So, it must be the unions fault right? I mean, unions just want to destroy companies and make them go bankrupt so their members can lose their jobs, cause that’s what unions do right?  A billion dollar corporation would never do anything shady or not in the best interests of its 18,000+ employees!

{end of sarcasm}

In 1999, workers for Hostess’ Wonder Bread Bakeries received a memo stapled to their pay checks stating the company just had the most productive quarter in baking history.

Thats great news right? Boy I better put all my 401K in Hostess stock! {lied about end of sarcasm}

Unfortunately A few weeks later, employees got a ‘woopsy’ letter, saying the memo was an ‘accounting error’ and the company was FAILING MISERABLY.

Why would they do that?!!??

CEO Charles Sullivan and the board was able to sell their stock before everyone found out about the bad news! He not only avoided prison time for it, he was brought back as a consultant after his resignation.

By 2005, Hostess cut $150 million a year in labor, and was able to avoid bankruptcy. Then, in July of 2011, the company told it’s employees they were going to ‘borrow’ their $3+ per hour that they contributed to their pension until they could be ‘profitable’ again, even though the company sold $2.5 BILLION in product in 2005.

Well, guess what?

That money theyve been “borrowing”…. They’re not paying it back.

In fact, they told their employees they’ll also have to take an 8% pay cut, and pay double in insurance premiums with lower quality insurance plans.

Twinkies, we can all safely say, are pretty damn terrible for you. Coincidentally, so are the financial practices of the execs of Hostess, the company that makes them.

Directly from the Sacramento Bee:
“[Union] members are well aware that as the company was preparing to file for bankruptcy earlier this year, the then CEO of Hostess was awarded a 300 percent raise (from approximately $750,000 to $2,550,000) and at least nine other top executives of the company received massive pay raises. One such executive received a pay increase from $500,000 to $900,000 and another received one taking his salary from $375,000 to $656,256.”

So lets check the score here…

Hostess employees :
- Executives ‘borrow’ employees $3+ per hour that they contributed to their pension. WILL NOT BE PAID BACK
- Take an 8% pay cut
- Pay double in insurance premiums with lower quality insurance plans.

Hostess executives:
- 300% pay raises
- All profits from liquidation of company inventory
- No legal ramifications for laying off 18,000 employees

Dont agree?  Think the company is fully behind their decision to liquidate and end hostess for good??

Weeeeell, just a few hours ago both sides agreed to try to work through the conflict.  The baking company’s planned liquidation is on hold for now.

Mediation hearings will begin Tuesday, but the original hearing to consider the wind-down plan was adjourned until Wednesday morning, just in case reconciliation talks don’t work out. Production “remains shut down,” according to the company.  The union is at a deep disadvantage at this point, if discussions fail, Hostess exec’s will probably sell itself and wash its hands of the situation. If it is sold off then potential buyers like Nestle would then probably absorb the brands into their operations without hiring former Hostess workers.

All in all, to the people who just want Twinkies and dont care about the people… dont worry, theres money to be made, Twinkies wont die. Ever.  To those sympathetic of people trying to fight for basic benefits while the top executives give themselves extravagant raises… I dont know what to tell you.  No one has been able to stop it so far, not even the United States government, and when scores of brain dead morons fight against the unions which are the only thing stopping us from becoming full time slaves, we’re in deep shit.

Since debuting, in 2009, we have all had the extreme annoyance of Jersey Shore.  Due to the “guilty pleasure” of morons every where this pile of garbage became a genuine cultural phenomenon.  With douchebags and whorey club girls spitting out Jersey Shore quotes with regularity.  GTL anyone?

As the seasons wore on, the magic of this show trickled down… Thats odd..  The A.D.D. morons they sucked in, in the first place no longer cared, weird… They went from booze filled whoreish morons, to rich booze filled whoreish morons and people aren’t interested any more. They’re all scheduled to make $150,000 an episode for the final season.  Kinda makes you want to vomit huh?  A young firefighter makes about $50,000, A YEAR.

The quick blast of fame and money has made Snooki, and The Situation household names… but after a year they will be broke and probably blowing people in back alleys for coke money, or in Snooki’s case baby formula.  Wouldnt it be funny if The Situation had to go into gay feces porn and his new name would be The Shituation?  Id feel good about that.

