  When something like this comes along sacrifices, tough decisions and hard times are unavoidable. This was perfectly apparent to the Stockton Fire department who stepped up in December of 2008 VOLUNTEERING to make concessions to help with the difficult times ahead.  They did this to help the city of Stockton, and to help avoid losing any firefighters or firehouses.

How do you repay something like this?  I would assume with great appreciation and protection for the Stockton Fire Department.  You my friend, would be wrong, just like me…

Right now as I write this article the City of Stockton (encompassing the Mayor, City manager, City Council) is trying to cut firefighter staffing at firehouses by over 23%.  If they were to get away with this negligent trash, it would put staffing for the fire department below staffing levels they maintained in 1980.  In 1980 Stockton’s population was 148,000.  Today Stockton’s population is 290,000.  Simple fundamental firefighting techniques involve systems like 2-in, 2-out.  Two firefighters fighting the blaze outside, and 2 fighting it inside allowing for back up, assistance, and protection.  These cuts would compromise basic firefighting fundamentals and protections.

After volunteering concessions in the fall of 2008, before any requests for financial assistance were made by the city of Stockton, the city came back to the firefighters and said “Ok, well we need you to give concessions now.”  To which the firefighters union basically realized, the city hadn’t FORCED concessions yet, so the volunteer sacrifices meant nothing.  Those first concessions weren’t forced, so when making the rounds to fix the huge debt that the morons in the government screwed up in the first place… they pounced on the fire department again.

The fire department recognized their generous mistake and in turn had the new and SECOND concessions placed into a contract guaranteeing that the city would not lay off firefighters or close firehouses.  Laying off firefighters or closing firehouses would make the job exponentially more perilous and less secure for citizens.

Different politicians, journalists and general idiots who have no idea what they are taking about have been blabbering about an 8.5% pay increase.  Well guess what?  That 8.5% pay increase is a raise that the Fire Department has deferred for the past 3 years. They did that to help the city of Stockton.  For 3 years, up until May of 2010 the Stockton Fire Department had put up $13 million in concessions.  All the while, other groups including city administrative managers, and police officers had pay increases during this same time.

Moronic journalists, ungrateful citizens, and politicians have manipulated thousands of people into thinking the fire department is over paid, or over staffed. To that, I say fuck you.  That’s right, plain and simple… you are idiotic scum. Keep talking while you go on doing a job that doesn’t require you to risk your life EVERY SINGLE work day.  Firefighters risk their lives every time they go to work, and its not when it’s a family member on the line, or a close personal friend, or the President of the United States. It could be a homeless person that everyone else could care less about, a single mother of 4, a politician that voted against every proposition for firefighters.  It doesn’t matter.  These firefighters do a job that protects everyone despite any attributes they may have.

So you want to lay them off? Shut down more firehouses?  To anyone who feels that way, I despise you.  I hate your guts. Some dipshit journalist, or idiotic citizen hears “raise” and you might as well have threatened their life.  They spew their hate and moronic ramblings like a virus to everyone around them.  You want to decrease the number of noble, brave, honest working people that risk their lives every work day to protect you and your property?

Despite the personal characteristics of a firefighter, how does someone justify laying off even one firefighter? Justify it to me.  PLEASE.

The city wants to cut retirement benefits, along with layoffs… Does anyone know, on average, how long these men and women live after retirement? Do you??  Do you know most firefighters are forced into retirement because of a permanent disability coming from the job?  And the city wants to cut retirement?  It disgusts me on so many levels I cant even describe it in text.

More than risking life and limb at work every day, Stockton Firefighters beat out thousands of applicants every hiring period to receive some of the best training in the world.  They are the best at what they do, and they risk not coming home to their spouse and children every time they go on a call. The Stockton Fire Department was made a class 1 fire department in 1971 and has remained there.  To give you an idea, a class 1 fire department is a recognition bestowed on less than 1% of fire departments in the country.  Class 1 fire departments show the highest in protection of life and property.  Along with these impressive accolades, the Stockton fire departments receives more emergency calls than most other cities in all of California.  The department is already over worked, and stretched thin.

So even after realizing what Ive told you, you might still be willing to say this is the worst economic collapse in your lifetime and maybe the fire department needs to concede even more than they already have.  I honestly cant be as passionate in my argument towards that, and neither can the Stockton Fire Department.  Yet the tactics used by the Cities officials are despicable.  After a contract was made official between the firefighters and the city through 2012 the city resorted to voting in a “financial emergency” which opens the contract agreed upon.  So a signed and official contract was broken by the city government with a simple city council vote. May I remind you, this contract was made after concessions to protect their brethren.  So for a 3^rd time the Stockton Fire Department has offered a 5.7 million dollar concession which is the largest concession of any employee group in the city.  To give you scope of this, you need to realize the fire department is barely half the size of the police department.  Also, this 5.7 million concession that has been offered brings the fire departments total concessions to over 18 million, which is almost 6 times the total amount the police department has conceded in the same time.

When you cut right to the chase of the problems, the city of Stockton has created this money problem themselves with wasteful spending.  Remember that 8.5% deferred raise 3 years ago?  You know that new baseball park built off Holman road?  Guess what funded it.  Know what else? Stockton has 32.9 million dollars that was located by an independent audit group that the police, fire, and city hall agreed upon to locate monies.  Hary Rose & Associates located this money, and since then the city has declined to comment on the money. This audit is available for you to read. Feel free to take a look.

http://www.stocktonfirefacts.com/phase1.pdf

The Stockton Fire Department is not the reason for the cities budget problems, and should not be held directly responsible.  Do you see any other public sector jobs offering up concessions voluntarily!? NO.  There are other options that are being ignored and good people are going to lose their jobs they fought hard to gain.

