This was the very first attempt at a full cartoon by The Third Brand and was completed in the summer of 2003, but revised to this version in late 2004.

Note: Dont be confused when intro says “Part 3″, due to editing it was adjusted.

Dont worry about it saying “Part 4″ the original had 4 parts, but has since been edited.

I have suffered from the mighty hangover and have fallen victim to its predator like ways many times.. it stalks you slowly, forcing you to give in to the peer pressure of “Take a shot! Pussy!”… and “Time for a Jack Daniels chug!”..drinking games get easier, you become smarter, vodka tastes like water, EVERYONE is bone-able and cigarretes are the most satisying thing since sex.. but alas, we mortals are not meant to partake in such utopia, so we blackout… Nature, you are one evil son of a bitch.  You cant go out, drink an entire handle of vodka and then continue the next day guilt and consequence free. Cant happen. Trust me… oh god, trust me.

The world cant have the good without the bad. You cant win the lottery without paying half of it to taxes, giving more of it to family, and then spending the rest on a mansion just as the real estate market crashes.  The hangover is the balance, the yang to drunks yin.  The great universe balancing the equation.  Yes, I just got that deep about alcohol consumption.

When you think of a hangover, no one ever really has any sympathy for a person suffering from one… you just laugh at them.  As I do.  You cant think of the last time you had one and empathize… you more than likely ask the dumbass “Hey, want a cocktail?” Just to amuse yourself, and see if they start vomitting right there.  Yet when youve awoken from your dark unconcious slumber to the taste of vodka, cigarrettes, and tid bits of food in your teeth, your not in a laughing mood.  Your clutching bed sheets in your closed fist fighting off the feeling of yacking your brains out. Sometimes you win, many times you lose.  Once youve experienced the Level 5 hangover, as I call it, you either stop drinking or start looking for hangover cures…

If you’re a drinker of any kind, you’ve heard all the hang over prevention tricks, and rumors like take vitamin C, or some OJ before you go to bed. Some people say drink lots of water. Some people say to eat lots of fiber, or greasy food so you can drop a huge deuce and hopefully knock some out. There’s lots of techniques and advice, and the one I love to hear is to pick up another beer and drink it when you wake up. Son of a bitch, if they were right. It works for some mild hangovers, but all it does is postpone the hang over til 3 in the afternoon. Yet again the cruel world only teases you with a miracle cure.

In essence the hang over is the price you have to pay for having a carefree, insane, and god damn good time. Sometimes its worth that price when you can wake up with a women with huge knockers, or you shatter a previously held beer bong record, or take an unprecedented 14 shots all at once.  Sometimes a night of debauchery and fun can be worth the consequence, but take it from me dont mix the hard booze… just dont.

Amidst big budget cuts that may include laying off cops, a 66 year old retired truck driver and Vietnam War veteran name Alan Pettet is planning on putting together a vigilante Super Friends.

Wow. Part of me wants to belittle this guy and tear him a new one for trying to relive Nam’, and possibly beat up some colored folk.  But another side of me is realizing lots of the country is falling into shambles and the state and local governments are CUTTING funds for cops, which is going to make the cities even worse.  With Stockton being a huge bastion for violent crime, laying off even 1 cop in Stockton would be one too many. The place has only gotten worse as far as crime is concerned, and every time one side of the government tries to kick start the place, such as with a soccer team, hockey team and AFL team another side of the local government tries to kill it again.

So with Stockton in freefall this guy Alan Pettet has wrangled together 18 other guys, some ex-military, to actually patrol crappy areas of Stockton if the police officers do get laid off July 1st.  Apparently they will wear armbands to identify themselves and drive with 4 men per car armed with rifles, and some non-lethal weapons.  Dear god I hope they wear a cape and cowl like Batman.  For those of you familiar with guns, or Nintendo 64′s golden eye, (fuck, that game was awesome) Pettet plans to carry a Desert Eagle pistol.  This is a beast of a handgun folks; it could punch through a guy’s chest.  Yet even with devastating weapons, he says when they patrol they only plan to detain suspected criminals and call the cops.