Yet the reason to cancel the show isnt for the good of America, or to promote another educational or interesting show its because the ratings have dropped off dramatically.  This previous season premiere had a million fewer viewers than before, and with sky rocketing payments to the cast… its really about the money.  Suprise!

But you gotta capitalize on the success, I mean for some reason people cant get enough retards on TV.  So lets do spinoffs “The Pauly D Project” and “Snooki & JWoww”!! YAY!  More Jersey Shore! SWEET! Buuuut suprisingly they have not done well.  But Snooki’s show is already renewed for season 2.  The cash cow of Jersey Shore may be coming to an end and some might recover a few IQ points, but Im sure thats a fantasy.. Im pretty confident we’ll Jersey Shore: Baywatch nights some time soon…

What once was the biggest ratings grab for MTV EVER… is now another finalized reality show we hopefully all forget about in a year.

The republican party was always socially conservative, and favored traditional gender roles, no gays, no abortion, but still had an inkling of humanity with some republicans not sure about abortion in the case of rape or incest… gays could serve in the military but don’t tell anyone about it, and women could serve in the military in combat and still run fortune 500 companies.

Now we have what is called the “talibangelical” or tea party enthusiast or christian fundamentalist.. Which have hijacked the republican party, moderate conservatism is over. They’re putting the pedal to the metal on Republican conservatism. Heres a few big points from this weeks Republican committee meeting.

No gay marriage or legally recognized civil unions - The committee was overly clear on the anti-gay stance. (I think they even catered some Chick-Fil-A) They rejected the proposal of recognizing gay civil unions, and rejected equality for same sex couples. Romneys advisor Jim Bopp called it “counterfeit marriage”. They also plan to take all necessary measures to enforce and defend DOMA. (The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) enacted September 21, 1996, is a United States federal law that defines marriage as the legal union of one man and one woman for federal and inter-state recognition purposes in the United States.)

No women in combat, no gay support from military - The committee has placed a clear opposition to women serving in infantry units, and a stance of aiming to reactivate the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy. They affirm this with the statement “We reject the use of the military as a platform for social experimentation and will not accept attempts to undermine military priorities and mission readiness.” Their reasoning is that they oppose anything that might weaken team cohesion, including intra-military special interest demonstrations like wearing a military uniform at a gay pride parade or any kind of protest or activism and so on.

No abortion, for any reason including rape or incest - This crushes any moderate stance on abortion calling for the republican party to propose a “human life amendment” which went through with no opposition. On top of this they also plan to ban all drugs that would end pregnancy after conception including the “morning after pill”.

Obviously all of these issues heavily pushed by talibangelical’s. So there can’t be enough psychotic religious fundamentalists to get these guys elected can there be!? Yes. Yes there is. Due to several factors. Many liberals or democrats or intellectuals do not vote, they don’t even bother. A passionate moron can lead many passionate morons. AND, the fact that sprinkled in the Republican parties talibangelical agenda are some decent ideas, such as:

Auditing the Federal Reserve - For the first time ever, the republicans are taking up this initiative to audit the most powerful monetary system in the world. The Federal Reserve, and the U.S. Treasury have put Americans on the hook for over $16 trillion in bailouts and loans, but they still deny requests to see details of its emergency lending and tactics. So essentially the Federal Reserve works in secret, which obviously leads to abuse, corruption, and inflation. So auditing the Fed would finally provide answers to the American people about how our money is being spent.

No more new taxes, except for war time - The platform calls for a Constitutional amendment requiring a super-majority to approve any tax increase, “with exceptions for only war and national emergencies.” It would also deliberately hobble future Congresses through a cap limiting all government spending, so that future Congresses cannot balance the budget by raising taxes. Time to reform the taxes already in place and make it more efficient.

But the Federal Reserve Audit can still happen with or without a republican president, and tax reform is something any president needs to do. The problem here is with extremist Christians with odd parallels to extremist Muslims who have attacked this country. Unfortunately when you point out the similarities you become an anti Christian bigot. Don’t want that!

Talibangelicals hijacked the tea party, Conservative elite hijacked the Talibangelicals, and now we’ve got our new talibangelical Republican party.

Lets start with the Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan. Lets jump back to 2010 when Mr. Ryan showcased his amazing economic knowledge and told us all that the QE2 risks inflation. (what the the hell does that mean? Just a moment) The QE2 was a Federal Reserve plan to purchase $600 billion in securities. Ryan was adamant is saying this attempt to help this economy and the American people would “risk rising inflation, and weaken the dollar”.