If you feel as strongly as I do please feel free to contact the Mayor & City Council directly. Their phone numbers and e-mail addresses can be found here: http://www.stocktongov.com/citycouncil/index.cfm

If your not willing to help the bravest of public servants when they need you, how guilty will you feel when they pull you out of a car wreck, or a burning building?  If your too lazy or too ignorant to help then do the tiniest thing, and shut your mouth about laying off firefighters. Hearing people compare the wages or concessions of those in the restaurant, hospitality, retail, and other “private sector” industries to those in a firefighter position make me sick. The economy is in rough shape, and everyone is suffering through it.  I agree everyone is making sacrifices and the Stockton Fire Department has made theres.

So you probably don’t recognize the name but Miss Sterger is currently a sports analyst for The Daily Line.  The Daily Line is ESPN’s direct competition for Sportscenter.  It just started so don’t feel like your out of the loop… Before this she was an online columnist for Sports Illustrated, and knows her shit when it comes to the sports.

On top on knowing her sports better than some of the guys, she also has an awesome claim to fame.  During a Florida State vs. Miami College Football game in 2005 she came on the screen directly from commercial and after viewing her for 5 to 10 seconds, Brent Musberger commented “1,500 red-blooded Americans just decided to apply to Florida State.”  Hahaha,  Musberger is the man.  This started her career… How epic is that? She was so hot, and Musberger slams a good one liner and there ya go, heres a career…

Basically Sterger was one of the FSU Cowgirls, which means she wore very little clothes and a cowboy hat to cheer for Florida state.  Which is AWESOME.  Since then shes been doing the sports analysis like I said, and has appeared in Playboy, and Maxim.  Hit the google search fella’s, you wont be disappointed.  If she was here right now, I would marry her. I love you Jenn, let us make babies.

Bang- Kellie Pickler

This ex American idol who finished.. not first.. could possibly be one of the dumber celebrities ever.  She actually bombed out on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” which seems like a cliché’ joke at this point… but she actually bombed.  She might be about as sharp as a marble, but the girl is just so damn hot.  And shes a sweet Carolina girl, who doesn’t want to tap some southern Belle?

She might have to wear a helmet out on a date, but at least shes got the fashion sense to make it work, and if you get her home.. bashing her head against the head board wont be a problem.  BAM!

She also came from humble beginnings when daddy went to jail and the grandparents raised her… then worked at a Sonic drive in before hitting it big on American idol, so shes probably pretty damn sweet.  I would 100% for sure hit it.

Destroy- Katherine Heigl..

Lots of the ol blogosphere has reemed this dumbass for years, and im joining the party.  God dammit I hate this chick so much it oozes out of my pores.  Shes been in such amazing critically acclaimed works as Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, and Bride of Chucky or her several made for TV movies.. Or Zyzzyx Road which has actually been cited as one of the lowest grossing films of all time.

I hope the sarcasm comes through in text…

Shes been doing shithole movies since the mid 90’s and never amounted to anything.  Then her amazing role in “The Ringer” with Johnny Knoxville turned that ALL AROUND!  Oh, wait… I meant Greys anatomy. Sorry.

So she lands the Greys anatomy role and rides the wave of success in one of the most financially and critically successful Tv shows in the last generation.  So luck shined on her and she came out of obscurity and doing the worst films ever… Only to say how stupid everyone else is and how horrible people with the show are.  WHAT THE FUCK!? YOU STUPID UNGRATEFUL BITCH!!  You just came from Under Siege 2: Dark Territory to one of the most successful TV shows in years!! You deserve to be destroyed!!!

Stories of her psychotic diva/feminist/idiotic needs have hit the internet for years, and it just makes me hate her more every time.  Like forcing pregnant assistants to run for diet cokes, and ignoring co-stars sometimes days at a time without saying hello.  Not exactly crazily outside Hollywood, but dammit.. what a bitch.

Even when getting interviewed in magazines or for late night TV she just cant help but be a dumb bitch.  Even calling her meal ticket, claim to fame movie Knocked Up sexist and blabbered on about how the film painted women as “humorless and uptight”, or “shrews” and asked “Why would you portray women like that?”.  ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!  You get the lead role in one of the most successful comedies ever, even ahead of the damn directors WIFE, and you are complaining!?!? I HATE YOU!  You get hand fed fame and opportunity just to slap that person right in the face, even when you’ve been through the shittiest parts of Hollywood and god awful movies and have NO APPRECIATION!?

This stupid bitchface gets handed success and just doesn’t know when to shut up and show some appreciation for getting her stardom on a lucky break.  You can be opinionated and have your own views, feel free.. but continually biting the hand that feeds you is pathetic and shows the lack of class and humility Katherine Heigl is missing.  Fuck you Katherine Heigl, may you continue making cookie cutter romantic comedies until you’ve alienated everyone whos willing to let you talk to a camera.

So to support my buddy, Im having Wes Watch 2010 today and until Wednesday where I will update you on the mans progress to win a million.

05/31/10

1:45 P.m. Second level. third beer. still alive. average stack. live poker is so boring though.

4:40 P.M Moved tables already. Won decent pot

7:25 P.M. Dinner Break. Still Short, but hanging in

11:00 P.M. Bad news outtro. 410ithish out of 2kish. two hundred make money.

Television, to some it is the greatest invention since the internet. For others, it is the greatest invention since internet porn. To me, television is much like my old girlfriend, because it is a liar and a whore. Ok, I admit, I am not too sure how television can be a whore, but fuck you Cindy! Umm, digression aside, we have to admit that television is a liar and a little whorish because the only thing stations care about are ratings, and consequently advertising dollars. And in doing this, television has become so warped that when you turn the channel to a station you assumed was for music, you have about a 70% chance of watching a documentary about an underage pregnant girl. And it’s sad, because television is pretty much like a 15 year morning-after pill for deadbeat parents, and to know their kids will end up watching midgets making chocolate, or midgets banging strippers, does not leave much hope for the future.