So your telling me with an arsenal of weapons at your disposal these guys will be acting like gated community security?? BUUUULLSHIT.  Pettet did say if anyone opens fire on him or his super pals they will return fire, but what happens when the first little punk gets all uppity and shoves one of these guys to run away?  “Ahh shucks Jimbo, he’s getting away”… not a chance.  I don’t think he’ll pull the desert eagle on some kid breaking curfew but, a nice tazer blast to the throat could be executed.  I just see lots of bad stuff happening with this set up.

The Mayor and vice mayor and other officials are saying Stockton isn’t at the point where it needs an armed militia, but Pettet has already set up an acronym for his boys “S.A.M.” Stockton Armed Militia. So once an acronym has been established, everyone knows it’s an official agency… EVERYONE. It almost makes me want to get a cowboy hat and yell Yee Haw from the dukes of hazard car and shoot a couple of Yosemite Sam pistols into the air.  Who else would be down to do this?  I would,   Id get a sweet ass code name like Iron Hawk or Lazer Thunder and get to shoot somebody or tazer scum, straight up Saturday morning cartoon style.

I mock this old guy because it all is pretty whacky to actually organize a militia in 2009, but at the same time there’s never been an economic dive like this in my lifetime and sometimes crazy times call for crazy solutions.  The guy has done his homework and realizes the constitution allows citizens to form a militia, and has been getting advice from his attorney friend Ron Stein.  So he’s doing everything by the book and plans to get permits to carry concealed handguns.  Stein seems just as determined as Pettet about the police being laid off and even said “We are in the wild, wild West when you take people who are supposed to protect us off the street.”

I’m definitely conflicted about a vigilante fighting force for Stockton.  Do I think bad things will happen if they organize a militia? Yes.  Do I think bad things will happen without the militia and 50 less cops on the street? Yes.  But which is worse?  Hell if I know.  Honestly if some old school bad asses that fought in Nam’ wanna go clean up the streets, all the power to them.  That takes some balls.  They may accidentally shoot a little kid with a fake gun, pummel a minority on video camera, be caught up in a drug scandal or any other incident cops get into but Id rather have more people on the street trying to do some good then less of them to let crime grow.

What do you think?

And in early February Forbes declared my hometown the most miserable city in the entire country.  Since I dont live there any more and have several friends who do, my first reaction was to laugh my ass off.

Then I actually read the article and felt bad, but still laughed my ass off and made sure to post the article and all its information on every social profile I have to desecrate my friends still stuck in Stockton.

The article mentioned how they ranked the  cities, and explained…

“Stockton ranks in the bottom seven in four of the nine categories we looked at: commute times, income tax rates, unemployment and violent crime. Only New York City has a higher income tax rate than what Stockton, and all California residents, are forced to pay.”

Wow.  I was aware, even as a child, Stockton had a reputation for things such as highest murder rate per square mile and highest car theft during the holidays.. but sweet jesus, most miserable city in the U.S. God damn.  That includes places like “every city” in Utah, where mormons thrive and alcoholic beverages are watered down, and illegal on sunday.  Thats brutal…  But then again from the time I was 12 to 17 I had a gun pulled on me and was threated by death 4 times.  So, I understand the difficulties in living there.

Something I was not aware of is that Stockton was number 2 the year prior! Stockton isnt new to misery and shittyness apparently, even to people who dont live there.  Yet, something still stirs in my belly to hear shit talking about my hometown.. Theres a level of comradery in misery and any Stockton native still has a soft spot for the place.  Whether it be a “209″ reference on a myspace page, or a “stocktown” verbal reference… Something about that shithole makes you miss the few people you were able to find who didnt want to rape and or murder you.  Its like making best pals with the bad ass in prison who will protect you from anal rape… its comforting… and you could remember a person like that the rest of your life.

I was the first person within a large group of friends to leave Stockton, and one of few who hasn’t been forced to move back and I take pride in the fact im 2 minutes from the beach and 6 hours away from the rectal cavity of California.   But I’ll always have a friend in a Stocktonian, they are the only ones who share the same level.  Yet let me make this clear… Im not looking to make a new Stockton friend, I dont need crackheads and crackwhores emailing me for friendship.. I made my friends there and Im done.  Loyalties and ties remain but no new ones need to be formed.  YOU HEAR ME!!?

209 Fo’ Life son..