Alas, the Republican Vice presidential candidate was so wrong that the exact opposite happened. Since his prediction, the dollar has risen against all other major currencies and inflation did not go above 2%, which was the Fed’s goal.

NEXT!

Our next pile of horseshit comes from Jim Cramer, a former hedge fund manager, and the host of CNBC’s Mad Money. Im sure you’ve seen this guy before… If not on CNBC, then in the first Iron Man movie when he critiqued Stark industries stock price, as himself, or in the “feud” with Jon Stewart from 2009.

Jim Cramer, who has been involved in multiple controversies including his stories of market manipulation, SEC subpoena’s being served to him and his website “Thestreet.com”. Cramer is more in the show business to regurgitate corporate lies, than use his journalistic role to shed light on bad investments and companies manipulating the market. I’d show multiple examples but I think one is good enough, research for yourself if you want more…

“On the March 11, 2008, episode of Cramer’s show Mad Money, a viewer named Peter submitted the question “Should I be worried about Bear Stearns in terms of liquidity and get my money out of there?” Cramer responded “No! No! No! Bear Stearns is not in trouble. If anything, they’re more likely to be taken over. Don’t move your money from Bear.”[48][49] On March 14, 2008, Bear Stearns stock fell 92% on news of a Fed bailout and $2/share takeover by JPMorgan.”

Woopsy! Well in 2009 Jon Stewart took it to him and actually worked to the point where Stewart suggested: “Maybe we can remove the ‘financial expert’ and the ‘In Cramer We Trust’ and start getting back to fundamentals on the reporting” Cramer agreed, they shook hands. All was right in the world.. Or…

On March 18, 2010, Jim Cramer stated on Larry Kudlow’s program that Obamacare would tank the stock market.

President Obama signed the reform package into law 5 days later. Well, going strictly by the numbers, on April 1, 2010 the Dow Jones was at 10,927. It is now currently above 13,200 2 years later without a “tank in the stock market”.

Take it as you will…

NEXT!

Michelle Bachman, the poor woman’s Sarah Palin. Im so tired of this lady and her complete lack of common sense or intelligence I want to go live on Mars. Yet, someone needs to keep pointing out her garbage or she’ll keep going and manipulating the uneducated masses.

So heres a big one… In March 2009 Congresswoman Bachmann explained that Obama’s policies were the “final leap into socialism”. (Please let out your sigh of dealing with incompetence, now.)

This claim definitely got her attention and surely helped prop her up for her presidential run that, thank god, she dropped out of. Obviously she’s wrong. She’s wrong because the government began selling off its stake in the industries it had to temporarily prop up as it said it would. In December 2010 the U.S. government sold the shares back to General Motors after propping it up with emergency capital, and without the emergency capital many of the largest companies in America would have failed.

NEEEEXT!

Glenn Beck. Um. thats it. Glenn Beck.

NEXT!

Over the years, everyones favorite fat balding racist Rush Limbaugh has made many predictions. Including drawing connections between African-American appearance and criminality on several occasions, even saying on one occasion that all newspaper composite pictures of wanted criminals resembled Jesse Jackson, and another time that “the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons.” He’s a peoples champion… really.

He’s a hypocrite, a drug abuser and another manipulator of angry uneducated conservatives. Like Jim Cramer, in 2009 he also blasted Obamacare and said 250 million Americans would be left uninsured. Weeeell, he was a smidge off, currently less than 50 million Americans are uninsured.

NEEEEEXT

Your Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney. Mitt told everyone the US would default if the debt ceiling was raised in June 2011. The debt ceiling WAS raised, a year has gone by and alas… America has not defaulted.

Or how about the 3rd party savior for many people, Ron Paul. Ol grumpy grandpa, who runs on a campaign that he knows so much more about the economic system and how to fix it, believed that in May 2011 runaway inflation was just horrendous. In May 2011, inflation was at 3.2 percent.. peaked at 3.9 in October, and has steadily gone DOWN to 1.4 percent as of last month 2012.

Wow. WOW.