My case in point lies with a station deemed The Learning Channel. But, anyone who watches this station for more than five minutes will realize that to call it The Learning Channel would be as inappropriate as having McDonald’s sponsor the Olympics. Oh wait, that bullshit actually happens already. Well, I guess if an obesity factory can sponsor the pinnacle of athletic events, then The Learning Channel may be a good fit for a station that will only make you dumber. Because with shows such as 19 Kids And Counting, The Cake Boss, LA Ink, and the soon to be hit show, Mall Cops, one can see that whoever invented The Learning Channel, or TLC, is obviously not out to teach you anything. Well, unless you happen to be one of those people who watch Cops to catch up with family doings, then I suppose I didn’t know I was pregnant could help explain why your wife ordered two extra Big Macs for breakfast. Otherwise, unless you are learning how to prepare for life in the trailer park, this station will not teach you shit.

It is just sad that the dumber television gets, the dumber we become, and the dumber we become, the dumber television gets. I mean, when MTV started focusing their broadcasts on capturing the lives of spoiled teenagers who overuse credit cards, instead of spoiled teenagers who played the guitar, the majority of older MTV fans were reduced to switching to the enemy, VH1.  The problem with this was that the revolution was unfortunately being televised. Apparently, kids loved watching pregnant teens and Guido’s from Jersey so much that VH1 quit showing music videos as well, and focused on exploiting the lives of has-been celebrities with drug and weight problems. No offense to Biz Markie and his remarkable transformation on Celebrity Fit Club, but I have no explanation as to why I now have to watch a 300 lb. one-hit-wonder do a push-up on a station I used to masturbate to Janet Jackson videos on. VH1 and MTV are sad reminders that stations like The Discovery Channel only have a few months left before it’s Deadliest Catch with Danny Bonaduce.

And who really loses in all this? I mean, besides the viewers, who are manipulated and brainwashed into thinking that running to Burger King, picking up some air freshener for your home, and talking to your doctor about Cialis all before Jerry Springer comes on at noon, is a pretty eventful Thursday. So, besides the retarded versions of our former selves, everyone shown on television loses. They become such fame whores that they do not realize they have turned themselves into walking stereotypes. Case in point, midgets. They are the laughing stock of any television station looking to make a quick dollar, and it is sad, because it is working. I think if you showed me a midget walking down the street today I would assume he is going to wrestle a monkey, or challenge an elephant to an airplane pulling contest with 99 of his best midget friends.  Perhaps, he is going to pick up his transsexual girlfriend, or chase me around in an elf suit, anything but some kind of normal activity. And they are just a small (had to do one) example of how television executives perpetuate stereotypes for a quick buck and a laugh, at the expense of everyone except themselves.

If anyone has ever seen Idiocracy you can empathize with the feeling I, and most of you who watched it, got when you realized that in a hundred years TV is going to become exactly what that movie predicted, four split-screens of boozing and punches to the nuts. Which, do not get met wrong, is extremely hilarious. But, these are activities that are better experienced and taught by Johnny Bully on the playground, than Johnny Knoxville on television. I mean, if our culture has become so stupid that a company like TLC thinks creating a show centered around 35 year old losers with tazers called Mall Cops is a financially viable idea, then maybe it’s time we learn to turn the television off for a little. Or at the very least, the fucking Learning Channel.

Now Im going to control myself from dropping about 500 F bombs here because I got my first warning from my advertisers on “excessive vulgarity” in posts recently.

Apparently Muslim leaders are trying to build a 13 story mosque in the middle of downtown New York, in a building location that has been closed since 9/11 because a plane fuselage smashed into the building forcing owners to vacate.

ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?  HOW IS THIS HAPPENING!?!

First off for any fan of thishotfire.com you would realize I am a huge supporter of freedom of speech, freedom of religion and allowing people to conduct activities that don’t harm anyone directly.  Like choking yourself and jerking off…

This is an exception to my rule.

The financial district committee of New York Community Board 1, representing local residents, gave the proposed Islamic centre a vote of confidence on May 5. Basically giving permission to build a mosque at 45 Park Place in downtown New York.  How could the community board allow a gigantic mosque to be built there? It would literally be in the shadow of where the World Trade Center stood before an Islamic jihad attack stole thousands of lives and changed our country forever.  They are allowing a gigantic gathering place to be built for people who worship the ideologies that brought about the attack on the US.  I almost want to stop the article there because Im that speechless. Yet, I need to add that on May 1^st, 4 days before this was approved there was “The Times Square incident.  For anyone who has been under a rock the past month, this incident involved an SUV that was parked in Time Square where the cops are saying there were 3 propane tanks, black powder and a timing device inside. Faisal Shahzad, a naturalized U.S. citizen, who recently spent five months in Pakistan, was arrested on terrorism and weapons of mass destruction charges for trying to blow up the bomb. The Pakistani Taliban has claimed responsibility for the bomb plot…

As a little history lesson to folks out there, Islam has a long and bloody past of building their mosques over the holy places of other religions as a symbol of the Muslim religions dominance over another.  Would you like an example? Okie Dokie… Ayasofya Mosque was built in the former Hagia Sophia basilica in Istanbul… Al-Aqsa Mosque was built on the top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem… Umayyad Mosque was built in Damascus right on top of where the Church of St. John the Baptist once stood.  Ill stop there, I think you get the picture.

I need to clarify something real quick here… I am not prejudiced against Muslims.  I am prejudiced against terrorists that kill thousands of my fellow Americans, who happen to be Muslim.  I want to know why the fuck a gigantic Muslim Mosque is being built at 45 Park place in downtown Manhattan.  If the Japanese wanted to open an embassy or Japanese cultural center next to Pearl Harbor, you think that might be a little insensitive?  How about a German appreciation building on top of where Auschwitz was?  That would be LUDICROUS!  The construction of this site is bullshit… it’s a slap in the face to every person in America who had a friend or family member die in the attacks, as a matter of fact it’s a slap in the face to every American.  I think Muslims can build mosques all they want to, but building it in the backyard of where your religions extremists committed the biggest mass murder of Americans in history is fucking disgusting.

If Muslims want to build something at that location how about a center devoted to removing all Islamic teachings of the “jihad” or the other Koran texts that specifically mention hate, and incitement to violence.  Which it does prescribe! Im not just ignorantly spouting out nonsense.  Feel free to get “The Koran for Dummies”.

Currently the “Cordoba House” still has fundraising obstacles to get through in order to be built, and even if the funds are raised it wouldn’t be completed until 2014 or later.  Apparently it needs $100 million dollars to complete the mosque.  Yet this doesn’t necessarily matter to me, the fact that the American government, in any form, allowed this insensitive shit to happen.

The name of the spiritual leader behind the build is named Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, and he has stated he hopes to get donations in America and abroad.  I know our country allows freedom of religion and freedom of assembly which is the right of the people to peaceably assemble.  So their hands are somewhat tied.. BUT, just like any asshole cop that Ive had to deal with… If they really want to get you, they can find that loophole or different law to accomplish their goal of… punishing you.

It seems destined to happen at this point, and I expect my government to do its job and check every single aspect of this construction and people involved.  I want to know everything about Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, and if he has any ties to Muslim fundamentalists.  I want to know that this 13 story building isn’t going to be used as a Trojan horse to fill with weapons of mass destruction and destroy New York City.  Call me a paranoid delusional, call me racist, I DON’T CARE.  We need to learn from history, and unfortunately the largest attack on the United States was conducted by fundamentalist Muslims.  Certain measures should be taken.

I would REALLY like to get opinions, either for or against everything Ive said..  If your Muslim, even better, Id like to get some different points of view.

Vanessa Ashley Rousso, is world renowned as a professional poker player and one of the best woman players in the world.  On top of being legit at poker, shes also really damn hot… not the average fat old guy poker player.  Am I intimidated by a chick who could battle me at poker?  Nope, because we could be married… We could wager sexual favors.. and then upon losing, I would really be winning.

In poker she has reportedly made 2.5 million dollars in earnings as of 2010, so that makes her one of the best lady poker players EVER.  Not to mention one hell of a sugar mama… “Excuse me baby, may I take the Lamborghini for a drive?”

On top of an awesome career decision and sexy hotness, shes also pretty damn smart.  When she graduated from high school she was the valedictorian, and also got her degree from Duke.  Shes a respectable, sexy, smart and bad ass lady that I would propose marriage to, right now.

Bang-Kendra Wilkinson

At first glance, you might wet yourself… a blonde playboy girl with huge knockers and a damn good body.  Then upon hearing a few words come out of her mouth, your willy doesn’t really un-erect itself, but you do get sad.

Most people know her as one of Hugh Hefners three girlfriends from The Girls Next Door.  Most people even thought of her as “the dumb one” when referring to 3 blonde playboy girls.. that’s saying a lot.  Shes another bimbo that has taken reality TV by storm, and after leaving Hefs house she premiered her own reality show… Kendra premiered on June 7, 2009, with 2.6 million viewers.  This was the highest amount of viewers for E! since The Anna Nicole show in 2002.  Yet again emphasizing why so many terrorists want America to die.

On top of all her exposure for being dumb and attractive, a nice little bit of info came out this month.  Ol whorey whoretastic Kendra has some sex tapes!  WOO HOO! The current big sex tape out is with an unidentified guy, and Vivid Entertainment has already acquired and set up distribution for it.  Ol Kendra is “contesting” its release, “attempting” to not look like a whore.  Ill back that up by telling you that its been reported that in 2008 she set up a company called “Home Run Productions LLC” specifically aimed at attempting to sell sex tapes.

Soooo, yea.  NO way in hell am I going to marry this chick, but Im not too good to have crazy wild sexual escapades with her.

Destroy- Amy Winehouse

At this point destroying her is like putting a bullet in a dog that’s been run over, then backed up and run over again.  Just to give you a taste, in August 2007, Winehouse cancelled a number of shows, citing exhaustion and ill health. She was hospitalized during this time for what was reported as an overdose of heroin, ecstasy, cocaine, ketamine and alcohol. NOW that’s a party, but wheres the Acid? And WD40 sniffing?  Missing only a bit of fun.  Not too long after there was a video posted showing a woman, alleged to be Winehouse, smoking crack and talking about slamming some ecstasy and valium.  Shes like an encyclopedia of drugs…

Shes gotten so much attention for being a trainwreck some people don’t even know why shes famous.  Which doesn’t bring much question, because most people showing up in tabloids, and reality TV are famous… for being famous.  But to crush that, Winehouse is famous for being a musician with an unusual mix of music styles which has won her albums 5 Grammys.

Blake Fielder-Civil is probably the match that set the gasoline covered woodpile on fire.  Hes the on-off boyfriend, turned on-off again husband. The douchebag even admitted to introducing her to crack and heroin… Yet she hopped right into it with little fight.  Millions of dollars, ridiculous success and critically acclaimed work and shes been blowing it all on some fucktard that she gets into fist fights with.  Apparently they also do drugs, then cut themselves together to get through the withdrawals.