Is anyone not aware that cigarettes can be harmful to your health? Anyone? Do cigarette smokers get forced to smoke at gun point? Its one thing to force smokers to go away from non smokers and avoid second hand smoke and the shitty smell. Its another thing to continually slam an individuals rights to do what they fucking want to. Now an individual that wants a smoke break from the shit job that he fights through every day gets to stare at a tar and cancer covered lung taken out of a body after autopsy before they light that little bit of relaxation and peace.

We need government, human beings need to be governed or it would be violent rapey chaos… but when government comes in and says we can’t do something like smoke a cigarette, they are over stepping their bounds. Attorney General Nicola Roxon and Health Minister Tanya Plibersek justify this action by saying “This is a victory for all those families who have lost someone to a tobacco-related illness. For anyone who has ever lost someone, this is for you.” THE SMOKERS CHOSE TO SMOKE!! For christ sakes, the new packs will make smoking as unglamorous as possible, sure… but really? Pictures of sickly children on a pack of cigarettes?

Government has the right and the obligation to search out the health issues with cigarettes and put out the truth about the health dangers like cancer and birth defects etc. Especially back in the 50′s and 60′s when cigarette companies literally put out commercials from “doctors” saying smoking was good for you. False claims and advertising directly to children is definitely something that needs to be regulated, but the Australian government is effectively seizing the property of a company and acquiring a platform to put forward their own message of anti smoking. This is beyond the boundaries of a government body to seize a companies protected copyrights and product and repackage it with its own labels, let alone labels of graphic health issues.

Smoking is something people want to do for a little buzz, or help relaxing, or even after some wild sex. Doing this to companies and pushing these regulations will only do more harm than good. Counterfeit cigarettes on the black market will explode after this. Government regulated plain packaging is going to give counterfeiters a fucking template on how to make a fake cigarette box.

What do you think of the decision to put these images on cigarettes?

For me its violence or abuse against kids and animals, fundamentalist religious people, and of course the frivolous excess of the rich and worthless.

The first two are pretty self explanatory but many look on the frivolous excess of the rich and worthless in jealousy, or look up to them as idols. (scary, but true) Im speaking of course of all the talentless heirs and heiresses of those who may have actually worked to earn their money, including the members of todays reality TV shows. My Super Sweet 16, the Kardashians, Stupid Spoiled Whore, The Real Housewives of Who Gives a Fuck… But there are still the ones that don’t appear on your TV all the time.. Now they can appear on a new website “The Rich Kids of Instagram”, a blog showcasing silver spoon sucking rich kids of our world.

On this Tumblr blog you can feast your eyes on photos of rich kids, or wanna be douchebags in all different kinds of excess and overindulgence. Dom Perignon is in 3 out of 4 photos on the site from being poured on someones head to poured out like it was worthless… Rolex watches are on display.. Ferarri’s and other expensive unnecessary cars… Then my new favorite, “Receipt Porn”

What is receipt porn you ask? Well it involves photographing a ridiculous tab at a bar or other venue and posting it to the internet. Tabs like these… $13,945 for a bar tab, $42,902 for a bottle service bar tab, or a $107,524 tab for caviar and alcohol in St. Tropez. on the French Riviera.

Im disgusted by teens and preteens posing in jewelry or cars, or choppers, or yachts they did nothing to earn. They were BORN.. Thats their accomplishment. They have no talent, no humility, and have never come across a real challenge in their life. Its bad enough they live lives of excess like this while most of America slips into poverty but now to post pictures on the internet just to show off… its the kind of thing that makes you cringe and prepare for a revolution. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the middle class moves further down… So the heirs of the rich can put Dom Perignon in their spaghetti sauce.

Not every photo on this new tumblr site is legit… a simple photo of a Rolex watch on a wrist, or one bottle of Dom could be done with relatively normal income. Say, trying out a Rolex at the store, or slapping on a fake label to a champagne bottle. Some kids just want the attention or admiration of others simply for having money. But you can’t fake a water slide off a mega yacht, or a back flip from a helicopter or the douchebaggery it takes to snap some of these photos.

Is the American dream dead?

Yet my hate reached a new level when I read the newly viral blog post written by comedian Matt Fisher. The title of his post, “My Sister Paid Progressive Insurance to Defend Her Killer In Court.” A happy post, filled with joy and wonder. Since it doesn’t translate well in text, that was sarcasm.