I understand sex, drugs, and rock and roll… but to take it to these lengths is just retarded.  For god sakes, go to rehab for a year, or just give up ya psycho.

At the risk of ostracizing myself from single urbanite women, Ive decided to show my extreme dislike for this movie/series and ask if suicide protest could stop the horrifyingly bad Sex and the City from continuing.  Much like Oprah, or Cosmopolitan magazine, or the feminist movement… this series has dug its claw into clueless women and altered our reality.  Hearing some dumbass chick at a restaurant blabber about how “Samantha” that comment just was, makes me want to throw my plate of steak and pale ale at her face.

A show that promotes women being drunk whores, that spend all income on shopping is a fantasy, BUT that stupid fantasy has slowly become reality.  Over Sex and the Citys lifetime chicks have gone the way of these dumbass women.  Sorry but Sex and the City doesn’t rationalize going out and maxing out a credit card on clothes and drinks then waking up in a different dudes bed every weekend.

The worst part is any time a guy stands up against this estrogen behemoth, we’re labeled as homophobic, or not sensitive enough.  Fuck you.  Just because you think you’re a feminist for watching Sex and the City, your not.  Your just another moron that bought into a hype fest that has more product placement than Iron Man.

So any woman reading this who is a fan probably hates my guts right now, and is asking… “Have you even seen the show!?” Simple Answer.  No. I’d love to definitively tell you in loathing detail why I hate Sex And The City, but this would require actually watching it.  And in all honesty Id rather stab my eyes out with forks and walk around a lions cage with a Tbone strapped to my dick.

Although I haven’t watched the show I have had moments while in a relationship where I tried my best to bare it.  Or changed the channel to a sex scene with boobs and stuck around just to find out it was Sex and the City and then induced vomiting.  From what I was tortured into seeing, I recalled flashes (much like a nightmare) that its about middle aged women, who talk… A lot.  Then have sex with multiple unacceptable partners.  Then talk tediously, and in great length about their multiple unacceptable partners.  Every time I was exposed to this, it usually ended the same… with me crying cuddled up in a corner, or dropping to my knees screaming “NOOOOOO” at the ceiling.

Perhaps it would be slightly less suicide worthy if the women were at least attractive.  Now, before you rip me in the comments… what chicks out there haven’t been forced into watching a football game or action movie feeling the exact same way!?  I mean Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a fucking horse.  Kim Cattrall is old enough to be my grandma, and red head lady looks like something from a colorful nightmare.  Black haired lady is do-able, but who wants to watch just “do-able”.  (I purposefully did not look up the other actresses names in protest)

So again, before you rip me, realize your no better… you respond just like us.  You say something stupid, and unhelpful like “Oh my god this is stupid, why don’t they just tackle each other faster”  our equivalent being “Why cant these chicks be attractive and have more sex scenes”.

Not only do I question protesting this movie but I’m flat out annoyed and disgusted.  Just as disgusted as you women would be if their was a show about unattractive middle aged dudes blabbering about banging hot girls, or the latest football game, all the while dissecting their looks and performances. Asking important questions like “is it possible to go on being a good father and husband while banging all the dumb drunk whores I can on the side?

All in all, men of the Earth.. When standing in front of the New York premiere covered in Gasoline about to light myself on fire, remember me.  Remember Mitch Higgins for the manly awesomeness he was.

When you see that title, how do you express anything but laughter.  A 16 year old, whiter than normal white, Canadian kid just got nominated for a BET award.  I just about choked on the hilarity.

The President of Music programming and specials, Stephen Hill has said hes being considered because of Justin Biebers “crossover” into the black entertainment community.

“Bieber has crossed the colour boundaries the same way that hip-hop has crossed the boundaries the other way for a number of years.” – Stephen Hill, President of Music programming and specials for BET

How the hell does this work?  I thought BLACK Entertainment Television was meant to support and promote black media.  Yet they just nominated a 16 year old Canadian kid for there products awards show… Does Bieber have a huge dong or something we don’t know about?  What qualifies him!?!  ANSWER ME!

I understand television station labels and titles can be adjusted over time. I.e. MTV hasn’t shown a music video in 10 years.  Im very confused.  Im also planning my music career now, and will be on next years BET award show…

Look out for R&B’s next star… “ExtenZe”.

The second time I got to listen to the carefully crafted monologue.  Its laced with subtext and a carefully crafted set of lines for ol Jimmy.  Some may just take it that it has to do with a sensitive subject like penile enhancement.. but I dug deeper.  The makers of good Ol ExtenZe have been nailed on false advertising claims, and unfair business practices.  The product also isn’t FDA approved.  So due to all these legal issues, a commercial laced with subtlety would be inevitable.  They cant just say, “hey pinky peter, this wont make your willy bigger but you can at least try!”  So Alas we get our late night commercial loaded with indirect proclamations.

So with this product Extenze, which sounds more like a rappers name, you get bombarded with late night commercials telling you how you need a bigger weener to get hot ladies.  Just like how beer commercials show that it brings… hot ladies.  Odd advertising, wouldn’t you say?

But I digress.  My question is what in the hell is ex football coach Jimmy Johnson doing hawking penis pills?? He won superbowls, college championships, and still does football analysis on Fox sports so again I ask… What the hell!?  Are they paying him shit tons of money to star in commercials that air after 2 am on the weekdays??

Ive included one of the few commercials here for your viewing pleasure…

So every where you go guys ask if ExtenZe really works?  Really? The fact that you coached NFL football, and college champions just escapes their mind??  They just want to know about your huge ding dong?  C’mon man…

Its sold billions of pills too huh??  #1 penis enhancer you say?  Well Jimmy, much like the special Olympics… even if you’re the best, your still retarded.

Check this dialogue right from the source!*

*Not actually from the source, I just made it all up.

*************

Pharmaceutical exec: “Hey, what could we make a pill for that nobody would report if it didn’t work?”

Marketing douche: “Say, I bet a cure for a small cock would do just that!”

Pharmaceutical Exec: “That’s genius marketing douche, you’re the new VP of… hmm, what do the kids like these days?  Oh yes! They love rap music… Lets call it LongDongz! Or hey, maybe penis ehance-izzle… NO, Ive got it!  Lets call it Extenze! Make one of the letters in the middle capitalized, and perfect… ExtenZe!

Marketing Douche: You’re a genius sir!

Pharmaceutical exec: Indeed… We need to market it to people men with a small penis though.  How about conservative, gun toting, jackasses!?  They all have small penis’! Now who would appeal to them?  I know, lets get ex-Cowboys football Coach Jimmy Johnson!  ITS FULL PROOF!

*************

Slap together some subtle commercials to avoid legal trouble and BAM! Rake in the money on ever insecure microscopic penis having person alive.

Then to end the commercial, they say they will send you some pills, FOR FREE!  Of course you need to pay for something like for postage, shipping and handling, and your dignity.

So as I grow older, Ive realized not every woman is a just hole for my winky to go in.  They can also be worth my time and effort and possibly the commitment of marriage, or they can be next to the spawn of satan in horribleness and therefore should be destroyed.  Or after further analysis, they are really just a hole for my winky to go in.

So in this realization, Ive decided to do a weekly piece on 3 woman I would like to marry, bang or destroy… Like the childrens game.

First up, the woman Id like to marry.

Marry – Olivia Munn

This half Chinese, half German/Irish (if that makes sense) lady is THE BUSINESS.  Shes hot, shes sexy-tastic, and she analyzes movies, video games, and new technology regularly.  I think I just lost bowel control…

Most people know her from hosting Attack of the Show on G4, talking about nerdery and other nerd related tech issues.  Also splashing in a segment called “In Your Pants” where she and sex expert Anna David discuss sex, and viewers sex questions… brilliant tv programming by G4 there.

On top of all these awesome traits shes also got a legit sense of humor and can actually make me laugh.  Chicks usually don’t do that… Ever.  They make attempts but it usually goes awkward and uncomfortable.  But not Olivia Munn, shes female aweomeness personified.

For the shallow assholes out there, (bulk of my fan base) Miss Munn has been in Maxim’s hot 100 women for 3 years straight and was the cover girl for an issue of Playboy, but wasn’t naked.  Yes, I was angry about non-nudity and nearly cried, but shes classy, this is why I would marry her.

Bang- Audrina Patridge

If you watch a reasonable amount of TV then you’ve probably seen Audrina dining on a teriyaki burger from Carls Jr.  Or you may have seen her earlier when she was on The Hills, but that’s just if your mentally retarded.  Yet, fear not douchebags and MTV followers, she will have her own reality TV show starting this fall.  I wont dignify it by giving the title here.

If you pervs want to see her naked… YOU CAN!  Apparently in her search for fame she did some nudies right out of high school.  So Google search that to your hearts content fella’s.

Thus with Audrina being one hot piece of woman, but definitely lacking in any other skill.. I would not marry her, but sign me up for some sexy time!

Destroy- Ann Coulter

This narrow minded psycho is one of the worst things alive in America today.  Some of you may not even know who she is and good for you, I envy you, but im still going to introduce you to her. Sorry.

Ann Coulter is a conservative pundit that has made a name for herself by saying insane things about liberals and other groups of reasonable people.  She has the views of a regular citizen… living in the Dark Ages… and rams her incredibly warped ideology down the throats of anyone who will listen.

When stepping back to look at her ideas, quotes, comments, articles you really grow so frustrated and annoyed with how hypocritical she is, its scary.. Let me share.

“Political debate with liberals is basically impossible in America because liberals are calling names while conservatives are trying to make arguments…It’s really all the same lie [that liberals tell], that conservatives are either stupid or scarily weird and therefore you don’t have to deal with their ideas.”

This quote came after writing a book specifically written calling liberals names, and saying liberals are stupid or scarily weird. Yes.  Im not kidding.

She gives this constant position on debates and matters of liberals vs conservatives, with back and forth name calling which im sure she would explain as “They started it first!” accomplishing nothing.  In her public persona she obviously doesn’t seem to understand anything and sees all of her opponents as evil.  So if you belive differently than her, you’re an evil liberal.  If she liked vanilla ice cream and you liked strawberry, well, your obviously the devil.  Disagreeing with people is NORMAL and HEALTHY you fucking psychotic moron.  Seeing the world as either black or white is the real evil, and you are the epicenter of it.

“Your either with me, or you are my enemy” – Annakin Skywalker while turning to the dark side.  That’s right, I just used that quote, bitch.

If you have an open mind and think things through, well then she has this opinion for you…

“The swing voters-I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don’t have set philosophical principles. You’re either a liberal or you’re a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster.” -Beyond the News, Fox News Channel, 6/4/00

On top of that, shes got a message for you too ladies…

”I think [women] should be armed but should not vote…women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it…it’s always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care.”

Hahaha, how awesomely psychotic is that?

So theres my choices everybody.  Got any suggestions? Any lists of your own? ideas for me to consider?

By Kevin Rogers

Alright, there has been way too many news stories the past few weeks about the government fucking shit up for me not talk about it.  Let me preface this article by saying: I’m not taking any political sides on this one, just common sense and maybe, just maybe, a little humor. We shall see.