Matt’s blog post details the bureaucratic hell that Progressive insurance has put his family through. The jist of which is that his sister Katie was killed in a car accident in June 2010. She had a green light and the other driver ran the red. The driver was underinsured, so the payment was not much. Based on the Progressive policy Katie had purchased, Progressive was required to pay the difference. Sounds pretty straight forward right? ERRGGHH WRONG. As Matt said:

“Carrying Progressive insurance and getting into an accident does not entitle you to the value of your insurance policy. It just pisses off Progressive’s lawyers. Here I address you, Prospective Progressive Insurance Customer: someday when you have your accident, I promise that there will be enough wiggle room for Progressive’s bottomless stack of in-house attorneys to make a court case out of it and to hammer at that court case until you or your surviving loved ones run out of money.”

Thats right, Progressive refused to pay, and told their lawyers “sick em!”. But in Maryland, you can’t sue an insurance company for denying compensation. The only alternative was for her parents’ to sue the other driver just so they could establish his negligence and force Progressive to pay Katie’s policy.

So heres the kicker.. When they sued the man who killed their daughter… PROGRESSIVE INSURANCES LEGAL TEAM DEFENDED THE KILLER IN COURT. So, reader and prospective insurance seeker, remember the new Progressive tag line, “If you are insured by Progressive, and they owe you money, they will defend your killer in court in order to not pay you your policy.”

Even with the Progressive legal team, the other driver was in fact found negligent and after massive emotional strain and financial loss by Katies family they were ordered to pay the family at some vague point in the future.

I realize I’m not on to some new story of an insurance company being incredibly evil and heartless. It happens all the time. Yet Progressive has really pissed me off, and should piss you off too. It surely got the attention of the internet who have reflagged, shared, face booked, tweeted and whatever else dozens of times spreading the word. So much so that Progressive now had their social media/publicists “sick em”. AND WHAT A JOB THEY DID!

The Progressive insurance response to the viral article was to post this message:

“This is a tragic case, and our sympathies go out to Mr. Fisher and his family for the pain they’ve had to endure. We fully investigated this claim and relevant background, and feel we properly handled the claim within our contractual obligations. Again, this is a tragic situation, and we’re sorry for everything Mr. Fisher and his family have gone through.”

Pretty robotic and politically correct.. and by robotic, I mean they copy and pasted this soulless message 20+ times to different Twitter critics of Progressive. And to slap a nice layer of urine of this shit sandwich, they get to stare at the god damn wench Flo with her shit eating grin as the Progressive accounts avatar.

Side note: I am not allowed to tell people to click advertisements on my website, because if people click it without any real interest it would waste the advertisers money. So if a Progressive insurance advertisement appeared on my page here, you clicking it would waste their money.

Why does it look like Lisa Simpson blowing Bart Simpson?

On July 27th the world came together for a festival of sports… The London Olympics began with a whacky ol’ opening ceremony from the mind of Danny Boyle including a pageant of dancing, choreography and colors. The gays were ECSTATIC. There was lots of prancing, and an interesting take on the history of Britain from the industrial revolution on, with announcers similar to a DVD commentary track.

But Id like to take a step back, back before the opening ceremonies…

On the surface the Olympics is a gathering of the worlds finest, and a time for the world to come together in celebration of the human spirit, but what it takes to make the Olympics happen is actually pretty ugly.

LOCOG (the London Organizing Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games) is the organization responsible for putting on the Olympics without a hitch, from starting on time to avoiding terrorist attacks. In order to do this, LOCOG felt it was necessary to alter the law, revoke civil rights, fill the area with as much military as during WWII, and kick up the big brother camera system EVEN HIGHER. These actions were taken for the same reason it always is… For public safety, and for our benefit.

Let me break this down for ya! During WWII, there were warships docked on the river Thames, right in the center of London. There was an operating Royal Air Force base in the capital, and all air traffic control was taken out of civilian hands and given to the Ministry of Defense. WWII was one of the last real wars, with significant risk to the freedoms we now kind-of enjoy and drastic measures were arguably necessary, it was an incredibly difficult and dangerous time. These measures are not exactly what I feel is necessary for badminton, BUT these measures were taken any way. Over 13,000 troops patrolled London, the Royal Marines were out checking your god damn tickets for the women’s synchronized swimming qualifying rounds. The Royal Marines are not the US equivalent of the Coast Guard or National Guard… these are some of Britain’s most hardcore soldiers. As well as man power, they installed surface-to-air missiles on residential buildings! Thats right, the silly chaps living in London got there homes turned into rocket launchpads!

Another step was to take a nice big steamy shit on civil rights. While Britain makes up about 1 percent of the global population, they’re being watched by 20 percent of the global CCTV cameras. More camera surveillance than COMMUNIST China. This was before preparations for the Olympics… NOW theres about 1 camera for every 14 people in London, and those cameras are ultra smart. For the Olympics LOCOG set up a new range of scanners, biometric ID cards, number-plate and facial-recognition CCTV systems, disease tracking capabilities, new police control centers and checkpoints. To make it sound even more psychotically evil and controlling… ALL of this surveillance was under a central control. This all sounds pretty crazy for keeping terrorists at bay and holding a sense of public safety, they wouldn’t use this police state-like technology for anything else would they? WOOOO.. No SIR! This intricate network of surveillance and big brothery is also used to prosecute anyone for selling counterfeit Olympics merchandise. Thats right, you got a “Congrats Michael Phelps” T-shirt you want to sell? YOURE GOIN DOWN!

Its no surprise the Olympics cost a ‘butt load’ of money. The official estimate is nearing 14 Billion dollars.. yes, thats billion with a B. So in order to earn this money back any host city has to make serious deals with the upper echelon of international brand sponsors. So the big guys get VIP select driving routes, exclusive advertising rights, ticket deals, and the like. When I say exclusive advertising rights, I mean it… If you were a regular joe trying to capitalize on your homelands hosting of the Olympics, and try to sell anything olympics related like something with the words “Games,” “2012″ “Gold,” “Silver,” “Bronze,” “London,” “Medals,” “Sponsors” and “Summer” in your signs or products then you got a $30,000 FINE. No. Im not kidding.

The IOC likes to also add some other special privileges to the host city to make sure lots of the money’s be made. Such as completely raping free speech, to the point where the London contract included that all billboards throughout the city must be rented by the city and that only sponsors of the games will be allowed to use them. If anyone wants to put up an anti-Olympics billboard, they are banned. Police even had the power to enter homes and remove an anti-Olympics signs.

So have i crushed all the happy feelings the olympics gave you yet? All the pride you felt as America took home the most medals? NO? Well, you are strong.. ALAS I AM NOT DONE!

I forgot to mention the 11 mile long electrified fence, powered with a 5,000 volt shock. Yeee Haw, now thats in the spirit of nations crossing borders to come together as one world community. Ol sparky (the wall) is six meters in height which makes it taller than a long standing symbol of communism and the cold war.. The Berlin Wall. Not only does it help keep terrorists out but it sure helps keep out all the homeless people and bums from bugging people!

Ya, sorry to spoil what was desperately marketed as a one world community event of peace and physical contest. I really wanted to feel good about America, and capitalism and western civilization but, when so much has to be done because so many people want to harm us.. its a little scary. But then again, Liam Gallagher performed “Wonderwall,” and Muse rocked the house with “Survival,” and Queen guitarist Brian May was joined by singer Jessie J for “We Will Rock You.” So its all good.

By:Steve Neville

Facebook Etiquette: A standard that is comprised by rules in Social Media that invariably determines your status as a douchebag or not.

Everything I am about to write is neither opinion nor conjecture. It is a fact.  There does exist a website as to which 25% of the world’s traffic flows through. It is the most popular website in the world, and it does  require compliance with an unwritten set of rules in order to successfully navigate it.

The site: Facebook.
The rules: Facebook Etiquette.
And below are the four most popular ways to turn a great way to connect with friends into an amazing way to acquire black eyes.

First Rule: Remember, no one cares about your baby except you!

OMG? No way? At three months into your pregnancy your baby is developing tiny hands and feet? Wait, what? Your baby just, no way, cried and kept you up all night? Your baby has the cutest smile and the most adorable ways of being funny? That’s just TOO precious!

Well, just so we are clear. It’s a baby, right? And it’s doing well? So the natural stages of prenatal development, and its subsequent actions after birth are the same as the 400 babies born per second, yes? So this is probably is not interesting to anyone except you, correct? Ok, just making sure.