First up, and the oldest story, the Arizona immigration bill.  Now I’m not going to be the person to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong with this bill, or if it’s legal or illegal.  No, I’m going to rant about how absolutely hypocritical it is for the federal government to come to the party days late and try to lay down some sort of guilt trip to the state of Arizona.  The reason this pisses me off so damn much is simple: people all over this country have been crying, no, SCREAMING for immigration reform, and both the Bush and now Obama administration have done ZERO in regards to stopping people from crossing our borders.

Like I stated before, I’m not going to tell you what’s right or wrong, but I will say this- at least someone is doing something about this problem.  Yeah, maybe Arizona could be going a little overboard or maybe not, but the simple fact is they are fed-up with people crossing the border to kill, rape, and steal from this country.  Of course people are going to bitch about what’s going on; it’s what people do. Now you get everyone in the Obama administration like Hilary Clinton and Robert Gibbs, bitching about what’s going on and how it’s “not fair”, and that we need “real reform”.

Are you shitting me right now? Yes you idiots, no shit we need real reform, so do it then assholes! You’re the damn federal government, so go make some real changes instead of going on TV to bitch about someone else’s.  It’s like the old switch-a-fuckin-roo, watch this hand over here, while I punch you in the face and rape your wife with this other hand.

NEXT!

The good old BP oil spill in the gulf coast.  Let me start by saying bravo to BP for playing this one close to the vest.  Right after this started going down you get a statement saying, “no worries everyone, it’s just 1,000 barrels of oil per day, we’ve got this covered”. Excuse me?  Wait, so the company that theoretically caused this disaster is telling us they will take care of it? Yeah, that sounds awesome let’s leave the autistic 18 year old, in charge of the retarded 20 year old while we go to the movies.

Are you kidding me!? But no, everyone in the White House was A-OK with it. Then BP announces that it may be closer to 2,500 barrels of oil per day, and that the oil slick is heading towards the coast of Louisiana.  Again the Obama administration does nothing, congrats on another amazing decision!  Now come to find out that it’s more like 5,000 barrels of oil per day, and that the oil will probably continue to spill out into the ocean for another 40-60 days.

YIPPEE!!!!!! So now we have everyone along the gulf coast suffering because the White House couldn’t decide if they needed to shit, or get off the pot.  Look I understand that the powers that be can’t be bothered with such insignificant details like our economy being damaged every day we don’t attempt to stop this.

Now comes the story that the local fishermen who depend on the waters for work and to feed their families are hatching a plan that can only be described as Willey Coyote-esc.  They are going to get all their pontoon boats and line them up along the coast to “block” the oil sludge from hitting the main land.  Now I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about environmental disasters, but this sounds like the plan a child would think up.  The fact is though that this is ALL the fishermen have, because the government didn’t step in to help out when this actually started!

NEXT!

Last and certainly not least is the attempted bombing in Times Square.  Now I’m not going to be that guy who yells and screams because the government didn’t do anything about a guy who came here from Pakistan in the 90′s to go to school.  However, I will yell about the fact that this guy was on the terror watch list and almost made it out of the country! Are you kidding me? If this guy would have made it back to Pakistan we would have never found this douche bag.  I’ll be honest I’m surprised the FBI was able to track down this piece of shit before it was too late, but still!

Let’s look at this for a second, the guy became a nationalized citizen in 2009, at that point he was already on the terror watch list because of his close ties with Pakistan. He had just come back from a 5 month stay in Pakistan where his wife currently lives.  Odd you ask? Yes, it is, the reason his wife is still over seas is because she didn’t believe in his radical extremist views.  Hmmm… Strike two.  Now comes the whammy that I just read today.  Let me pose this as a question first, if a nationalized US citizen from Pakistan with extremist views is placed on the Terror Watch list, is he able to buy a gun?

The answer is surprisingly YES! I must be living in a fantasy fucking universe!  Under what smart- ass politician was it thought to be a good idea for this?  I’m all for gun right’s for U.S. citizens, but are you kidding me right now?  Everything about this guy was fishy and yet he was allowed to stay in this country, and then buy a gun! Thank God this moron wasn’t smart enough to use the gun; instead he tried to blow up thousands of civilians in the middle of Times Square with a kid’s alarm clock and some roman candles.

In closing I’m tired of the government, and its bullshit. Get your shit together and fix the problems we have, Fix the problems that happen, and Fix the problems that could happen.

By Steven Neville:

I fucking hate bikers, and I have a multitude of unfounded and anger driven reasons that should serve as concrete evidence as to why you should open your door and knockout a pretentious pedalist next time you pass one.

First, The Garb:

When I play football in the park with my friends I usually wear a t-shirt and workout shorts, as does everyone else. Now, if I were to arrive in the park decked out in full pads with a Peyton Manning jersey on, football pants, and a horseshoe helmet on my head, most would say I look like an idiot. In fact, everyone would say that I look like a fucking idiot. Think about that, and now try to please explain as to why, when you are riding through a downtown street, do you feel the need to wear sunglasses, an USPS jersey, and the always popular spandex shorts on your adventure? I must say that you certainly look like a professional rider, but the only prize you will win in the finish is the satisfaction of knowing you will never have to hide your sexual orientation to your increasingly suspicious girlfriend ever again!

Next, I hate bikers because rules do not apparently apply to these douches:

I once yelled at a biker who was swerving in and out of lanes, as they all do, for being a dickhead and running a red light. Looking back, I suppose the issue was not with him, but at the mere fact that every single person on a bike does this shit; in addition to crossing crosswalks at whatever time they arrive at one and changing lanes whenever they are so inclined. Then when the obvious happens, and they are struck by a two ton piece of moving steel, they throw a fit to the City about how it isn’t safe for them. Well, tough titties hippie, roads were built for cars, not your ‘Breaking Away’ wet dreams. Cars stop at red lights, people stop at red lights, seeing-eye dogs stop at red lights, but you get to look both ways and then go. You are so much more important than us; we wouldn’t want you to be late to your pretentious minimum-wage record store job and looking down at me for asking if you have the latest Kings Of Leon album in. Hey, can I get a sip of that $15 craft beer you just bought?