Second Rule:  Dear non-living entity

This is my biggest pet peeve on “the book.” The letters written into statuses that are addressed to non-living entities that could never respond, ex. “Dear Weather, you are cold and I am so over you.”  Awesome, it is cold, but why did you write that to the weather as if it could respond in your status: “Dear User, so totally right but this cold front has my patterns by the balls. FML.” Get over yourself. Everyone knows its cold, think of something else to say that doesn’t require a pretentious and clichéd way to seem original. Or just stick to the classic, “At the store, man it is cold outside,” and I am pretty sure people will still get the point that you are a pussy.

Third Rule: Spam/Linkage person

You know this person. It’s your friend that finally got a job for the first time in their life, so now everything is “Stop in for three dollar drink specials at the shitty bar I work at tonight!” or “15-Ways to increase your stock portfolio by mid-November.” Or, “Is your business operating like my business? Because it should be and here’s why!” I know a guy, Tim Moneybell, who is the epitome of linkage guy and about to be defriended due to his douchebaggery. But I won’t name names…

…wait.

Fourth Rule: Vague status person

Common signs of VSP are seen in statuses such as: “FML,” or “Not again,” or “Ok, I am seriously over this.” And you know what they want, too. You to respond with “Oh No! What’s wrong?” And it is always something ridiculously stupid as well, like “I have been stuck in traffic for an hour!” Or “I just texted Brad about pizza night, but he wasn’t suppose to know. Woops, lol.” Not once have I ever seen a conversation like this:

USER: “FML.”

USER2: “What’s wrong?”

USER: “I just found out I have A.I.D.S. and my mom was mugged by a Mexican walking to the store.”

USER2: “OMG?!? Are you okay?”

USER: “No, I am seriously considering checking myself in for professional psychiatric help.”

USER2: “Call me and I can drive you there, you need all the support you can get right now!”

No, they go like this.

USER: “FML.”

USER: “How did this happen?”

USER: “I can’t believe this happened…”

USER2: “What’s wrong?”

USER: “Angry Birds keeps switching off again and again.”

So, there you have it. Of course, there reside other rules. Like keep statuses to a 3-per-day minimum, don’t post baby photos (See: Rule 1) and many others. But if you stick to avoiding these four, you should be able to keep a good profile on Social Media and stalk that hot girl from class without her ever knowing your existence.

This article isn’t simply out of the blue, but because I keep hearing about so many different instances where a girl gets harassed to the point of killing herself because of her ‘girlfriends’ harassing them to the point of death.  I mean, Jesus Christ ladies.. are so many of you so insecure that ripping on another chick because shes different makes you feel better?

I read an interview with Kelly Valen and her book, and she explained that “88% of these women told me there’s a darkness lurking beneath all the good stuff, an undercurrent of aggression, competition, and negativity”.  Us guys are simple creatures, we don’t have any ulterior motives when we ask for food, beer or sex.. we just want food, beer or sex.  If we have an issue with another dude we go face them and either get into a fist fight or get it all out in the open then get over it.  These issues are also worth confrontation they aren’t just someone wearing the same outfit, or having a new goofy hairstyle.. I have seen women take something like that and run with it almost to the point of personal destruction upon another chick.  If one girl is hotter than normal, smarter, or has a better fashion sense they better be prepared for fucking war.  Hell even if one girl has done NOTHING, another chick might destroy her simply out of boredom or just simply because she can.

Ive gotten pretty hard on lady vs. lady relationships, and the fact is dudes can do pretty ugly shit too.  The fact is, we aren’t conniving and manipulative enough to purposefully set out to do it for trivial means.  We might want revenge for something done to us, or unintentionally lose control of our weener and have sex with multiple women while in a relationship. The fact is guys might hurt a woman from time to time, but women can scar your soul.  Women posses an ability that men don’t, a whole ambiguous language that we cant comprehend and when that gets turned on each other it can get pretty damn ugly.

I don’t know what my exact goal of this article is, but Ill tell you what its not.  I’m not just releasing some deep seeded misogyny or bad mouthing chicks for the hell of it, I’m trying to figure out why women do the things they do.  To themselves, to other women, and to poor unsuspecting guys like myself.  Women can be a hundred times kinder than men, and a hundred times more evil than men and Id like to know how to keep myself with the kinder version.  Id also like to get some discussion on this… am I totally blowing smoke out of my ass?  Are women truly more capable of evil?  Are guys more evil?  I want to know.