Which coincides with my last point: Most bikers are so deeply infused in their pretentious la-la land that they are a danger to their own kind and others.

The catalyst for this rant was some dickhole riding his bike down the street today, a street equipped with a bike lane. Naturally, if you were biking down this street you would be inclined to use the bike lane right? No, not if you are dressed in full out “Lance Mode” and pedaling as fast as this guy is! Oh, but wait, you are not biking nearly as fast as you think you are, and you are only succeeding in causing profanity-laced traffic problems and potential accidents behind you. But that couldn’t possibly affect you, not without also breaking the fragile illusion that you are as speedy as the one-balled wonder you worship. Besides, the bike lane was way too convenient, safe, obvious, and wide-open for someone of your spandex-clad caliber to consider.

You two-wheeled tramps are dickheads and hypocrites. You will laugh at an F-150 with a Tony Stewart license plate swerving through traffic at 80 Miles-Per-Hour, but have no qualms donning your yellow jerseys and swerving through crowded pedestrian trails filled with kids and old people. My only wish is that someday you are swerving by an old man, but it turns out to really be Megatron in disguise, and he sticks his old man cane in your spokes and then beats the shit out of you with your own water bottle. Not only because that would be sweet revenge, but it would also be really cool to watch.

By: Kevin Rogers

Let me start by saying that all these pussy politicians who can’t take a stand FOR returning to the moon is dead to me.  I was just reading an article the other day that drove me insane and I decided I must write something in response.  The basic premise of this article was that we should discontinue NASA and it’s funding.  I call boulder dash.  Who in their right mind would honestly want to do such a thing.

Let me guess, if that person is you, you are probably saying, the country is in debt trillions already, why continue to fund NASA’s experiments and trips to the moon?  Shut up you pansy.  The reason NASA is important includes several reasons.

1)    They shoot rockets, really, really big rockets, thus by simple math NASA=Awesome.

2)    Space suits make astronauts look super skinny.

3)    Aliens could be hiding around the corner at any moment, and we NEED to be ready because Will Smith can’t bail us out every time from some alien attack.

If you couldn’t tell, I was kidding.  The real reason we need to continue NASA’s funding is because NASA has provided us with some of the coolest shit.  Since NASA started shooting people on rockets into space they have been working on things.  Most people don’t even realize all that NASA has done for us.  Are you watching TV right now? How about talking on your cell phone today, did you do that? What about using a GPS to get somewhere? That’s because NASA decided to be badass and shoot a satellite into orbit around the earth.

I imagine your probably telling yourself that you could live without that stuff.  Well I would call you a goddamn liar, and you should stop saying nonsense. I’ll expand upon what NASA has done for you. How about the medical fields, for all you people that have pacemakers, thank NASA. How about an Ultra sound technology? Yeah NASA also. Not to mention anything having to do with breast cancer detection and treatment could be contributed to NASA and it’s advanced technology.

The fact is I could keep going and list everything from Air tanks for fire fighters, to stronger and safer winter tires for your car.  The worst part is you have morons out their whom think we should stop developing this stuff. The argument always is, well we don’t need to go to outer space for NASA to invent things.  Yes, we do.  For us non-eggheads let me pose this question, how may times have you been working on and project, and thought to yourself “man I sure with I had something that did XYZ”. Well the same thing happens with NASA, the only difference, NASA goes ahead and creates that thing FROM SCRATCH.

The truth is NASA needs to be planning to go the moon and Mars, not only because it would be kick ass to be able to go to the moon for vacation, but because we need NASA firing on all cylinders and making top notch grade A, American bad-ass-ery.  So the next time you guys hear your local senator or Congressman talking about how they are going to vote to cut of NASA’s funding, call them and tell them to shove it up their ass.

This over bubbly and high volume woman has been annoying the living shit out of me for too long.  I rarely punch women in the face.. but I would drop kick this chick in the face.  As I write this article with the tv on, a progressive commercial has come on and further enraged me.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!! THE WORLD SUCKS! And we’re at the bottom end of a recession, stop being happy!! You don’t appeal to me!

This perky, quirky and devil-like woman is always shown in commercials within a large white and sterile-looking warehouse selling boxes of insurance.  The pure white background really brings out her stupid red clown face and fire crotch hair, annoying me visually and audibly.  They make her stick out like an emo kid at a pep rally.  She also has her “tricked out name tag” (GOD I WANT YOU TO DIE!!) and small child personality.. ITS NOT CUTE!! Its fucking annoying! Grow up!  I hope someone releases her in a sex tape.

With all of her shitty 5 year old humor and bubbly persona poisoning me slowly, it doesn’t end there.  Morons of facebook have even taken to making multiple fan pages for her with thousands of fans.  When I see anyone join that group, I immediately remove them from my friends list and then spread rumors about them having herpes, AND AIDS.

What happened to the good ol’ days of awesome spokespeople?  Like the Bud Light “I love you man” guy, Tony the Tiger, or the Coors light twins?  Now a days we have the Verizon douchebag, or the god damn English speaking Geico Gecko.  Go fuck yourself Gecko.  Instead of clever, interesting and cool characters we get this make up splattered woman who annoys the living shit out of people, and according to Progressives marketing team shes not going any where.  Her comic timing is more like headache and vomit timing for yours truly and every corny joke and gag makes me want to shoot a hole through my television.  WHHHHHHYYYY!?!?!

Some one must stop her.  One day, my brothers and sisters we will conquer this fictional character of auto insurance commercials.